Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Not Good Enough For the Loyolan

Having been an editor for a long time during high school of Brophy's Roundup, I understand having to pick and choose articles. However, I'm a little surprised that the following satirical article I submitted wasn't run. Perhaps people at LMU aren't smart enough to "get it," or maybe satire is just a no-no in a SATIRICAL section. Or perhaps it just isn't funny.

Anyway, to preface this- the Loyolan had just run an expose on how the the local student body had technically not adhered to it's voting rules. Most people just plain didn't care, but the Loyolan made it out to be the Second Coming of Christ. Hence, a wonderful opportunity for Greg's humor. Enjoy.

ASLMU Screws Up Again

By Greg Dunaway

This reporter has discovered serious allegations that continue to undermine Stephen Yoss's supposed "administration." Last week the Loyolan exclusively revealed that over six months ago, a typo in the Constitution may have illegitimately put Stephen Yoss and Ginelle Howard over the top, had it been discovered six months ago. Now, I can exclusively reveal information that may even further sink the oppressive ship that Stephen Yoss is forcibly sailing into the iceberg of democracy.

According to sources deep within the evil heart of the Yoss administration "The President" was late to an accounting class by over 4 whole minutes. Now, Yoss's minions may claim that he was at a supposed meeting with a supposed school official, but we know better. He was probably trying to fix more election results or kick babies or something along those lines. His Vice President Ginelle Howard (also evil) predictably had no comment on my allegations (probably because I didn't call her) and is now hiding in her office.

It's time that we the students have an uprising. We're tired of this so-called democracy where the people with the most votes win. I say we institute an electoral college where really important people's votes count for more. That's fair. Or even better The Loyolan could just decide through a committee of Editors.

Stephen M. Yoss, I'm tired of your tireless campaign to undermine democracy and bring about the apocalypse. The apocalypse is the last thing we need because it would severely put into question my ability to write my next column about how Ginelle Howard was seen talking on a cell phone to someone who may or not be a terrorist. But that's for next timeā€¦


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