Chillin In LA

New Site

2009-01-13T18:51:00.000-08:00

It looks as if this blog is coming to a close- I've started a new site:

http://www.gregdunaway.com

My blog should launch there shortly. Thanks for reading- I'll see you there.

Note: I've started posting. RSS feed up and running.

Who Hires Michael Phelps?

2008-12-17T17:12:00.000-08:00

Michael Phelps isn't funny, isn't charismatic and is PAINFUL to watch on television. If I see one more commercial with him pitching Rosetta Stone I'm going to stab something. Did anyone see his attempt at hosting on SNL? Awful. Just awful. Even some good ideas (the Michael Phelps diet) were just ruined because of the void that is his on screen personality.

He is so bad it's almost as if he has to work at being this bad. His stupid "under a minute" line at the end of the Rosetta Stone commercial has ensured I will never, ever buy their stupid product and continue to hold them in contempt for continually interrupting my Sunday football sessions with his useless pratter.

You won 8 Gold Medals. You can do whatever you want. Quit pitching shit.

New Post On the Movie Blog

2008-12-04T20:36:00.001-08:00

New post on the IHTSBIH movie blog.

Check it out HERE.

Development

2008-11-20T18:33:00.001-08:00

Heads up for those who don't know, I'll be posting I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell related posts on the official site from here on out. With what frequency I'm not sure, but it's nice to have another outlet to encourage me to keep on writing. Here, I'll stick with other things going on in my life, not the least of which I'm going to start talking about today- reality TV.

Interestingly enough, I don't watch much reality TV. I mean I've seen some, I know the formula, but the most consistent "reality" stuff I watch is on the Discovery Channel. Man Vs. Wild, very rarely a Mythbusters (although I HATE HATE HATE their episode structure, pisses me off to no end). However, I'm developing a reality project I like quite a bit. It's certainly not revolutionary, but there are aspects of the show that I think make it a viable project. (And, if I'm lucky, it's going to involve some travel. An added bonus.)

Obviously, I'm not going to be posting plot points here. What I'd like to talk about a bit is the idea of the "gatekeepers" in Hollywood. I'm lucky in that I have connections in various areas of Hollywood (even ::gasp:: oustside of Tucker). In talking with them, it has become very clear to me that there is no one person who can simply grant you a greenlight on a project, at least initally.

At one production company I've been speaking with my process will go something like this: make initial pitch to contact, contact discusses with development team, development teams gives okay, Greg goes in and pitches to development team, development team discusses and offers changes (at this point, the project might not resemble anything that I pitched), then if the development team signs off, I would pitch to their "Executive Producer." If he likes it, then we finally go out to the networks and see if anyone on their end likes it.

How long does this take? Who knows. I'm barely at step one. I have a pitch that I like, and now it's a matter of getting to the decision makers. And that means finding ways through the gatekeepers.

Alternatively, you can try and use "connections" to start at the top and push downward. In my case, this involves friends of friends, contacts etc. Ideally, I'd prefer to do this. We'll see how it all pans out.

My being 22 and trying my hand in all this is a bit daunting. However, I possess something that even the mightiest network head needs: content. And it is this all important factor that gives me some encouragement.

Yesterday I ran my outline by Nils. He had some superb suggestions, nearly all of them I implemented in a revised draft I sent out this evening. However, what really caught my eye was this:

I would definitely watch this.

And that's a good reason to keep slugging on.

The Cutting Room

2008-11-06T21:27:00.000-08:00

Today I visited Nils and Jeff Kushner (the editor) in the cutting room of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. It was quite the experience.

Walking in the room, immediately on the left is a gigantic HDTV with full speaker sound screen where you can in effect watch any take, watch any assembly or if you wish, watch the whole damn movie. It's an impressive way to take in the film, especially when looking for specific beats or tones in a scene. It's also a far cry from the way I'm used to editing movies, behind the scenes stuff, whatever. Most editors stare at two monitors with headphones crouched in a dark corner.

Jeff has three quality monitors, not including the HDTV. However, the sheer amount of footage that Jeff has to sift through is incredible. I saw three of four different sequences (completely surreal to see sets I was living and breathing in Louisiana on screen). It makes the work that Suki and the lighting department did all the more incredible.

The conversations between Nils and Jeff were particularly instructive to myself as a filmmaker. One little conversation, one 3 second edit completely changes the meaning of a scene. It's not ever as simple as a click here or a click there. Listening to them was a lesson that isn't ever taught in film school. Watching scenes completely change after Jeff's whirring fingers go to work was inspiring. It's no joke that editing is a 10-7 job. One scene can take weeks on end to get "right." And in this film, there is absolutely no room for error given the territory Tucker and Nils want to explore.

But why exactly was I there? A couple reasons, one of which I'll keep to myself, but the other I'm happy to share. There is a particular sequence in the film that actually required me to sit and recut some of the film. That's right, the lowly assistant was sitting at an AVID station sifting through footage. Now, before someone freaks out and emails Tucker a million "YOUR MOVIE IS TERRIBLE THE ASSISTANT IS EDITING LOL!" allow me to issue a quick note. What I was editing was not essential to the well being of the film. It's important, it will be on-screen, but if I did my job right, you won't notice it a bit.

So there's that and I couldn't be more GRATEFUL for the invitation to contribute my editing skills and a few thoughts about the scenes I took in. Jeff and Nils work in a way that is very organic and very open- if you have something to contribute (and you aren't a functioning imbecile, they are open to listen).

To wrap up: I liked a lot of what I saw. I think one key scene needs some work, but it's getting there. Interestingly enough, two of the funniest jokes I reacted to were not in the script. One was a hilarious goof, the other was a "miracle of editing" joke.

I'll see the whole film soon. I can't wait.

Perspective

2008-11-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

It's now November, I've been out of Louisiana for 2 months, out of college for 6 months. Time flies.

As of now, I'm still consulting, still working for Tucker, and still looking for ideas. Interestingly I've sort of accidentally followed some of Tucker's advice- stay unemployed. That's not to say that I don't have projects, but I haven't followed the steps of my close friends, all of whom are working 9-5's at established companies. Each day is different. 10 hours of web work here, 5 hours video for Tucker, 3 or 4 hours working for a local bar. Variety can be very engaging.

In the meantime, I've got time to pitch some reality TV ideas, work on a website (that should be launching soon and may mean the end of this blog... we'll see), and just generally enjoy life. I've had some personal setbacks that have provided me with a lot of anxiety to fill up the dull times.

How often do we wish we could wind back the clock and undo one mistake? 4 or 5 seconds that can turn your life upside down. I'm the sort that believes everything does happen for a reason, or at least I've been lucky enough to have the perspective to entertain that idea. I hope a year from now, I can shrug off these mistakes and chalk them up to a good learning experience.

Or maybe not.

(Another entry in the web series below. Believe it or not a major company is toying with the idea of turning these into a national commercial series.)

Consulting

2008-10-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

I used to work for management consultant/life coach during high school. I would sit in utter amazement at the sheer amount of business the man would do on a weekly basis, doing things that seemed to me to be completely inane. He would be flied out to do conferences, deliver speeches, meet with top 50 CEOs.

The man couldn't use a computer. I wrote nearly every document, composed every email. In nearly every one he would be making simple observations, pointing out the obvious and making very "duh" recommendations. "Your business is losing money, cut staff." "Your employees don't feel recognized, set up a rewards program."

He used to have a saying, "It's lonely at the top" when he talked about working with CEOs and business owners. In some cases, just getting an outside opinion, even when the answer was staring these execs in the face was enough to warrant his huge retainer.

And so I find myself in a similar position (not moneywise), thinking about his old maxim. I'm consulting. And for these business owners, I am now the one making these recommendations (although I like to think mine are a bit more worthwhile).

Life is full of ironies.

Below: a youtube series that you may be seeing more of.

Limbo

2008-10-02T13:45:00.001-07:00

Since Tucker got off his ass and updated the blog, it's only fair that I do the same. I've been back in Los Angeles for three weeks now, alot has happened and alot has not. I'll give you a brief update on IHTSBIH, my life and a few random things that have ruffled my feathers of late.

First, the movie. As Tucker mentioned I am indeed going through the hundred or so hours of footage I have. Generally, my plan is sort all the footage into three categories: DVD, web, both. The DVD stuff I'm actually sub-categorizing. My general goal (and this will most likely change when we land a studio who decides that they know better than a 22 year old) is to have one 40-45 minute general behind the scenes featurette and a number of smaller featurettes.

Based on my recollection, I'm excited to develop the main documentary. Every set is filled with drama, pain, laughter and the full spectrum of emotions. Ours was no exception. My camera captured alot, some of which I'm sure will never see the light of day (Slingblade watching Jesse perform for the first time was quite a treat, but given his job, that footage is a bust). On the plus side, I am very interested to put the footage of Czuchry working with Tucker one on one split screen with the final performance. Should be very insightful.

But all that is a long way down the road.

For now, I'm in limbo. I'm working for Tucker part time, which is great. Watching footage is fun, and starting to cut in my head is great mind exercise. On the flipside though, I'm still basically waiting on a number of jobs to come through. It's frustrating as hell. I'm convinced no business moves slower than Hollywood.

I'm the sort of person who loves to always be engaged and Tucker has been encouraging me to pursue a number of internet projects I have gestating. I can't put my finger on what has prevented me from doing that. Perhaps the constant reminders from my friends as they go to work everyday is a bit grating. My mom constantly reminds me that I worked for 3 months 12+ hours a day in Louisiana while my friends were job searching, but now that I'm back in L.A. I'm itching for a challenge. I want to walk into a studio and tell them that given the right set of circumstances you can recreate the magic of the IHTSBIH blog. There are concrete reasons why our work consistently outperformed major studio websites. I know this. I have this expertise.

Or maybe I should take Ryan Holiday's advice and work directly with other filmmaker's who want to develop blogs. I've looked around, most filmmaker blogs are AWFUL. Even Rob Cohen, who clearly had some of the right stuff on his Mummy blog, wasn't even close to the IHTSBIH blog. I think Ryan is right, but as much as I'm comfortable marketing the art of film and the art of the filmmaker, I need to learn how to better market myself.

And of course the pending SAG strike will only broaden my job opportunities. Unbelievable. Maybe they'll eventually find that internet money, but my guess is we're headed for another industry slowdown.

For now though I'm in limbo. Living cheaply, enjoying the gorgeous L.A. weather and girls. Taking life one day at a time. A job will come. I know this.

Patience is the virtue I need to re-discover, which is like finding a needle in a haystack in this town.

A random photo of me on some statue in Shreveport below.

Wrap

2008-09-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

Filming on I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell wrapped Saturday morning around 6:30AM.

It's tough to even put down in words how many feelings raced through my head as Dieter yelled "That's a picture wrap." Even trying to compose a brief blog post about it is tough.

I anticipate that going through the hundred or so hours of footage I took on set will drudge up an assortment of emotions. There were days I wanted to fly home, days I wanted to kill people, some of the best days of my life, some of the most fun I've ever had. In a way I will have the luxury of reliving all of these experiences- through editing.

I will get to hang out with Bob Bates our hilarious Gaffer again, mess around with Chris and Hilton two of the grips I now count among my friends. I'll stand next to Bob Gosse and quietly watch as he smiles and yells "Check the gate" after one of Czuchry's many excellent performances. I'll see Stults picking up my camera and interviewing our eccentric Script Supervisor Sandy or watch as Bradford turned the camera on me for an impromptu conversation.

Or maybe Tucker will find another editor and a year or so from now all these memories will flood back to me via the click of a DVD remote control.

No matter what happens, I'd like to take the time to publicly (inasmuch as this blog is public) thank a few people:

Bob Gosse- I doubt Bob knows it, but as much as I absorbed from him watching him direct, I learned ten fold watching him handle himself as a person. The story of Bob Gosse and his dedication to this project will probably never be told- suffice to say those who watched him tirelessly devote himself to the film will not forget his efforts.

The producers- To Nils Parker and his wonderful fiancee Jen- I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU. There are two people on the set I could always count on for a quiet conversation and a understanding ear- thank you both so much for taking me under your wings. I foresee nothing but happiness in your future- and you both deserve it.

Sean McKittrick- Sean is a consummate professional and someone whose career I had actually followed before working on this project. Meeting him and discovering what a great guy and wealth of knowledge he possesses was one of the highlights of my time in Shreveport. I would be a very lucky man if my career in any way mirrors what Sean has accomplished. On a more personal note- QUIT SMOKING.

The actors- Jesse, Matt and Geoff. A million thanks for essentially letting a 22 year old invade their workplace. Their kindness, professionalism and generousity has been mentioned by others, but holds a special place for me, given some of my struggles. Thank you.

I've mentioned my respect and admiration for the crew before, but it is completely worth mentioning again. This crew went over and above to help me out time and time again. Every department let me into their world without hesitation and welcomed me as a friend.

Truly wonderful people. Thank you, thank you and I miss you all already.

And finally a thank you to Tucker without whom none of this would exist. Why he took a chance on me back in April is something I'll never really know. For all the ups and downs I will forever be thankful to Tucker for giving me an opportunity to excel. Thank you for letting me into your universe.

And now dear reader we are at a crossroads, I restarted this blog to try and document my everyday life in Louisiana (whoops). But I've liked what brief posts I've been able to throw up here. So, from here on out, I suppose I'll try to mix a bit of my memories from shooting with a healthy dose of my new journeys in Hollywood.

If that sounds like a plan to you- welcome aboard.

10 Days

2008-08-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

The Niners are on TV and looking pretty decent. Rex Grossman still looks as awful as last year, which sort of reminds me of how funny life can be. This time last year, almost to the day, I was getting prepped for my last year in college and at job training at DirecTV, basically getting paid to watch football.

Ten days from now I'll be heading home, back to see the family for the first time in 3 months. It's starting to hit that the "family" that has sort of developed among the cast and crew is going to be permanately seperated. From Daryll the locations guy who befriended me on the first day to Geoff the actor who has gone out of his way to be nothing but kind to me. Or Mark Carter, or Larry from sound (the entire sound department for that matter), Dustin who does playback- all the people who I constantly hang out with on set. This reality, this group of people will probably never be together again. At the very least, I'll never get see all of them again. I hope I can stay in touch with this crew- the people I've met have been wonderful.

We'll see.

Such is the life of the filmmaker, below the line, above the line whatever. On the move, never working in the same place, the same location, the same script. So it's slowly starting to hit me that life in L.A. is going to start up again. Reality will hit. Soon. This three month trip which has been a journey of high highs and low lows and the biggest educational slap to my face is coming to an end.

So I'm returning to L.A. a little wiser, a little older and with some great stories. 10 days left. Each day I get up and remember sitting at my monitor watching football one year ago.

Where will I be a year from now?

"Gawker"

2008-08-17T22:44:00.001-07:00

I am so sick of Gawker and the idiotic frenzy surrounding Tucker and to a lesser extent me that while I originally was NOT going to write about this whole debacle, I figure it's time to set the record straight.

This email purportedly written by me is BS.

I am stunned at how stupid the people who read Gawker are. STUNNED. I'm not going to encourage you to read the above article, but if you already have, let's run over a few items.

1. Running anonymous emails from people purporting to be ex-assistants is at best "questionable" by any journalistic standard. If you are going to run said items, perhaps you might VERIFY any aspect of the email and not footnote the article with a "it could be true but we are too lazy to find out" disclaimer. My high school newspaper had higher standards of truth than this.

2. HOW HARD IS IT TO FIND ME? I know a few of the Gawker readers did by virtue of the fact that they are now commenting on my blog. How about sending me a goddamn email? MY NAME IS ALL OVER THE PICTURES AND VIDEO that litter the official movie website.

Furthermore, since the email claims that I've given up on taking photos of Tucker since I'm mad at his "fratastic" behavior, how the HELL do you explain this?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/

THERE ARE PHOTOS ATTRIBUTED TO ME. THERE ARE PHOTOS OF ME ON SET. THERE ARE PHOTOS OF TUCKER AT A PARTY.

Gawker is truly the worst, most pathetic "news" site I've ever come across. Say what you want about Tucker, but what an absolute joke Gawker is. In the time it took me to write the previous sentence, I could have done all of Gawker's fact checking for them.

Lastly, to address some of the more bizarre comments left by people. I'm not upset about the choking out video. I'm not sitting here stewing and raging and I'm certainly not going to be filing charges.

Thanks for your concern, but I'd think you'd be best reading about wherever Jake Gyllenhaal is sipping coffee in Upper Manhattan.

For shits and giggles a photo of me ON SET. Taken Thursday. Posted August 16th.

The Halfway Point

2008-08-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow week four begins on I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. We're 50% done with filming.

In reality, I've been working for Tucker officially since the tail end of April and been in Louisiana since mid June. The midway point of this project has long since passed, yet somehow it feels appropriate to take stock of my experience thus far. Over the past few days glancing at what I've written on this blog I barely recognize my own writing. Perhaps, because I've been so focused on the goings on around me I've yet to taken the time to self reflect on much of anything. So, dear reader, this post is for me. Don't worry, I'll return to the world of Tucker Max and the universe that revolves around him. It's hard not to. But for a brief moment and if for nothing else, my own sanity, I'm going to try and wrap my head around me.

As I type this I'm sitting outside the house on our porch. Near my right hand I have a beer and near my left a pack of cigarettes. Unluckily for me I've started smoking more than I should. Whether it's to take the edge off from working for Tucker or because on a movie set smoking is sort of a currency and culture or maybe just because I'm weak and crave an addiction- who knows? The fact is I used to hate smoking and now I'm in the midst of six week binge.

I just ran inside to grab a beer and found Tucker on top of some girl holding in her what looked like an MMA mount position. I really couldn't tell you the specifics, because to be quite honest I could give a fuck about MMA. This isn't because I don't appreciate the dedication of the fighters or the strategy or whatever Joe Rogan feels like spouting off about during fights. I get all that. I think I hate MMA because Tucker and everyone around him likes it so much.

Last night, best selling author Tim Ferriss visited us. I honestly had no idea who the fuck he was or what the fuck his shtick was. I knew Tucker loved him which made me predisposed to not like him. This isn't really a knock against Tucker, more that I am now more than ever tired of people who know everything about life and can tell me how to fix mine. I knew he had a book called "The Four Hour Work Week." I used to work for a management consulting guru, so immediately in my head I was thinking BULLSHIT. Even worse, Tim loved MMA. Great another Tucker clone who is spouting off loads of self help change your life spiritual lovey dovey intellectual masturbation. Wonderful.

And, thank God I was wrong. Here's a quick disclaimer- I've never read Tim Ferriss's book. I'd like to, but who knows- maybe I won't get around to it. I can tell you this much- Tim is a good person and an honest person and he treats people with respect. He sort of gives off the vibe of a man who was born a few generations too late. He speaks too many languages, studies too many fields and is dedicated to keeping his body and mind in pristine shape. A classic Renaissance man.

I've wandered. How the hell does Tim Ferriss fit in with my gut check? I don't know. But a funny thing happened last night. I asked for an autograph. I rarely, if ever, do this. (Don't worry friends and family, I will get around to getting you guys some signatures). But for me, autographs don't usually mean much. As an example- would I ask Tucker, Matt, Geoff or Jesse for an autograph? No. Would I ask for one for my sister? Absolutely. After getting to know someone well enough, I feel that asking for them to scribble on a piece of paper for me sort of denigrates that relationship. But then... last night I asked Tim to sign a copy of Men's Journal.

Men's Journal featured Tim in their newest issue, the cover actually. The article isn't anything unbelievable, they certainly don't extoll Tim as the next big thing. It's a typical piece- history, professional life, a general overview of who Tim is. The article I'm quite certain had nothing to do with why I asked him to pick up a pen. If I had to guess, I asked Tim for an autograph, because Tim reminded me of who I am.

Late last night I was driving Tim home. We had just watched an MMA fight and he had an early flight. We were just generally chatting, when the discussion drifted to why I had been choked out by Jeff. I gave him the standard answer I give everyone "Jeff was mad over something I said on Tucker's messageboard... etc." Tim looked at me and told me that if anyone had ever done that to him he would have thrown them in jail. This of course, is interesting, given that 99% of the population wouldn't even be able to get that close to Tim because he is an international kickboxing champion.

Before I continue on, I'd better get something out in the open: I've moved on. I honestly don't fret over the fact that Jeff choked me out or that Tucker filmed it and over 13,000 people have seen it on youtube. To say that it doesn't bother me at some level wouldn't be true, but to say that I wake up every morning dreaming of ways to get back at Jeff would be a great exaggeration. Jeff is an accomplished fighter, there is nothing I can do if Jeff or Tucker or any other student of martial arts feels like kicking my ass or choking me out. I suppose what bothers me is that Jeff is also a decent writer. Jeff and Tucker both knew, well in advance of conspiring to choke me out that I was not a fighter. Would it not have been more appropriate to just eviscerate me on the messageboard in kind? Maybe not. I don't know and at this point, it's water under the bridge. But by just showing me a glimpse of empathy, Tim showed me that at least someone understood.

This all seems a bit out of context given that I haven't outlined the ways in which Tucker and I interact. Tucker is a VERY smart man. He knows this and he makes sure everyone around him knows this. Tucker has ideas that are not only outside of the box, but seek to the destroy the box. He knows what he wants and will generally go to any lengths to ensure that his vision is carried out to his satisfaction. He has the potential to shake up the entertainment industry in very concrete ways. Also, Tucker can sometimes be very engaging and genuinely friendly to me. Last night around 4 o'clock in the morning Tucker joined me in the living room and we talked for a good 45 minutes about the film industry, my job prospects and ideas about innovating the way movies are made. He also took the time to give me some advice about women (which believe it or not was more than applicable at my young age).

This is Tucker Max.

However, working for Tucker is very much like working for two very different people. He does not hesitate to embarrass me in front of people I respect if he feels that I deserve it. He rarely if ever, exhibits any interest in me as a person. And while I get the impression that I've done a decent job at this point, I seriously doubt that I've met his expectations. I've had a few bosses that exhibit the above traits before, everyone has. I think what is most frustrating for me is that I think Tucker has little or no capacity for empathy. Tucker knows so much about so many different things that if you aren't on the same wavelength as him, he immediately categorizes you as undeserving of his attention (unless by him investing time in you he has something immediately to be gained). Of late he also he also has been infuriated with his other assistant Ian. While I'm glad that the red target on my back has moved, I know it could only be seconds before I've done something to earn his ire. This is good motivation for me, I bust my ass for Tucker 14 hours a day. But also a constant reminder of one of my favorite maxims, "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."

This too is Tucker Max.

A brilliant man who sits on the cliff of greatness, surrounded by the work and beauty of his accomplishments but would not take a SECOND to enjoy the view.

So I live and learn. I am young and stupid. Each day I come home wondering. Some days I feel fulfilled. I truly am blessed with a unbelievable opportunity. I've met interesting people, done wonderful work and truly am involved in my own little "Surreal Life." (How many of you have gone to a bar with two international porn stars?)

Alot of my friends ask me if I admire Tucker or if living with him is the craziest thing I've ever done. Yes and Yes- so far.

So, we're back to the halfway point and I haven't even had the chance to talk about most of what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about developing relationships with the some of the creatives involved in this process. I wanted to talk about learning from Sean McKittrick and Nils Parker and our hilarious director Bob Gosse. But it's late and I have a 7AM call time tomorrow.

Already I do feel better though. Writing is therapeutic for me and perhaps the only time when I'm honest with myself. Or at least mostly honest.

Here's a few things I know for certain:

I still don't know what I want to do with my life.
I miss my family and friends.
This is a time in my life I will never forget.

I need to quit smoking.

South Park and Tucker Max

2008-08-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

The whole "Gawker" episode that is currently going down I find rather humorous. As much as I generally hate recommending the message board- check this out. The posts over there explain what's going on. Suffice to say that Tucker is literally giggling with glee about how this "frenzy" is going. Gawker has bought him probably a million dollars of free press and we are AT LEAST 8 months away from release. Boy, Gawker really stuck it to him.

But Tucker's covered that angle. What I'm surprised no one has brought up is a pretty obvious comparison. Who doesn't remember a little show called South Park that stormed onto the scene in 1997. It was called "crude" "smut" and generally stupid upon it's release. (Throw in an article search for South Park circa September 1997). People who watched South Park were considered immature teens, sneaking around their parents for a glimpse at foul mouthed fourth graders. The publicity (largely negative) drove South Park to new heights never before seen at Comedy Central.

Let's fast forward 11 years. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have landed a remarkable deal that rewards them for being the most lucrative show on their network, they are in the process of taking back the digital rights to their episodes and have launched successful feature film careers. What do the critics say now?

So “South Park,” which begins its 12th season in October and has been extended to 15 seasons, is no longer merely the crudely animated, rudely scripted tales of Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny. It is now a studio, a digital hub, a creative powerhouse in its infancy — but with the potential to become the kind of marketing monster that the boys might well find themselves fleeing from, a monster like, say, Mecha-Streisand.
-From the typically liberal elite snobby New York Times

The parallels here are incredible. "Rudely scripted" tales that involve creatives that demand control over their media. We'll see if Tucker is lucky enough to achieve in 4 years what took Trey Parker and Matt Stone 12.

Jesse's Guitar

2008-07-30T14:25:00.001-07:00

Getting to know Jesse has been a real pleasure. I had real apprehension about even talking to him- I mean the guy has been in countless movies, is well known and really could have been an unapproachable "star" sort of guy.

Not the case.

Jesse is down to earth, easy to talk to and possesses a wicked sense of humor. If it weren't for a little thing called "fame" he'd fit right in with most of the guys I hang out with. (Notable exception: occasionally my friends can beat me at beer pong, Jesse has yet to do so). It just so happens that Jesse both have a love of classic rock. Jesse is also a very accomplished guitar player and guitar collector. He knows more about guitars than I could ever dream to and is constantly on the prowl for new piece for his collection.

Earlier this week I helped Jesse cut together some brief clips of him playing a killer Stevie Ray Vaughan guitar solo and a beautiful acoustic piece by Hall & Oates.

He along with Suki (who is another Renaissance man and master of piano) are the dominant musical forces on set. It has been a pleasure getting to know both of them.

Below are the two pieces of Jesse on guitar.

It's always nice to get to know the man behind the image.

E.P.K.

2008-07-25T19:48:00.001-07:00

If you've ever watched any sort of "promo" spot for movie, wherein actors are sitting in a chair, usually on set or near the set, you've watched an E.P.K. You see these sorts of videos in HBO's First Look or the Behind the Scenes DVD section of a film. In general, you sit the actor's down and pepper them with generic quotes about the film. The totality of every important cast/crew member's interviews becomes the Electronic Press Kit (EPK). This EPK is then sent to media outlets (E! Entertainment, TV Guide Channel, etc.) for them to use in whatever sort of fashion they want and again, ultimately used on the eventual DVD release.

Today, I wrote/directed the E.P.K.s.

The EPK crew arrived on set today (one sound guy, one camera guy) and setup their own rig near the set. I was always of the impression that these guys were sort of a two or three man production, complete with their own producer who sort of oversaw all of this stuff. WRONG. There was literally one camera guy and one sound guy, who were waiting on someone to provide them with questions. I was wandering around the set snapping photos when I happened to wander near video village where McKittrick and Darren (UPM) were hanging out. I heard Sean muttering, "God I hate dealing with EPK." Darren didn't seem too thrilled either. Apparently, the film's producers are often in charge of coming up with the questions to ask the cast/crew in these interviews. This probably explains the shitty softball questions ("Tell me more about the dresses you wear in the movie.") and the shitty answers ("Oh he is such a DREAM to work with.")

Anyway, Tucker suggested we just use the same master list of questions that I've been compiling over the course of production for use in my video blogs. So questions in hand I met up with the E.P.K. guys planning on handing over my list and getting back to stills. As it turns out, the camera guy admitted to being a bad interviewer ("I usually just stare at the camera and read the questions out of the corner of my eye") and generally being unfamiliar with the film and anything Tucker Max related. This sort of explains why most E.P.K. answers are lame- it's pretty tough to respond honestly to a camera man who can't even look you in the eye. So, I threw out the idea of stepping in and the camera guy seemed sort of relieved.

I ended up interviewing Meagan Fay first, which was nerve wracking because she's a pro and this was my first "professional" interview. (I mean the video interviews are cool, but it's a bit more informal and as of now, aren't on DVDs, TV etc.) But Meagan was wonderful, answered all my questions and endured the sweltering heat (even inside it was still around 85 degrees). Hopefully that interview ends well.

Next up was Keri (who by the way is stunningly beautiful in person and somehow even MORE gorgeous on screen). Her first words to me were, "FUCK, your interviewing me again." She'd had a VERY long day and it was nice to see she still had a sense of humor. I really haven't talked at length with Keri, but everytime has been a pleasure.

Up next was Jesse, who brought an acoustic guitar to the interview. I've been lucky enough to develop a very nice rapport with the three male leads and again it felt very much like a conversation with Jesse. After we wrapped up his interview, Jesse walked over to the extras area and gave an impromptu guitar performance. It was a very cool thing to do and somewhere down the line, I'll post pictures I snapped.

Last was Tucker and as is usually the case, the interview was so-so. I hadn't known I was going to be interviewing him (I was actually scheduled to interview Marike, our newest cast addition, but she didn't feel comfortable with an interview after joining the cast only 24 hours ago), so I generally sort of re-hashed questions Tucker had already answered, which predictably irritated him. I don't think he has fully grasped the idea of an E.P.K. and resented having to say the same stuff over and over, when in reality, this sort of information is exactly what media outlets want/need him on film explaining.

So that's in essence how an EPK works- another new experience for me.

Week two starts tomorrow.

The Set

2008-07-22T17:26:00.000-07:00

This is my first major "Hollywood" feature set. When I worked for MTV I started to pick up the vernacular and the motions of a set. Going to film school made me familiar with the equipment and the positions. None of these experiences really can prepare you for the machinery of a large scale production. Every person walking around with purpose, earpieces attached, visiting the various camps. Tents stretch up and down the street, each housing equipment, monitors or people. The clock is constantly ticking, the ship that is the movie is gaining steam with Dieter, our first AD at the helm urging it on. Every second is accounted for- it's quite the surreal experience.

"Hurry up and wait" is the often used maxim of sets and I've found it to be very true so far. We've covered two scenes inside a house from every possible angle over the last few days, sometimes it can be mind numbingly boring. Over and over and over the same lines and same movements. On the flipside, when you are there when the actors first make the connection and you can see the script pages come to life- it is pretty damn inspiring.

However, as much as I enjoy my work and being a part of the crew I've realized that I need keep my head straight and focus on two goals: providing the best stills and video I possibly can and two- start to wrap my head around the question of what the hell I want to do in this business.

I have an unbelievable amount of respect for the crew that Tucker et al have assembled for this picture. The work they do on set is done well and done quickly. We have braved 95 degree heat coupled with 90 percent humidity and the crew hasn't missed a step. We all pull 12 hour days. I'm up at 5:45 and am wrapping somewhere in the neighborhood of 6:30. I'm not sure I want to be pulling these sort of hours. Our first AD, Dieter, has found a way to balance his demanding work and travel schedule with a family- I'm not sure down the road I could do that. Which brings into question what road I choose. Do I pay my dues while I'm young in my early twenties to work my way up the chain of command the traditional way? Or do I do something else entirely? I'm leaning towards the latter.

The entertainment business provides plenty of options, plenty of perks and plenty of opportunities. I know that if this were my "baby" as it is for Tucker and Nils I wouldn't be having this conversation. I can very easily throw myself into my work, especially if I'm the one who created it. But having no creative input, having no say in the direction of the film drives someone like me insane. I need to have vested interest in what I work on. And I think that drive and passion will point me down the road less traveled.

We'll see.

Sidenote: New Photos and Video on the I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell website.

Celebrity

2008-07-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

As I type this Tucker and Czuchry are sitting on opposite sides of a table rehearsing one of the early scenes in the film. There is a particularly interesting exchange going on as one of Czuchry's suggested lines is being written into the film. Vaguely, Czuchry is suggesting that perhaps Nils and Tucker have not thought through the implications of a line- the line may reveal more than the two of them intend. He is a very astute actor.

The conversation has reminded me of an exchange I had with Tucker and Czuchry over lunch the other day. Tucker was relating to Czuchry the coming onslaught of celebrity that will no doubt change Matt's life. Czuchry has already achieved a level of fame via his role on Gilmore Girls (try putting Matt Czuchry into google) and now he is slowly coming to terms with how his life is about to be turned upside down as the titular character of a film that in all likelihood will do serious business.

Tucker related some interesting stories about having to put up with the "persona" of Tucker Max. Occasionally he will be out in bars or restaurants and be approached by fans who badger him about being "Tucker Max Drunk" or acting stupidly or hitting on chicks etc. It apparently does not occur to them that Tucker may in fact lead a normal life and that while he may shack up with a surreal amount of women, this in no way is indicative of his lifestyle. In fact, having lived with Tucker for a weeks now, the only thing that really shocked me is that Tucker watches Golden Girls. I haven't seen him throw dishes at a bartender, he hasn't set the house on fire (although he did participate in the bombing of Ian's bed) and he has yet to bring home a stripper.

It would seem rational that people would be able to distinguish between the Tucker in his writing and the Tucker who walks among us- apparently not. Now it is Czuchry's turn to carry on the torch of "Tucker Max" and the real Tucker could not be happier. Already Czuchry's fans have a hard time disassociating him from the "Logan" character he played on Gilmore Girls. I know this firsthand having recently browsed through Matt Czuchry fan sites looking for interesting questions to ask him. (Here's a few answers to questions I won't be asking Matt- he isn't married, he is single, he won't call you and he doesn't know how Gilmore Girls should have ended).

With the mantle effectively being passed to Matt, I shudder to think how many regular joes on the street will be hovering over him every time he chooses to have a drink. His personal life is effectively no longer personal. Who he dates, where he eats, when he fucks up is all public record. Certainly it makes you second guess if success in this business is worth it; or more honestly: Am I in this business for the right reasons? My standard answer to the query is: Yes, I want to tell stories. I want to be a filmmaker. I hope that I can maintain this mantra.

However, it's easy to be seduced by the allure of fame. Why are there so many terrible actresses in this business? Why are there so many awful movies made with wooden acting and little to no emotive effort from the leads? Maybe it's easy to point to a very simple example. Tell me who Ben Affleck is dating. I admit, I know the answer- Jennifer Garner.

Now tell me who Daniel Day Lewis is dating. Or if he is married. Or anything really about Daniel Day Lewis.

This is the sort of life I wish for Czuchry. He's a good kid with a great heart. He isn't in it for the fame and his work ethic reflects his devotion to character. Can he be Daniel Day Lewis? Perhaps not- it certainly is a tall order, but I'm not going to rule it out. If nothing else it is my most earnest wish that Czuchry continues to develop into an actor devoted to his art.

Czuchry understands character, story, emotion- the real underpinnings of the foundation that is acting. Ben Affleck used to, but in my estimation became seduced by the unflenching public eye. Maybe he came into the business for the right reasons, who knows?

What I do know is that setting a course to become a "star" or "celebrity" is a stupid idea. And you'll be lucky when Hollywood spits you out.

God forbid you actually get your wish.

The Dallas Road Trip

2008-07-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning after our 9AM rehearsal myself, Tucker, Jesse, Matt, Geoff and Tucker's special forces friend "Thomas" hopped in the production's rental van and headed for Dallas. The general idea behind this trip was for the three male leads to bond and for Czuchry to be able observe Tucker in his natural habitat (i.e. drunk and hitting on women). So after rehearsals Saturday morning, I found myself behind the wheel heading towards Texas.

Our first stop was for brews- and Tucker did not hesitate to ensure that the boys were good and sauced well before we crossed the state line. We pulled into the hotel (The Joule for anyone who cares) and I was immediately stunned at how elegant the place was. Pool jutting out from the 10th floor, service left and right- all in all one of the nicest, if not the nicest hotel I've every stayed in. Sidenote: When we were checking in Tucker informed me that because there was only 5 rooms and 6 of us, the person who did not hook up would sleep in the van. This was particularly devastating news to me given that I was traveling with: 3 legitimate celebrities, the premiere internet celebrity who specializes in random hookups and a special forces guy who was apparently as good if not better at attracting hotties as Tucker. Chances of a Greg hookup were about as likely as a Tucker Max bible reading.

Luckily for me, Tucker ended up getting six rooms which ensured that I'd have a super expensive bed to sleep in. So we headed up to our rooms, dropped our bags and headed to the pool. Geoff had arranged with some Dallas friends to have hot girls at the pool and he delivered. It honestly looked like a mini-sode of Entourage. I distinctly remember thinking to myself "I don't belong here." Anyway, I stayed for a few hours listening to Thomas tell stories about sneak attacks against terrorists in Iraq. Ended up bumming Jesse a swimsuit because he drunkenly lost his in Florida and watched Czuchry watch Tucker hit on women- which was actually very interesting. I tried my best to stay out of sight and out of mind as this really was not my trip and as I've come to realize, when you're with Tucker it is the Tucker Max show- you're just a viewer.

One of the more memorable moments came later in the evening when I saddled up to the bar and had a drink with our whole crew. The bar was empty and the discussion was drifting to the sort of serious dialogue that only comes when your with people who have had enough drinks to not know any better. We touched on scientology, religion, atheism- concrete tangible discussion. A conversation any group of intelligent guys could have on any given night after a few drinks.

As the sun set on the rooftop pool overlooking downtown Dallas, it struck me how surreal a moment this was. Across from me was Tucker Max, my boss, who until about two months ago was a mythical author my buddies and I quoted when we were drunk. To my right was Jesse, a guy I'd seen on my living room TV constantly due to having two younger sisters and a little movie called Bring It On. Further down were Geoff and Czuchry. Two guys who had singlehandedly re-defined for me my presumptions about actors. In fact, the principal leads on this film are stunningly down to earth, genuine and kind. I imagine that I'm going to be sorely disappointed when I get on board my next film as these guys have set the bar incredibly high. And of course Thomas sat furthest down, throwing drinks down and laughing, yelling and arguing all at once about everything and nothing. His outgoing attitude gave no indication that in a few months he was shipping out to the Middle East. And here I was in the midst of it all- a guy who three months ago was studying for a management final.

One more small example: As the discussion was winding down and everyone was trying to get in their two cents, Geoff held up his hands and pointed at me, "I want to hear what Greg has to say."

This sort of thing may seem stupid and petty, but to someone who is SO used to the superficial bullshit that permeates the L.A. scene it was unbelievably refreshing to be around genuine celebrities who have found ways to remain grounded.

Eventually Tucker was drawn away from the conversation by pretty much the only thing that draws Tucker away from intelligent discourse: girls. Some Dallas chick showed up and Tucker took off real fast. The rest of us took a cue from him and re-grouped for the night ahead.

Our first bar was right up my alley. Music was loud, but not super annoying. Girls were hot and down to earth (some were trashed and making out- I believe I took a photo of this), pool room in the back, decent drink prices and all of us had a table to ourselves. I did the majority of my photo work here. Czuchry found ample opportunity to flex his Tucker-honed flirtacious muscle. And Thomas decided it was a good idea to teach the actors the most painful pressure points on the body. I wisely stayed away from his demonstrations. A good time was had by all and once again we found Tucker with another "friend" and on a decidedly different path than the rest of us. (i.e. another girl)

So we headed out to another bar, sans Tucker, the name of which was Barcadia I think. At this point the locals were getting a bit weary of my constant photographing- so I was spared the constant photo setup. This was great because oddly enough a random comment thrown at me was banging around in my head. At the previous bar three seperate girls had asked me if I was a paparazzi. Ouch. Something about the idea of exploiting these guys had really hit home with me. I always make it clear to the actors that none of the photos I take will ever see the light of day if they are uncomfortable with them and I usually am a pretty good judge of when to put the lens cap on. Plus Tucker personally reviews every photo, so the likelihood of one of my photos pissing someone off is relatively small. However, those stupid girls still got to me. Whatever.

We spent the remainder of the night encountering the following: a 22 year old virgin getting engaged and fighting off the urge to laugh at Czuchry's jokes, a 19 year old's bachelorette party at a random Italian restaurant, 2:20AM pizza and Jesse fielding a request to help a dude find a strip club, oh and Thomas almost being hit by a car due to severe intoxication. I was a tired dude by the time I hit the sack.

The next morning we saddled up and headed home. First however, Jesse had to stop and get his damn iPhone fixed and of course of all the days Jesse picked to get his phone fixed it had to be the day that the stupid 3G was released. Luckily Jesse's charms allowed us to avoid the massive nerd line that went around the whole goddamn block. You should have soon the defeated looks of hundreds of people when the Apple store sold out of the black model. Apparently, the color white is so last year. Also, check out the photo of the blonde chick working at the Apple store- she nearly fainted when she realized "Logan" from Gilmore Girls was standing next to her.

After the brief pit stop we were back on the road headed towards Shreveport. About an hour in we stopped for gas only to realize that I had missed a sign for the 20 East freeway and now was headed towards Arkansas. Predictably Tucker was pissed and I was a bit embarrassed. After consulting google maps Tucker declared that we would need to travel through the backroads to get onto the 20. As we headed deeper into farm country, Jesse brought out his guitar and began quietly playing some old classic rock licks. The guitar had a soothing effect that put everyone in the car in a quiet, contemplative mood. We passed farm house after farm house, truck after truck, field after field with only Jesse's guitar and the occasional comment here or there breaking the silence.

Slowly but surely the conversations picked up again and the guys started getting back in the groove of bagging on eachother, telling stories about the Playboy mansion and laughing. But for a few moments it became clear to me that these guys had bonded. You certainly can't put a price on that sort of honesty on screen. And for all of my struggling and doubts I'm happy to be a part of a cast and crew that their heads and hearts in the right spot.

Disruption

2008-07-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

Some people have a VERY hard time understanding Tucker's success. People I've talked to attribute it to sex or juvenile humor or simply understanding the male psyche. His "special" ability to channel the machismo element hidden beneath every man. Tucker is who every guy wants to be they say.

Here's my idea: Disruption.

Tucker's success thus far is due to his unrelenting ability to disrupt whatever system he in. As an example: guess how many major publications reviewed Tucker's book? One. The New York Times in a blurb mentioned Tucker's book in combination with two other books they labeled as "Fratire." Granted, the New York Times is the New York Times- BUT THAT'S IT. No major publication in the whole damn country!

Guess how many weeks Tucker's book has been on the bestseller's list? 63 weeks over a three year period and all of 2008. THIS WEEK HE IS THE NUMBER EIGHTH BEST SELLING NON FICTION BOOK IN THE COUNTRY- three years from publication. How is this possible? Traditional media all but ignored Tucker (the scattered interview here and there). How did he solve this problem?

First, let's backtrack, and look at what has Tucker done proactively to ensure his book's success.

1. Access.

Tucker reads every single one of his emails. I know this. Don't believe me? Email him yourself- I guarantee he'll read it, although I won't guarantee he won't ridicule you. If you want to talk with Tucker about something intelligently chances are he personally emails you back. By virtue of me being in Shreveport Louisiana right now, I am living proof of this. More importantly and to the thrust of my argument, Tucker has managed to foster the creation of a community of people with him at the focal point- his messageboard. Ask yourself- what is the common thread between these thousands of people, discussing hundreds of topics at a given time? What binds them together? Tucker. In essence an entire sub culture has evolved from the basis of one common interest; that interest being an author who, at his leisure, can and often does lead the discussion. Can you point to one other author who commands such a devoted and more importantly invested fanbase? Talk about "branding." This is branding re-defined, Tucker's brand has become the thoughts and ideas of his fans. This exchange IS his brand.

To wrap up my thoughts on access consider this- Tucker posts most of his content for FREE. Go to Tuckermax.com. Click stories. Read them. Guess what- you've just digested HALF of his bestseller I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. HALF. Consumers know instantly if they want more Tucker Max. Traditional media can certainly provide them the paperback, but TUCKER provides: the stories, the movie, the blog, the message board and they can become a part of all of it.

They can be come invested in Tucker Max and the living, breathing community of Tucker Max all at once.

2. A tour (more an example than a reason, but worth discussing).

Book tours are mainstream. They happen all the time. How did Tucker mold it into his idea of new media?

From the beginning he did things on his terms. He announced it via his personal website, kept a personal journal chronicling his adventures with photos and firsthand accounts. He personally invited his fans to come and meet him, buy a book, get an autograph and HANG OUT WITH HIM. (And when the fans were done seeing Tucker in person, they could go and post on the website and continue the discussion.)

If you love someone's content, (i.e. the way I love a Lee Child novel) you are invested to make a singular purchase (I will buy Lee Child's next book). If I attach value to Tucker's tour ("Tucker had a drink with me" or even "I saw Tucker drink in person"), what are the chances I am more invested in Tucker and his success?

3. The movie blog. This may be the most paradigm shifting revolution that Tucker has incidentally started.

Consider this as also a reason for his film's (hopeful) success. Let's break this down very basically: the movie blog is Tucker's first hand perspective on making his first movie. He has blogged about financing, casting, pre-production, me getting my ass kicked, selecting a director, selecting the principals, etc. etc. I have personally taken over 1200 photos documenting every SINGLE aspect of Tucker's producing life thus far. I have had zero limitations placed on me or the photos I take. In fact, Tucker gave me this initiative: the only way to get fired is to NOT take the photo.

I could go on about the video, but it only serves to prove the same point. Look at the access you get on Tucker's movie blog. Look at the CONTENT. Ever seen a thousand stills devoted to a movie before? No. Ever seen a producer talk about riders on a blog- AT LENGTH?

Better question- do you know what an actor's rider is? If you read Tucker's blog you would. If you were curious why Tucker hired Bob Gosse of ALL THE DIRECTOR'S IN HOLLYWOOD, (this is actually extremely disruptive in and of itself, but that's a whole different post) you could merely click his site and find out. He will tell you exactly why he has made his choices.

He has created a world opened to everyone: people interested in him, people interested in his content and people interested in film or hell, people just interested in good CONTENT.

Show me ONE other movie or author that has done or is doing this right now.

Darko Studios has effectively given Tucker full creative control over this movie. Think about this: the money does NOT have control. Unheard of. Still curious why he didn't go to Fox or Warners?

And one day, if this movie hits like I think it will, this industry is going to have rethink the way things were.

One last thing to consider- according to Alexa's ranking the I Hope They Serve Beer blog is already in the top 100 movie blogs. Let that sink in. In two months, a website dedicated TO ONE SPECIFIC MOVIE, is in the top 100 of all movie blogs in the world... Food for thought.

Cast was announced, I went out to a bar with Tucker, Bob, Nils & fiancee and the "fake Tucker" Matt Czuchry. Here's the shot I felt I framed up best:

Drive Thru Bars, Choked Out & Senator Clinton

2008-07-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

First things first. If you have not seen this video- go take a look. Jeff the AP is not a man to be trifled with. Tucker did a pretty good job describing what happened.

My most stunning discovery this week however, was the existence of DRIVE THRU bars. I had heard rumors of such things, but… it literally exceeded every expectation I had. The place is called "Cajun Daquiris" and it is about a 5 minute drive from our house. I went through around 3PM on Thursday and the line extended into traffic. As I checked out the menu (pictures below) I realized YOU COULD ORDER SHOTS. You can pull up, order 4 shots and be on your way. Unbelievable. Also, they have happy hour specials- even writing about this still blows my mind.

The 4^th of July saw Jeff "acquiring" about 900 dollars worth of fireworks. It was also the day that beer pong began at the house. Nils is good, I still haven't beat him, but other than his uncanny ability, I think this may be the one game I will dominate.

Actors arrive beginning on Monday. The Variety piece was apparently supposed to have run this week, if it doesn't run on Monday- Tucker will announce them on the blog. I'll be there when the actor who plays Tucker arrives- so you can expect video of that.

We went on our last location scout, everything is ready to go. Rehearsals start next week. Those will all be taped, although I seriously doubt those will be released until after the movie is released. Funnily enough I talked with Tucker about sequel ideas, which is a foregone conclusion if this movie blows up. I pitched him an opening scene which was sort of close to the general direction of what they have written. Odd coincidence.

I've taken a TON of pictures over the last few days. Check out the blog. A few of my favorites below.

The Cast

2008-06-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

The cast is going to be announced this week and I thought I'd chime in with a few thoughts. First and foremost- you are not going to recognize these actors. In fact, unless you watch a certain girly show religiously, I'm going to guarantee you will not recognize the guy who plays Tucker. The same goes for the female parts (although these girls are SMOKING hot).

This is an interesting dynamic because conventional Hollywood wisdom is to get a bankable star, get him or her attached to the script and work from there. Luckily for Tucker, the script was bankable, his brand is bankable and his determination NOT to sell to a major studio has ensured that he has complete creative control over his project.

For instance, two days ago the costume designer came in with ideas for Tucker. One of her thoughts was to have Tucker in a suit jacket, looking sort of pseudo-intellectual. WRONG. Tucker was there to point out that never in his life has he worn a suit jacket out to the bars and when he can, he usually dresses down. There is a VERY good reason for this- when Tucker goes out he is the "show." He has no need nor no desire to wear flashy jewelry or clothing that might distract/detract from him and his personality. Most of the douchebag guys you see at a bar are more concerned with what they are wearing, what car they drive, how much their watch cost etc. For Tucker- anything that distracts from him and his "show" is stupid. (As an aside she also wanted the character of Slingblade to be wearing a black trenchcoat... Not a positive response from Tucker)

To meander back to my point: by turning down multi-million dollar offers from studios for rights to his script, Tucker ensured that he could be there to stop ideas that deviated from his vision and from his script. This extends to casting. If this were a studio movie, Justin Timberlake or someone very akin to Justin Timberlake, would be starring as Tucker. In fact, Justin Timberlake was discussed early on as an option for the character of Tucker by the producers. Tucker shot that down. Why?

For a character as well defined and unique as Tucker Max, the character must be utterly believable. People already have pre-defined views of who Justin Timberlake is. Who doesn't know Justin Timberlake was in N'sync? Who doesn't know he dated Britney Spears? I'm not going to say if he is a bad actor or not, who knows- maybe he could have pulled off a good performance. What I do know is that the goal for EVERY cast member was to find the very best person for the part, in the hopes that they would BECOME that character.

You can see this sort of mentality up and down our crew and cast list. Look at Bob Gosse our director, look at our production company (Darko Studios), look at me- who hires a guy fresh out of film school to do behind the scenes stills and video?

Luckily for me Tucker is not averse to taking a chance on people who he believes in, people who are dedicated to their position and people who are committed to getting the job done.

Unfortunately for Justin Timberlake, his baggage precluded him from being part of a superb project.

P.S. Heard this story from our location manager. One "name" actor who came through Shreveport had in his contract that at every location a NBA regulation size court had to be arranged and painted for him. Our poor location manager had to do this 19 times and this asshole only used it 2 or 3 times. I certainly won't miss that sort of crap.

At Top: Our soon to be announced male leads.

UPDATED: Houston and Paul Wall

2008-06-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

Update 06/25/08

Video footage is up over at the movie blog:

IHTSBIH Blog

I just got back from Houston and a treacherous drive through Texas and northern Louisiana. I am plopped on the couch listening to some Pepper trying to relax. It was a successful day, no doubt, but also a stressful one.

I roused my ass up around 9 this morning and prepped my still and video camera. As soon as that was done Tucker handed me the keys to his car. Yesterday he informed me that he had come to realization that a man of his "station" in life deserves a driver, so the 4 hour drive to Houston would be on me. A quick word on driving in the South for those who have not done it- IT BLOWS.

The freeway signage looks like it was put together by monkeys on crack. Freeways sneak up on you like nobody's business and most of them don't make any fucking sense. (i.e. a sign will point left, but if you should, like an idiot, go left you will end up on the wrong goddamn highway). As if that wasn't bad enough ,Houston's freeways involve, in order- gigantic ass frontage roads with their own on ramp systems parallel to the goddamn highway, shitty signage and here's a new one FREEWAY U-TURNS. So, given that Tucker is the worst backseat passenger ever, not exactly a stress-free environment. Whatever. Nils and I had fun making fun of the backass country we traveled through. No joke there was a front yard that included the following: a school bus, tractor, taxi, and assorted lawnmowers. Awesome.

Anyway, after getting to Houston, we kicked it at a Chili's for a while. Tucker had explained to us that Paul had his own time schedule which was sort of "Paul time." So the Chili's excursion turned into a Chuck E Cheese excursion, which required the three of us (Nils, Tucker, myself) to cross a highway. On foot. Exciting. Oddly enough, as we were walking, Tucker was recognized by some chick flying past us in a car. Go figure. Speaking of women, some Houston chick (I hesitate to use the word "whore," it's just so mean) was texting Tucker the ENTIRE time we were in the area. The girl had reservations about hooking up at Paul Wall's place. Not hooking up with Tucker mind you, just not at Paul's place. Classy gal.

Moving on. I managed to navigate us to Paul's place and I quickly got my camera package together and headed in. Of course on the first day of video shooting I fucked up immediately by saying "Hello" to Paul and putting the camera down, missing a key shot. Big mistake not getting Tucker's entrance on film and he was vocal in letting me know about it. Normally I come down pretty hard on myself for an error like that, but in this case- meeting Paul Wall was pretty fucking cool. Even a "dumbshit" assistant is allowed to get starstruck on occasion.

(Someone asked me why we didn't just re-shoot a fake entrance- answer: I DESPISE reality TV and am doing my damndest to not do ANY sort of reality bullcrap shooting. I missed the shot and that's that.)

It turns out we weren't actually at Paul's house, we were instead at the house of his manager where Paul lays down all of his vocals. I shut up and proceeded to follow Tucker and Nils upstairs to Paul's recording area. Here's something unreal- Paul's recording room is RIGHT next to a bathroom. I'm not even kidding. Literally, you step out of the recording room and stare at a toilet. I'll try to pull some stills from our video, pretty hilarious. Anyway, Paul laid down some vocals for a song I can't talk about, suffice to say it fit RIGHT in with the movie and is more than appropriate. The song will definitely be in rotation in my iTunes. After recording the song and some discussion between Nils, Tucker and Paul we headed out.

All in all I said maybe two words to Paul, but he couldn't have been a nicer guy. Tucker of course introduced me as "he doesn't matter," so I doubt Paul has any impression of me whatsoever. But, as I was leaving Paul grabbed my shoulder and gave me a nice smile. Something he didn't have to do and after a stressful day, it was a nice boost and indicative of the kind of guy Paul is.

A special photo below for anyone who reads Tucker's stories. I'm not going to describe it, but you guys can guess all you want. Video and more stills later this week (Tucker has an embargo until Thursday or Friday).

Getting It Done

2008-06-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

One of the things I’m picking up rather quickly in Shreveport is that Tucker knows exactly what he wants. This goes for all facets of his life- be it production or personal. As an example, during auditions he would stand up and give notes to actors, literally explaining minute details to them in the hopes of an improved performance (most of them didn’t get it). Keep in mind we were auditioning roles that had at MOST 3 lines in the entire movie. The script is cemented in his head.

Tucker understands completely what he has to do to get this movie "in the can." He knows what it takes to get it done. As he was explaining to me the other day, my role is to now figure out how to become a professional. How to get my job done efficiently and correctly. Last night, we had a BBQ here at the house. It was almost unbelievable to see the amount of talent I was talking to, joking with and hanging out with. I was helping Bob Gosse (the director) make corn on the cob, playing baseball with Sean McKittrick (producer), and listening to Darren Demetre (line producer) tell jokes. Hell, I live with Nils (screenwriter) and Jeff (Associate Producer) and they have welcomed me into their inner circle… although I’m still enduring the wonderful experience of being the constant butt end of their jokes. Trial by fire Nils calls it.

Tucker has done a better job of explaining their roles with respect to the film on the movie blog, but I think what I can add is to emphasize just how wonderful these people are personally. Not a bit of arrogance, (cough, TUCKER, cough) not a bit of hesitation answering my questions about the business or life in general.

You hear a lot about how Hollywood is made up of arrogant assholes. To be honest, to some extent people in L.A. are obsessed with the superficial. Hopefully, this brief glimpse into the people behind IHTSBIH helps to give you a better sense of the wonderful, creative unsung heroes of film and television.

In other news, we had our first arrest this morning. The charge was “Drunk in Public,” bail set at $330. I ventured down to Boosier City jail at ten and have ZERO intention of going back. Seeing as how I'm usually the sober driver, hopefully I can manage to stay away from any "Deliverance" style action. At the “celebratory” breakfast, sponsored by our jailbird, I sampled some Crawfish and Alligator at a local BBQ place. Can’t say that I’m a fan of either. Too much of a “city boy.”

Tonight I head to Houston with Tucker and Nils to meet Paul Wall. More on that tomorrow.

Photos soon.

Stripper Auditions

2008-06-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

Day one down.

I woke up on the couch around 9 on Thursday. The cot that Tucker had setup for me upstairs looked a little harsh and the couch seemed rather inviting in comparison. Regardless, I didn’t get much sleep- I repeatedly dreamt about my camera breaking. However, once awake, I shook off my little nightmare and became quite productive. My dual screen editing system is now up and running. Soon, I’ll begin posting behind the scenes videos online. Also, I’ll be linking to Flickr and Youtube. Perhaps, most importantly, I’ve tasted the deliciousness of a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich- highly recommended.

The majority of my time today was spent taking still photographs of our 6 hour casting session. We (and by we I mean Nils, Tucker, Ian and myself) departed for IHTSBIH headquarters around 1. The headquarters are about 10 minutes away from our house and basically consist of one half of an office building devoted to everything “Beer in Hell” related. Pretty much everyone important (“above the line”) has an office here. Of particular geek note today I met IHTSBIH producer Sean McKittrick, who for all those film nerds out there, also produced “Donnie Darko.” Fucking sweet. Nice guy too.

I saw over 40 people read for various speaking roles, most of which I can’t talk about. However, there is one role that I can discuss. Today, I watched as numerous scantily clad women, rounded up from local strip clubs, attempt to string together sentences in order to win the coveted roles of “Stripper 1” and “Stripper 2.” Guess how many we cast in speaking roles? Good guess. A few get to be extras, but to be quite fair- JESUS CHRIST. I mean, it’s expected that strippers might not be the greatest conversationalists in the world, but even so- I’m not kidding when I say that one or two legitimately could barely read. At this point I’m sure you’re going- Well dumbass, strippers aren’t paid to read, they are paid to be hot. Oh dear reader, not in Shreeveport, These chicks were not HOT, not pretty, not much of anything. I’m not even talking L.A. standards, but just general standards- wowie wow. I felt guilty watching them talk. I could almost feel their father’s absence.

On another note completely different note, I also took stills of another important aspect of casting- an office space I’ll call the “war room.” In this room are hundreds upon hundreds of headshots. Most are scattered across the main desk of the room and on chairs. A select few are posted to the wall. These wall shots indicate that the producers have decided upon them for a role in the film. The sheer number of people who have come into read for parts vs. the 25 or so that are on wall is staggering. Acting is such an unrelentingly hard life, it’s increasingly difficult for me to recommend it to anyone. Out of the forty or fifty actors and actresses I saw today, I can only saw with real certainty that ten or eleven had any real talent… on any level. If you really want this life, the travel, the auditions, the rejections, you must do it for the right reasons.

You must want to improve your craft. Believe in characters and stories. Doing it for fame or to be the next paparazzi target will only bring you constant rejection. I’m young in this industry, but one thing is for certain- you must bring passion to your work.

Or you’ll be doomed to a life of discarded headshots.

Can't post any of my production photos yet... but here's a few shots of life in Shreveport.

Editing Set Up

Ever growing alcohol table in kitchen

Toy table in living room

Living With Tucker

2008-06-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

The last time I wrote on this blog was a little over a year ago. Since then, I've graduated and begun a new adventure that warrants writing about. My posts should be much more frequent- you'll see why. I suggest as a primer for this particular adventure you familiarize yourself with the film I'm working on and the blog of the producer I'm working for- (http://www.ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com)

Welcome to my life living with Tucker Max.

I am sitting in an Amtrak train leaving Dallas TX. I’ve just gotten off the phone with my father who is now officially worried about me and frightened by my employer and worst of all I’m coming down with a cold. I am probably four or five hours away from Shreveport, Louisiana, that is assuming I get there today. If and when I arrive I will be living with bestselling author and internet celebrity Tucker Max.

Inevitably, it is best to start at the beginning. Which, of late, usually involves people looking at me and going, “How the hell are you working for Tucker Max?” Or, in some cases laughing at me and calling bullshit. I actually prefer this response as it usually involves a lot less of the same question. There are only so many times I can answer “Yeah, pretty much” to the question “Is he like how he is in his stories?” Although at this particular moment, since I’m stuck on a fucking train soon to be stuck on a fucking bus, out 400 bucks and not sitting in Shreveport drinking a beer (which is what I’m guessing Tucker is up to right now), I’d probably answer “No, he actually is a closet homosexual.” Or since, as my friends have told me via text message, Tucker updated his website to announce that he has seen fit to give away my room in the house, contented to see me and another assistant compete for it to amuse him, I may in fact respond, “He’s a closet homosexual and I think he has Hepatitis.”

I am still ahead of myself. How did I end up here?

Back in Los Angeles I am (or was I suppose) a member of a fraternity at Loyola Marymount University. This particular fraternity had well earned the reputation of “party frat, animal house, alcoholics, etc.” I loved it. Great guys, great times, not too serious. However, this level of debauchery did not lend itself to the essential act of “getting shit done.” This led to numerous confrontations with the school and a general apathy among members. As a senior this past year, I noticed that we really had done jack shit community service wise for about 2 and a half years. In an effort to alleviate the school’s concerns that we were a bunch of degenerates, I scoured the internet for community service ideas that were “appropriate.”

A quick history- I found Tucker’s website in high school and like most guys in high school thought it was pretty damn funny. I never bought his book, but snuck peaks at it in bookstores. I glanced at his message board infrequently, finally got around to registering a name, but after looking at the general discourse (notable exception: Member Boobie Thread) decided I had better things to do.

So, it was during one of these infrequent visits to the message board that lightning struck. I remembered that Tucker had used to hold “Tanked for the Troops” events across the eastern U.S. The general premise behind these fundraisers being that the more alcohol Tucker and his fans purchased at a bar, the more money the bar would donate to our injured troops via charitable organizations. Great idea for my fraternity, especially given that one of our members is a Marine. I emailed Tucker asking if I could use his logo in the hopes of attracting more people than the local LMU drunks for our event. He said of course and I planned the event at a local dive. The event went as well as it could have (Tucker initially said he might show up, but I think had second thoughts when he realized LMU was no USC size wise- although I happen to believe LMU chicks are hotter) and that was that. I emailed Tucker one last time thanking him for his help and offering my services (inasmuch as they are as a film student grad) for his new film. I didn’t expect a response and didn’t get one.

Three weeks went by; school went on, my party life style reached new heights as I realized that my last few days as a worry free college student were slipping away. One day I booted up my inbox and saw Tucker’s name, which, believe it or not, is still very surreal to me. It was a simple message- “I think I have something for you. When can you meet?”

I was stunned. I honestly had no idea what he could possibly want. My immediate thought was that he needed an extra hand to do some computer work. This was good news. I do web design on the side for some extra cash and getting to work with Tucker even via email would be fun for a few months. If nothing else, I could say I met the guy and who knows maybe get an autograph. I quickly emailed him back “Whenever” and we set up a meeting.

We met a coffee shop somewhere in East Hollywood (I think, I know jack shit about Los Angeles geographically, even after living there for four years). All I know is that it was a coffee shop that any pseudo screenwriter/producer would comfortable in. I pulled up to the parking lot and got out of my car and immediately noticed someone who I thought was Tucker talking animatedly on his cell phone. I gathered up my resume, folder and pen took a deep breath and started to walk to the coffee shop. I waved to Tucker to let him know I was there and he simply told me to grab a table inside and sit down. I sat down ordered a drink and waited. I jotted down notes nervously, just to pass the time, keeping my head on a swivel. After about 25 minutes or so, I saw a guy I recognized, or who I thought I recognized as an actor. Couldn’t place him, but I knew he’d been in something I’d seen. He was followed by a typical “Entourage” style posse dressed as “hip, Hollywood artists” that made me want to choke them. (A quick aside, I don’t dislike actors, in fact I very much enjoy the collaborative process of directing- I DO however, hate actors who are in this business for the wrong reasons and think they are God’s gift to mankind. I’d rather listen to Celine Dion on repeat than a self important actor talking as if people give a shit.) I couldn’t tell anything about this particular guy, other than I thought his friends looked like douchebags.

Another 20 minutes roll by. I fidget a bit, but I’m not going anywhere- it’s going to take at least an hour and a half before I even consider heading home. As I’m pondering ordering some food, Tucker appears, throws his bag down on the table and informs me he is taking a piss. I don’t even think I got out a hello.

After a few minutes, Tucker sat back down and I introduced myself and listened to him as he explained what he wanted- essentially someone who could shoot and cut behind the scenes footage of his new movie. I offered my resume, but he didn’t even glance at it informing me that “If you can’t do the job, I’ll fire you. I’ve lived enough in the world of resumes, if you say you can do it, than do it.” The details were simple- Tucker would fly me out to Louisiana, I’d live with him and get credit for being the producer and director of the behind the scenes material. Pretty good deal, I told him I was in. Later, I met his ex-girlfriend Erin, who is wonderful. I’m sure I’ll write more about her, but suffice to say, she has a kind and pleasant demeanor and is a very interesting ying to Tucker’s yang.

Several weeks went by and I compiled a budget for Tucker, the first of which was god-awful and Tucker thankfully gave me a second chance. I began to order equipment and wrap my head around the idea that I would be moving to Louisiana. I made preparations to quit my job – a great job I might add, my favorite thus far. All the while I corresponded and met up with Tucker I began to get two separate impressions of him. He was brutally honest and not hesitant to call me out when I fucked up. I have many emails filled with colorful phrases to describe how Tucker felt about me on these occasions. Coupled with this sentiment I got the impression that he was obsessed with his movie and that he often felt I was taking up too much of his time. His emails are always short and terse, his text messages even more so. It is quite easy for me to imagine on some days that Tucker genuinely does not like me. On the other hand, he had taken a hell of a chance and even in one short exchange, offered me encouragement. And to top it off, he wanted me to live with him. So who knows? I’ve had tough bosses before, great bosses before, assholes, friends you name it- just never one quite like Tucker.

So here I am sitting on my Amtrak train, an hour away from Longview, Texas where I will board a bus headed for Shreveport. I just sent a text message to Tucker informing him that I was in buttfuck Texas on a train, headed for a bus and arriving around 10.

His response was a typical “Ok.”

Book Publishing

2007-06-11T01:24:00.000-07:00

Somehow I've managed to end up in book publishing. After giving up a job on campus (a story deserving of a post in and of itself) a friend recommended me for an internship with a children's book publishing company. The company is run by an older couple, David and Judy. I interviewed with David at a Denny's (he called it "his Denny's") wherein I ordered a Coke and he had plain toast. The odd interview was the setting for what has become an extremely odd, but entertaining part of my employment history thus far.

David and Judy are quite the couple, their constant bickering is reflective of many of the Jewish couples I've met in L.A. thus far. They are very traditional, refusing even to upgrade their hopelessly outdated Windows 95 based computers. In fact, as I work on book proposals which often number in the 15-20 page range, it will often take me a half hour to print out drafts as the computers crash after printing out 5 or 6 pages and I'm forced to restart the PCs. Not surprisingly, they also steadfastly cling to their dial up modem, making the research I do on potential clients an hour long journey to just browse a few dozen pages.

It would normally follow that such a behind the curve philosophy at the office would translate to an equally out of date business plan, but ironically the company is still afloat. David has smartly capitalized on the media hysteria related to the environment and global warming. He has angled our products to offer something to large corporations that most companies cannot- educational, positive PR.

So while working for David and Judy is somewhat absurd, for now it pays the bills. And while David my shirk in fear when I clear my throat (Do you have a cold? Would you like some tea? Don't touch the keyboards!), he is the boss.

Speaking of publishing, a story I worked on is going to be published in a collection entitled "Tomorrow's Leaders." And the the battle I fought with their editors is what I'm going to share next time.

Fatherland

2006-12-30T14:08:00.000-08:00

I read voraciously over semester breaks. I try to get through about a book a day and if I'm lucky- I can. There's no rhyme or reason to the books I read- whatever is lying around, a recommendation from my dad - who knows. However, the speed with which I read often dictates that the pleasure from each book is short lived. The plot, characters and chapters blur quickly. This was not the case with Robert Harris's book Fatherland.

Originally published in 1992, this somehow caught my father's eye recently and I came home one day after wrapping up a Nelson DeMille mystery (Night Fall- good book) to the stark cover of Harris's novel. My dad simply prefaced the novel by telling me "You should read this."

Fatherland opens in 1964- the Nazis have defeated the Allies and the Third Reich dominates Europe. The Jews have mysteriously been "relocated" from Europe and an uneasy alliance exists between America and Germany. The protagonist, Xavier March, works for the German police department as the country prepares to celebrate Hitler's, or Father's, 75th birthday and a visit from current U.S. President, Joseph Kennedy.

The murder of a former prominent Nazi official drags the disillusioned police detective into a great murder mystery- however, that isn't I'm reccomending it. The thematic elements of appeasement is hard to ignore in Fatherland. The Nazi ruled Germany is a stark portend of things to come if "appeasement" ever becomes a legitimate diplomatic strategy in the U.S. With countries like Iran holding disgusting Holocaust denial conferences, a reminder like Fatherland helps you to keep your head on straight.

Pick it up.

Election Day

2006-11-07T15:24:00.000-08:00

Inspired by this article (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,227820,00.html) I figured I'd chime in on my frame of mind on this election day. For those of you wanting a brief summary- most of the choices in political races I care about are between a douche and a turd and I'm frankly not real excited.

It's a sad state of affairs when I can't even muster the energy to vote for Libertarians (which is sort of akin to voting Republican in loony California- not worth it). I could go out and "make a statement" by throwing my votes away for Libertarian candidates- and to be fair there definitely are a few worth candidates. For instance, a blind, deaf and dumb Barry Hess could govern Arizona better than Janet Napolitano. But these cases are really few and far between. In some cases I can wrestle enough with myself to vote Republican (in Presidential races I usually do), but why the hell should I reward the Republican party this year? I honestly can't recognize what the hell I'd be voting for. Let's take a look at some of the campaign issues the GOP cares about:

Terror: Granted there hasn't been an attack on American soil since 9/11 and handing over national security issues to Democrats is a lot like letting a McDonald's employee run a space shuttle. However, our PR could sure use some work. I have an idea- can the Republican's run on the platform of "Now, not pissing off our allies!"

Social Security: The GOP blew it. One of Bush's key programs that would have actually done some good, reforming Social Security fell by the wayside because Republicans are a bunch of sissies. Instead of standing up to Democrats and issuing a broad "Get your money grubbing hands off of my social security money" they instead said, "Woah there Georgie, this could potentially be unpopular unless we devote some serious time to explaining it to our constituents." Whoops- good idea out the door.

Gay Marriage: Who gives a crap? Since when does Government have any right to interfere with social issues? Oh wait, I remember, NEVER. Voting for Republicans on the basis of gay marriage is only going to send the wrong message- keep interfering, legislate morality!

Taxes: You'll notice I haven't really touched on any Democratic talking points because I still don't know what the hell their campaign is other than "Hey, we're not in the same party as George Bush" which, interestingly enough, was pretty much the basis of John Kerry's entire Presidential campaign. One thing I have heard Democrats whine about is tax cuts. So, while the Republicans continue to expand government (WRONG) they also tease fiscal conservatives with permanent tax cuts (RIGHT). After having a Republican Congress, Senate and President and not seeing any slowdown of the growth of the behemoth that is our government, I'll take a pass this time around.

Iraq: Last but not least- Iraq. While I am a supporter of the war (briefly: in the long term, a friendly Democracy in the Middle East is a really, really, really, really good idea), I understand with America's extremely liberal coverage of the war, why many people are not. It is also sort of a stupid idea (I'm talking to you Nancy Pelosi) to encourage voters to have a "referendum" position on this election. This is not a referendum, this is individuals being elected to Congress. Voting on one issue is an extremely stupid concept. While we're on the subject, Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House (Will she be allowed to change it to "Supreme Comrade of the House"?) is also a terrible concept.

So, to summarize, if you're voting, vote libertarian and for God's sake whatever you do, don't vote Democrat. I for one have spent my election day watching the frantic news coverage with a cup of tea and a smile. The fanatics on both ends are usually (if not always) wrong.

And so I sit back and relax. Some might call me the stereotypical apathetic voter, but I'm not. The two parties have offered nothing in the way of intelligence or excitement and tomorrow, whatever the result, Americans have been duped again into believing either party will offer real change.

Who Is Pretending?

2006-10-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

Our wonderful Loyolan newspaper (motto: Facts are for amateurs) has once again collectively dumbed down the general populace of LMU. Jeremy Tratner's opinion piece, entitled "Stop Pretending To Be What You're Not" (Can you pretend to be something you are?) is an amusing hit piece attempting to attack the Greek populace at large.

While I strongly believe that Mr. Tratner wrote this piece while intoxicated, due to his large pulpit, I felt I'd address some of his concerns about the Greek community here at LMU. Granted, I'd like nothing more to point out that, long term, the LMU Greek system is in deep trouble, but for now let's deal with Mr. Tratner and help him realize that we are not in fact... pretending.

Tratner's incoherent ramblings begin with him trying to figure out why he doesn't like sports. "I have never been much of a sports fan, so perhaps I have not been able to build up immunity to the aggressive tonalities that surround competitive contact sports." Aggressive tonalities? I'm assuming here that Tratner is talking about Greek Week football, where the only tonality you might encounter is a human yell. Yes, strange I know Jeremy, that someone might yell for the ball or to encourage a teammate. But don't you worry, these aggressive brutes will keep their distance and if for some reason they don't, there are power hungry RAs just a few feet away in Hannon. They'll come and save from the onslaught of Greek brutality.

This identity crisis aside, Tratner moves on to the meat of his argument, which is so loony that I have to reproduce it intact: "[LMU] acts as a microcosm and breeding ground for some of the practices and mentalities that prevent our society from progressing. The "progress" that I am referring to is not one of fiscal domination. What I am more concerned with is this notion of affiliation. If one truly questions why they do the things they do, wear the clothes they wear, or drink the beer they drink, for example, they may discover that there are other factors that determine their choices, besides personal preference." WOW. Get all that? Let's go over his two central points:

1. LMU is NOT a microcosm of the real world. If this were the case my dad would be hitting beer bongs on Sunday nights and sleeping through work because he is hungover. College is a unique four years of life that in no way is a microcosm of "life" at large. (At LMU it's even worse than the average college, we're about one prom away from an episode of Saved By The Bell)

2. I choose to do things because it is my goddamn personal preference. His line of reasoning is borderline ridiculous. No one takes my hand, removes my wallet and makes me buy myself an In N Out burger or any other product. Why do I eat In N Out burger- BECAUSE THE BURGER TASTES GOOD. His premise makes my head hurt. Watch how he later attempts to tie it into Greek Life: "These factors are, more often than not, completely detached from the self and, as a result, render an "individual's choice" the same as mere reiteration of a particular group's mentality. With all ambiguity aside, I have been terribly perplexed by this very practice that has been steadfast throughout the duration of my time here at LMU."

Ooo, lots of big and polysyllabic words. Let's get this straight- you are confused by the practice of people who hang out together and who are likely friends, enjoying the same food, clothes and beer? Pass the bong, Cheech.

NEXT.

I think I'll go ahead and comment right after every sentence is in the next passage.

What is a fraternity or a sorority really? (Oh, I don't know Jeremy, a group of close knit friends embracing a common goal? How's that for a start?) Opting not to join one myself, (shut up, stop writing, you clearly are not qualified) I suppose I have not been privy to certain secret information that may perhaps reveal their profound truths. (No shit Sherlock and I don't know what it's like to play in the NFL) But based on observations (we'll get to these later) and my close contact with some "brothers" and "sisters" over the years, it seems that what these organizations offer is a rather confused mess. (Confused mess? I'm familiar with one of those... Do you have an editor for instance?)

This is killing me, but I must continue...

This notion of "brotherhood" or "sisterhood" has been taken to a level where it dances on the thin line of relevance. (In some sororities and fraternities perhaps, not mine) I understand the inclination to achieve these kinds of bonds with another human being. (Oh really? Then once again, spare us) But should they come at the expense of their foundation? (The foundation is BROTHERHOOD AND SISTERHOOD YOU DUNCE) Is that brotherhood or sisterhood formed only after two individuals endure psychological and physical degradation together? (Degradation? Try completing a task as a team. Standing up for a fellow brother. Merit. Honor. Are these words in your vocabulary?) Or after a nominal fee is paid? (Haven't heard that one before)

The stories I have heard about the initiation processes to these organizations are absolutely ridiculous. (Any story you have heard is likely untrue- secrecy is a tenet of most if not all organizations- I once told a guy I had to kill a bear with only a kitchen knife) No one can tell me that eating an extremely hot pepper and vomiting promotes philanthropy. (Um... no. And no one is ever going to say that eating a pepper and vomiting promote anything other than juvenile humor, connecting the two is the work of a sophomoric journalist, not the Greeks) I don't think I would be very mindful of philanthropy if I was being forced to drink all-American urine/water beer. (If you don't like American beer, then you can get the hell out of the country... communist)

Okay, so perhaps that paragraph was a little rough. I'll tone it down.

What boggles my mind most is the fact that the university takes pride in this community above all other extra-curricular organizations or activities. (1 in 4 people on this campus is Greek... do the math stupid) LMU does its best to ensure that once we leave this place we will be able to lead a successful life. (I don't know if they'd go so far as to say you have a future in writing) However, I don't know how comfortable I would feel about myself if I knew that I got a job over another person because I belonged to the same organization as the guy who was behind the hiring desk. (I'd say "Bitchin' thanks for the job, bro") More specifically, I don't know how comfortable I would feel if I was aware that the guy who is hiring me also had to run up a hill at four in the morning while pounding cheap, warm vodka. (I'd shake his hand, admire his willpower and challenge him to a flip cup game)

Hold on folks, we're actually getting to some semi-coherent points here. Back to Jeremy:

All this is not to say that the Greek community on campus does nothing for the greater community-they do indeed participate in many philanthropic activities. (Way to try and cover your ass... pansy) But are you telling me that the primary motivation for joining a fraternity or sorority is to be active in philanthropy? (NO. NO GODDAMMIT, NO ONE IS SAYING THAT, YOU ARE) Once again, be honest with yourselves people. What was the purpose of the competitive nature of Greek Week? (Actually, I'm an ADG, so I'd rather be caught dead than wearing women's clothing and choreographing a kick line, but you didn't include us in your assessment did you?) Philanthropy? (According to Greek Council, that is indeed one of the main purposes of Greek Week, great fact checking Katie Couric) Or was it something else-namely, the preservation of tradition. (Uh, no. The Greek week of old is nothing like the PC garbage we do nowadays) Those age-old institutions of Budweiser, football and the American dream mainfest themselves in fraternities and sororities. (THIS IS UNRELATED TO YOUR PREMISE, LEARN TO WRITE COHERENTLY) My intention is to merely ask people to truly question their affiliations. Is it you or is it them? Who decides for you what is fun? (Who said Greek week is fun? Greek week is many things, but I'd sure as hell hesitate to call it fun- For ADG, Greek week is nothing but another week being an ADG, which is fun- so there)

I wholeheartedly will assert here that I think college is a time for experimentation and discovery. (I'd wholeheartedly suggest discovering some college writing courses)

Is hanging out with the same group of people and excluding the rest of the student body from parties unless they are female very fun? (Hmm... let's see hanging out with ADGs and friends- CHECK; hanging out with girls- CHECK; excluding Loyolan writers with an axe to grind from all further ADG parties- CHECK) I guess it is if you worship the god of hedonism. (Or you have an average testosterone level...)

I can already anticipate people's thoughts about this. I look forward to the many dissections of my words that are about to take place. (Don't give yourself so much credit... this is sort of a verbal bitch slap)

Well there it is. Well done Jeremy, you really stuck it to us Greeks. Before we pack up our letters and move off campus I might suggest one little thing: Save us the trouble of future hippie tirades and quit pretending to be a journalist.

Luck

2006-09-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

Reminiscing about my life thus far (a scary thing to do at twenty) I've had a hard time not believing that a lot of things have "fallen into my lap." At this point, I'm not going to call it luck per se, instead choosing to label it as good karma. My friends would probably disagree.

I attended college here out in L.A. pretty much on a whim. I was accepted to a number of solid, well respected universities and debated endlessly which one to attend. I missed a number of deadlines, such that, at one point, I was registered at both Santa Clara and LMU at the same time. One day, while sitting in the kitchen with my mother, she flatly asked me what the hell I wanted to do. I had no idea (and frankly, I still don't), but I knew film school was an opportunity that I might later regret not exploiting- so what the hell? LMU it is.

My first or second week on campus I happened to attend a club fair. Purely by accident I wandered into a section of the club fair filled with on campus jobs. Even further by chance I met the Manager of a student facility wherein the job responsibilities included practically zilch. He had already started hiring, but made an exception for me and invited me to interview. I was hired after my interview and three years later, now manage that same facility.

I don't consider myself a smooth talker, nor a superb master of strategy. Yet, in times where my ass is on the line, I tend to do pretty well. Thus far in my college career I've managed to escape from 3 or 4 different University policy violations without punishment and severely talked down another incident. Perhaps more interestingly, I've also talked myself into Social Chair (and the free drinks that come with that position) the previously mentioned Manager position, all without consciously admitting that, I may actually be a bit more charming than I give myself credit for.

If luck and connections are what drive the Hollywood machine, I hope mine does not sputter out. I'm only a year away from "the real world," as it were, it would be nice if whatever karma I've got left can propel me into success.

Or if worst comes to worst, I can always try talking...

"Crashing" the 100 Million Dollar Movie

2006-08-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

Beneath the green hills of LMU, development has started on a massive housing project. Called Playa Vista, the once wetland area will serve as a huge upper class mecca. Already baseball fields are being watered, shops are being populated and a city within a city has emerged. However, should you glance eastward from Playa Vista, you would see two gargantuan buildings emerge from the flattened landscape. Amid the piles of dirt, in these two buildings a tentpole film is being shot. I won't say which one, but curious minds can put two and two together.

One Sunday morning, my friend Warren and I decided to "crash" the movie set. Wearing our college gear- shorts, flip flops, shirt, sunglasses- our initial idea was to just simply get as far as we could as fast as we could. It ended up being a lot more fun.

Our first obstacle was obvious- how do we get onto the set? As we turned our car toward an imposing guard tower, we were more than aware that this trip could end quickly. How could a guard not guess that two twenty-somethings in a Jeep Cherokee were probably trying to bullshit their way onto the location. But as we slowed to the tower, getting our stories straight, to our shock, she simply waved us through. Maybe it was our stylish shades- who knows?

With little effort we parked the car in a dirt parking, checked to make sure we had our cell phones (people on cell phones are never questioned) and walked towards the production. As we approached, no one took any notice. Two production offices (looking a lot like regular trailers) were on either side of us. Huge signs warned us against taking any pictures. We grabbed a seat next to a guy decked out in Army officer gear on a bench and pretended to be waiting for someone. A man dressed as a pilot walked by talking loudly to someone on his cell phone. Warren and I exchanged glances, stunned we had made it this far.

Quickly we hatched a second and more convincing cover story. We were extras called down by a friend (luckily Warren knew a few casting agencies to add some credence to our story) who said to be on set this afternoon. We were also lucky in knowing the production name of the film. (Quick side note: to keep unwanted people away from big film sets, producers will come up with a fake name for the film). If we dropped the real name of the film being shot, the game would be up. So we wandered for a bit, saw a massive structure being built on a dirt lot and also took in an Army helicopter, which was poised to take off. Then we moseyed on back to the production office area. Having been around for a good half hour we were about to try a massive sneak to see some actual filming when a woman, aged about 50, came up to us and quietly asked if we needed help.

DAMMIT. We were so close. I quickly pulled out our cover story, fully expecting to be thrown off the set by a burly man who benchpresses my weight. Instead she apologized for the confusion and brought us into the production office and called over to the costume department. And THEN on top of that, she informed us we would be escorted to the costume department to talk with a casting assistant personally.

A cordial young woman motioned for us to follow her. As we stepped inside the gargantuan building, my mind wandered to a moment in Fellowship of the Ring, when the heroes enter the underground cave and pause in wonder at sheer scale of the place. I looked up and at least for a moment, there didn't seem to be a ceiling.

I snapped back into reality rather quickly as we walked into the costume department. There a woman introduced herself and apologized saying they had no record of any extras with our names. However, she handed us her number and told us to call her and send in our headshots so she could use us later in production. Unreal.

Our meeting over, we were walked back to the production office, where once again someone apologized for having to ask us to leave ("security reasons you see"). Back in our car, Warren and I were admittedly excited. When should we call her? Do you think we'll get a cool extra part? etc. etc.

In retrospect, it is entirely possible that the crew knew exactly what we were up to and was just being kind to us. I like to think however, that our sly plan just happened to work on that particular day. If nothing else, it was an impressive display.

Maybe I'll give her a ring one of these days.

A Lesson In Verbal Sparring

2006-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned in the past what a joke Loyola Marymount's administration has proven to be. Specifically, I've discussed the University's total mishandling of an election in which a candidate clearly cheated. However, I'm not here to rehash that. Instead I thought I'd share a debate I had with one of the cheating candidate's (Murphy) biggest supporters.

The backstory: a friend of mine tipped me off that I had been mentioned in a Murphy messageboard. So, I of course went to read what had been said. I found this:

Elyse wrote on Mar 29, 2006 at 5:00 PM

I think Everyone needs to read the letter to the editor in this week's Loyolan. Greg Dunaway is quite demeaning. He says "the most pathetic aspect of [the Loyolan's coverage] is the way you make excuses for Murphy"
In my opinion, the only Pathetic occurence is the fact that HE needs to get over the loss of his choice for presidency. I hope he reads this. GREG, get a clue. No one wants to hear your BS.

(The letter I wrote to the Loyolan can be found here. Read it and the rest of this will make a lot more sense)

Now, if any of my friends had been around me as I read Elyse's little posting, I imagine them shaking their heads, knowing what was coming next. And they would have course not been shocked when I responded to Miss Elyse with the following, charming letter.

Hello Elyse,

One of my friends forwarded me your message board quotation. Thanks for telling me to get a clue.

Also, thanks for keeping me updated. I thought for sure that someone might want to hear my "BS" but I guess I was wrong. I'll be sure to keep any future "occurences" from containing any more "BS."

With stellar arguments like that and kind, good hearted people like you working behind him, Stephen Murphy is sure to have no problem "Fixing ASLMU."

Have a great day!

-Greg

With bait like that, I knew she would respond. How did I know? There is no easier person in the world to toy with than a college radical feminist. There are long on bullshit and short on facts. Would she respond? Of course she would. How could she not teach the chauvinist pig dog a lesson? (This is the unedited response I received. My responses are also unedited)

Oh Mr. Dunaway, I was hoping to speak to your pompous self. Your so called letter to the editor was in fact, full of shit, AKA bull shit or BS most candidly put, if you wish.

"Murphy continually lied throughout his campaign". Give me facts for that. Quite on the contrary, Murphy was a truthful, responsible candidate- a rebel in some people's eyes, for finally coming out and Saying that ASLMU truly does need to be fixed.

Shoddy reporting? I think truthful reporting is quite the opposite of shoddy. The Loyolan reported what was true throughout the campaign.

And Yes- youre so called Letter does document that Murphy was free to break election rules. WHY? Are you severely bollixed? He was a write-in candidate, thus his name was not even printed on the ballot. This allows him to do as he pleases. There are no rules for write in candidates! Were you unaware of this? If so, it might "behoove you to read the ruling".

Finally, I find your last paragraph in "[your] letter to the editor" to be quite pathetic in of itself. I want to know the exact excuses the Loyolan made for Murphy, along with his so called lies. Murphy is the new ASLMU president, and is/will be an outstanding one at that.

And by the way, you advise the Loyolan to join Murphy's campaign- Well HONEY, the campaign is over, and the presidency is in.

Have a GREAT DAY, and good luck in life!
-Elyse

P.S. Thanks for appreciating my argument, as it is stellar. I concur on that statement. And Don't worry, Murphy is sure to have NO problem whatsoever fixing ASLMU.

Not bad. Not bad. But I rubbed my hands with glee as I typed this rebuttal. I still laugh as I re-read it. Brace yourselves, it is LONG.

To Whom It May Concern:

The pompous Greg Dunaway no longer speaks in the 1st person. In all future correspondence you may refer to him as "Oh Captain My Captain" or "Supreme Ruler of the Universe."

However, he has, in his esteemed majesty, seen fit to address a few of your concerns. Consider yourself lucky. This letter is lengthy and the merciful Greg suggests taking breaks every five minutes or so.

As it pertains to cheating and just generally being a slimeball, Greg has found Stephen Murphy guilty of the following:

Murphy's campaign on several occasions both during the campaigning and voting periods was caught red handed in residence halls and apartments actively campaigning and begging for votes. Unluckily for Stephen, this was documented by Residence Hall Staff. Whoops. Supreme Ruler Greg reminds Elyse, that Residence Hall rules apply to EVERYONE, even slimeballs like Stephen Murphy.

Due to his large brain capacity, Greg will now list the following sections Murphy wantonly broke:

ASLMU Constitution Chapter XII Article IV Letter B eg 2.
ASLMU Constitution Chapter XII Article V Letter B eg 6.
LMU Student Conduct Code Section IV Letter P
LMU Housing Policy XIII Littering
LMU Housing Policy XXIV. Solicitation

Breaking these rules is called CHEATING, Supreme Ruler Greg reminds Elyse.

Furthermore, His Excellency asserts, your "rebel" hero is really nothing more than a dirty mudslinger.

During and after the election period your man-God Murphy harassed candidates, vandalized property and basically lied. Supreme Ruler Greg does not approve. Murphy's campaign vandalized real candidate's publicity, slandered people via a crappy rap song on his official (and in Greg's estimation, poorly designed) website, and issued baldfaced lies about the reasons for their disqualifications. Murphy refused to stand up like a man and own up for his cheating ways. In his Manliness, Greg would have volunteered for public lashings. Murphy, instead whined like a girly man.

Once again, His Excellency will list the violations for you- you may want to consider a gift basket for this generosity:

Student Conduct Code Article IV Letter B
Student Conduct Code Article IV Letter G
ASLMU Constitution Article III Letter 3 eg 3
ASLMU Constitution Article IV Section 9

As Supreme Ruler Greg wraps up his magnanimous letter, he would like to remind Elyse that it may indeed "behoove" her to stick to facts when calling people "idiots."

When you mess with people of superior intellect you had best bring your A game. In His Excellency's country we call what just happened getting "owned."

If Murphy is a "responsible" candidate, then perhaps Supreme Ruler Greg thinks Elyse needs to redefine some standards.

With Sincerest Arrogance,

In God We Trust,

His Holiness,

His Awesomeness,

His Really Good Lookingness,

His Supreme Ruler of Everything, Including In N'Out Which Is Delicious,

With Disrespect to Stephen Murphy and Cheaters Everywhere,

In Hank We Trust,

His Excellency,

Greg "More Roundhouse Kicks to the Face than Chuck Norris" Dunaway

Such ended my encounters with Elyse, as sadly, she never returned the favor of another response. I doubt she realized the error of her ways- some people are just too stubborn to remotely consider facts when they are consumed with emotion.

My Summer Job: Swooped Part Two

2006-07-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

Step into my shoes: Your "date" has turned into a threesome. There's an extra guy along and although it's not quite your fault, it's not really your counterparts either. So who pays?

In my case, fate intervened. Just as I was about to step into line next to Abby at the Mexican restaurant Justin came up and told me Tim was on the phone for me. I took the call, but watched through the window. Abby paid for herself. Strike one. Tim told me he was on the way down, he might skate a few laps, but he was going to leave with Justin. Sounded good to me.

As the three of us walked to the ice rink, I was in a better mood. I headed to my car to grab my skates while Abby and Justin headed in to the rink. As I walked up to the register I noticed that Justin's total was a little high. Like twenty-one dollars high. He had paid for Abby. Strike two. I headed down to throw on my skates, wondering how I had pissed off God so badly.

In a stroke of good luck, Abby needed help putting on her skates- something I was more than happy to help her out with. Skates on, ready to go, we headed out onto the ice. Now, ice skating, for someone who has never been on the ice- is tough. Which is why I was totally ready to grab for Abby as she stepped on next to me. I was stunned when she immediately started skating forward- ahead of me. I was shocked. She was skating fine, as if she'd been born on the ice. Pretty - check. Funny - check. Skates like a pro - check. I was sold.

Abby has a unique ability to relate to pretty much anyone. So when I whipped my head around and saw her talking and skating to a couple of young kids I wasn't surprised. I wasn't really offended either, it's hard to hold her attention. Not in an A.D.D. way, Abby is different. When's she's looking into your eyes, really holding your gaze, you are the most important thing in the world. But those times are few and far between. Often times, I've been in what I thought was mid-conversation with her, only to see her run over to a kid. It happens a lot. Was she giving me a hint? Was she really not that into me? Perhaps.

As the night went on the full fiasco took over. Abby did not really need lessons, so that avenue was out and Justin was more than happy to show her the ropes on any of the particulars. Tim eventually did show up and he did try to take Justin with him- it didn't work. He came up to me, told me he tried his best, shrugged his shoulders and took off. If Justin made one mistake- and let's be frank here, he was probably on cloud 9 at this point- this was it: he challenged me to a race. Now, I'm not in hockey shape, and I haven't been for a while. But I knew I could make it from end to end in six seconds and that was slow. Judging from how Justin was skating, I knew I had him. I even graciously declined his offer- the first time.

I beat him by a good two seconds, but it didn't matter. In the race that mattered he had me. He had charmed Abby on a date he didn't arrange, with a guy circling the whole time.

I'll never know how I came off that night. Maybe Abby appreciated my subdued approach to Justin's straightforward advances. As we left, I gave Abby a hug and halfheartedly asked if she wanted to go out again. Her quick response was "Sure," but "sure" was not the look she was giving me. With a last gleaming smile she took off in her red convertible and I wished to God things had gone differently.

As it turns out, first impressions might have killed me.

To be continued...

A Few Words With An Oscar Winner

2006-07-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

I had just gotten done lifting weights this evening and was chatting with a friend, when I noticed her eyes repeatedly drifting off in our conversation. I turned around and didn't see anything out of the ordinary- some guys shooting some hoops. She pointed at a short, black guy in a white New York Yankees cap.

"Isn't that Jamie Foxx?"

I turned around to look and I saw a guy, about 5'10" reasonably strong. His hat was low, but I looked hard enough to see it was indeed Jamie Foxx. One thing you'll notice is that most movie stars do not look "it" in person. Cameras can do wonders.

I thought "Cool" and turned back to my conversation. I'm not a person who is overwhelmed with a desire to get autographs/impress/annoy celebrities. He looked like he was having fun shooting around with a former coach of the Phoenix Suns and some other buddies. No need to bother him.

I said good bye to my friend and headed upstairs to ride the bike for a bit (I'm trying to whip my butt into shape, seeing as how I have to have my shirt off a lot for this Lifeguarding gig I landed) A half hour later Mr. Foxx was still shooting around, playing pickup and having a good time. He wasn't overwhelmingly talented or maybe he just wasn't trying- who knows. Nonetheless, I wrapped up my workout and started thinking- should I ask him something? Would I regret it if I didn't? I'm a film student- what should a film student ask? How much time would he give me? Would he ignore me?

I walked past where he was playing and stopped to watch for a second. The coach was putting him through a drill. He finished and walked towards a chair a few yards away from me. His rather large bodyguard sat next to him. He looked bored, so I figured "What the hell?" and walked up to him.

Greg: Mr. Foxx, can I ask you a quick question?
JF: Yeah man, sure.
Greg: I'm a film student and was curious- what's the difference between a good director and a bad director?
JF: A good director and a bad director?
Greg: Yeah.
JF: Nothing, man no difference.
Greg: Really?
JF: It's just different ways to tell a story. Every director has a different way to tell a story. Sometimes you get the right people, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you get critical acclaim, sometimes you don't. You just got to get out there and tell YOUR story. The world is there for the taking man. Just tell your story.

And with that I thanked him and headed out.

On the drive home I thought about what he had told me. I think objectively, there are BAD directors. I've worked with people who I think legitimately are untalented directors. Some are nice, some are not, but they lack the talent to lead, to share their vision. Was he being coy with me? Doubtful. I think after a certain time in the business, you just come to accept that people with talent sometimes aren't going to get work. Sometimes idiots get lots of money to make stupid movies. But through it all, it is THEIR movie. It is THEIR story.

And telling stories is really what Hollywood is all about. From an Oscar winner to a film student.

My Summer Job: Swooped

2006-06-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

My mother tells me my standards are too high. My friends tell me mine are too low.

As far as women go, Casanova I am not. For better or for worse about every 3 months I meet a girl who I determine is the girl for me. In between and after, I'm pretty much a party boy. I have zero control over it. There is zero pattern. I wish I could figure out exactly what I'm drawn to about each of these girls- but there is no real common trait other than their innate ability to hold my interest.

Enter Abby. Abby is the girl everyone has their eye on. Cute, funny, witty- if you have a free moment you want to be around her. It so happens that I spent my first two weeks as a camp counselor with her- at first shadowing and then I became her "Co" or specific co-counselor.

Abby and I got along well. Feeling eachother out, our banter was at first light, but once we realized we shared the same screwed up sense of humor- things clicked. Being a pretty straightforward guy, I figured I'd ask her to go out with me. So, after a day ushering around kids, I did- dinner and ice skating. She said yes. Not a super enthusiastic yes, but a yes nonetheless. I'm terrible at reading women, so maybe on the inside she was jumping for joy, but I took it for what it was: not a no.

Then things started to get complicated. Enter Justin. Justin and I had gotten along really well at camp. We both shared a general cynical sense of humor about the job (even though we both liked it) and we had some common background. One of these shared backgrounds was hockey and it just so happened that when I was talking with Abby about skating he happened to overhear. Now I'll never know how much of the conversation he heard, (although judging from what has happened since, I'd guess alot) but it was enough for him to assume that this was more a work get together and less a date. Now being a total idiot, I didn't have the sense to tell him off- he was a nice guy, I didn't want to seem like a jerk.

So the night of our date arrived, I hadn't heard from Justin. That is until I pulled into the parking lot of the ice rink, where immediately my phone rang. I saw the number and cursed. A lot. I picked it up, Justin was on the line, on his way down, excited to be skating. I was fuming. In my head I was screaming "TELL HIM OFF YOU MORON" but I couldn't. So my date became a threesome, with another guy. To say I was not happy might be the understatement of the century.

The three of us walked over to my favorite Mexican dive restaurant and for a moment I thought I might be saved from a very unlikely source. As soon as we were done eating and Justin was done regaling us with stories of his mansion on a mountain, my good buddy Tim called Justin. Tim had the tact to explain to Justin what was going on and plan of sorts was hatched. Tim would come down and meet Justin and the two of them would take off together to go plan a party for later that evening. So as we left the mexican restaurant I was reasonably optimistic I could take the date from wreck to passable. As it turned out it went from wreck to just above catastrophic proportions.

To be continued...

My Summer Job: "Child Opposition Disorder"

2006-06-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

"Joey" is a small kid. Not tiny, but definitely small for his age. So my initial thought when he started hitting other kids in our group of 6 and 7 year olds, was that he was getting picked on for being small. I was wrong. Joey was going out of his way to hit kids, make them mad and then coming crying to me when they hit back. Usually, I ignore this sort of crap- boys will be boys and such.

My co-counselors (in my group) have all been much nicer than me. This may be because they are all female, who knows. In an altercation, they might spend a minute or two sorting it out, asking about people feel etc. In that same time span, I might tell a kid "Then don't sit next to him." And point my finger angrily in the direction of the rest of the group. I've come to realize, that, in general, parents at this camp suck. I'm not going to coddle little Timmy because he got kicked in a soccer drill. Suck it up, toughen up and get your butt back in the game. However, back to Joey.

It is camp policy to keep parent's informed of their child's behavior- the good and the bad. It's a good idea and also covers our asses in case kids start rambling about the evil counselors and their time out corner. So, while I was off moving water cooloers, my poor co-counselor was left to talk to a mildly psychotic parent. Joey's mom apparently turned a bit hostile, asserting that her son "went to a rigid Catholic school" and that this was "his time to go a bit wild." Yeah, that's all good and well lady, but when your son decks a kid in the face it is a little beyond "wild."

The next encounter with Joey's parental unit I was privy to. His dad came to pick him up and immediately asked to speak with me and my co-counselor. The conversation went a little like this:

Dad: Well, what's the issue?
Greg: This week Chris has had a lot of issues listening and getting along with the other kids.
Dad: He's a good kid. My wife talked to you already, he's a good kid.
Greg: I know, it's just our policy to let you know when we are having problems. We want to communicate with you.
Dad: Joey also has a condition. You're aware of ADD?
Greg: (I happen to think ADD is nothing a ruler to the head can't cure but whatever) Yessir.
Dad: Well Joey has a condition where he doesn't like to follow rules. It's called Child Opposition Disorder.
Greg: (silence)
Dad: They do the opposite of what the rule is.
Greg: Oh.

The conversation pretty much ended here. I stood in stunned disbelief. A condition where the child doesn't want to follow rules? Umm... I think I've heard of that... HOW ABOUT BEING A KID? How typical for some crock doctor to make a disorder up for crappy parenting. Next they'll be a miracle drug to cure this "disorder."

Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of my interaction with Joey is that my tough love is actually paying off. Towards the end of the week he was showing signs of improvement. Sadly, it was his last week.

Introduction: My Summer Job

2006-06-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

About a month ago a friend asked me what exactly I would be doing this summer. What I should have said was "Getting an internship at a film studio." Instead I mumbled the truth "I have no idea." So, he proposed an idea: Work at a kid's sports camp. Barring an act of God, I realized I would never get a job, much less one I might actually enjoy. So, I showed for a relaxed interview with the Camp Director and was hired on the spot. I had no idea what I was in for.

The first of many surprises was figuring out just how damn old I was. At 20, I'm one of the oldest counselors. This sucks. When a 17 year old says he's only doing this job because he's in high school and doesn't have any responsibility, you can only imagine the voice in my head "Uh.. aren't you in college?" Furthermore, another justification I used for taking this job, meeting girls, was shot to hell the first day. There are a few attractive girls around my age and by "a few" I mean the following:

"Michelle" Sophomore in college, has a boyfriend
"Jamie" Junior in college, recently moved in with boyfriend
"Becky" Freshman in college, rumored to be Mormon

That about sums it up. The rest are in the 16-17 range and frankly, not on my radar in the slightest.

So, girls out of the picture I was still stoked on the job. Until I was informed, as part of my job "training" I would be taking Lifeguard training or as I now refer to it: the sixth circle of hell. To all of you swimmers out there who are now smirking, allow me to remind you of the following facts: 1. I hate swimming 2. I'm in college.

These two facts are indicative of both my lack of enthusiasm for swimming 500 meters a day and my utter lack of fitness to be even able to attempt such a feat. Much less diving to the bottom of a 10 foot dive tank, rescue a paralyzed victim, perform a spinal hold, swim him to the surface, strap him to a board and perform CPR. This was not in the job description. The job description as it was loosely described to me was "You play with kids all day, umm... that's about it."

I'm more than a week into my lifeguard training and 3 days into camp and already the above description is completely inadequate. In the next few weeks you'll meet a camper who routinely pretends to be a jail inmate, my Lifeguard instructor who may want to see me drown, and of course witness me attempt to handle being a lifeguard, swim instructor and role model to about 300 kids a week.

If nothing else, it'll be interesting.

Things I Learned This Weekend

2006-04-23T23:49:00.000-07:00

I've spent a good two or three weeks planning my fraternity's annual trip to Mexico. It is basically a 72 hour party- in Friday out Sunday. Bars, dancing, beach- the college trip you see in the movies. What you don't see in the movies is the guy in the back of the bus wondering if he left someone behind (he did). Or the guy frantically faxing Mexico two days before the trip to get a waiver signed. (Note to self: faxes suck ass).

Above: Man in Gorilla Suit at Bar. I think it's appropriate.

On the plus side, I gave myself a nice room, a suite with an ocean view and had an absolute blast. To get to my point (I thought I had one), I learned the following in Mexico:

1. Mexican police will tazer you.
2. Mexican police will arrest you. They will not give a reason. They will loudly demand money or you will get thrown in jail.
3. Eating Mexican food for three days straight is not good for your stomach. This would seem like common sense to the average sober person, however, when you are roaming the streets at three in the morning, a taco looks pretty good.
4. I'm an asshole. I learned this from a few people who weren't happy with various things. Luckily for me my attention was more devoted to my Long Island Ice Tea than the guy who wanted a room change.
5. Bring a self sufficient date. I lucked out here, my date was smart and independent. I did not think twice when we got seperated. Other guys were not so lucky. A few dealt with some sick girls all night- not how I want to spend my time in Mexico.
6. Never plan an event like this again. Next year my successor is in charge. Good luck to him.

"Racist and Bigot" - The Battle Over Political Correctness On A College Campus

2006-02-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

Last Friday in the Loyolan I wrote a guest piece arguing against the establishment of a special section of LMU's student government with the sole responsibility of promoting diversity through "diversity training" and "education." The article that ran can be found here. The article speaks well enough to my position on the issue- what perhaps is more interesting is the long road the article took to publication. To do that, we need to rewind all the way back to February 7.

This piece ran with a brief mention of me addressing the Student Body Senate. The speech (the full text can be found here) was one of only two opposing voices to the amendment that was being considered. My speech was blunt, to the point and spared no one. I did not realize it at the time, but sitting next to me for the duration of my speech was the Editor In Chief of the Loyolan. As I was leaving she indicated that she would be in touch with me. She was as good as her word and requested via email that I provide her with a hard copy of my speech. I agreed, provided that she would tell me ahead of time what quotes she was planning on using (it would have been very easy to take selections of my speech out of context). She agreed, shared with me what she was using and I found the article she wrote to be very fair. I thought that was the end of it.

I found out later, after I had left the Senate meeting, a prominent member of the organization on campus trying to pass the legislation had called me a "racist and bigot." Hurtful, but not a huge deal- I frankly could care less what people think about me, which is perhaps why I had little or no hesitation in addressing the Senate in the first place. It is worth mentioning, however, because an opportunity presented itself later that week. The Editor of the Loyolan offered me the chance to write an opinion piece about the diversity issue. Having just been labeled a racist, I jumped at the chance to defend myself.

I spent a lot of time on the article, blending humor and points about the absurdity of requiring "Diversity training" for student body members. I submitted my article to her, which clocked in at about 1,100 words and said exactly what I wanted to say. (The full text of the first draft can be found here)

Figuring my work was done I sat back and relaxed- the article had taken the better part of three hours to polish off. However, late that evening I received an email from the Editor. In the email she told me that she and her Opinion Editor had decided that parts of my article were offensive and that they would not run it. Instead she attached a "revision" and I use that word loosely, because what the two of them had done was cut out about 500 words (just about half) of my article. (You can see how they wanted the article to run here) I was not pleased.

As I said in my response to her, "If your opinion editor has a specific issue with some of my facts or some of the claims I'm making, please let me know. But if you want to just flat out cut things that "might" piss people off- I'm not going to attach my name to it." And I was true to my word, that version did not run.

However, I did compromise. For better or for worse I went back to my article and cut out some of the things they found most offensive. In hindsight, I regret this. Some of my more biting commentary should have stayed in. I particularly regret letting go of my comments directed at the leaders of the local diversity group on campus. They should have been called out by someone for their shameless plug of Stephen Murphy's campaign. Hindsight is 20/20, but at the time it seemed like a reasonable course of action. Of course, I still wanted to defend myself to their blanket assessment of my article as "offensive" so in the course of my re-edit, I dropped little comments pointing out the absurdity of their edits. (You can read the re-edit, complete with my comments, here)

To their credit, the two Editors realized that there are not too many people who are willing to say the things that I was saying and agreed with me that the compromise was a fair edit. My article ran on time. Next to mine ran an opposing piece supporting the diversity initiative. A few things I noted at the time in an email to the Editor: in the opposing piece the author "label[ed] me "ignorant" "less informed" and a white supremacist among other fun and nice adjectives. I'm not really upset- I figured people would be calling me names, just not with your stamp of approval. I addressed the issue at hand, he simply used fancy words to label me a bigot." (His article can be read here- although be forewarned I still haven't figured out what he is talking about)

I found this wholly ironic, seeing as how my article was blanketedly labeled "racist" and "offensive" and not once did I start name-calling.

So it seems my journey should be over. A few weeks have passed and I'm still ruminating over whether or not I will try to write for the Loyolan again. This past Wednesday I happened to glance at the Loyolan to see if I had garnered any hatemail (I have not... yet) However, what I did see was something so pitch perfect to conclude this chronicle, I am still reeling from the irony. Thanks for reading.

Taken from the "Board Editorial, the voice of the Loyolan":

"Using the First Amendment as our guide, the Loyolan will not censor articles based on our personal beliefs and ideologies. After all, if we censored ideas simply because we thought they might anger, or possibly offend, we would not be giving all opinions an equal opportunity to be expressed.

It is not the job of the Loyolan to shelter its readers from views that might be considered offensive or controversial. Writers are given the freedom to speak their opinions, and readers are given the opportunity to form their own opinions, having been presented with an unambiguous, unfiltered and uncensored publication."

Production Life

2006-01-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, but I'm finally gearing up for a few productions that I'll be detailing here:

The first is a 4 or 5 minute short I'll be writing and directing, sans sound. Should be interesting, I've never shot without sound. A few people have asked what it's about. I'm kicking around a few ideas, but the one that appeals the most to me is a thriller/horror idea that was inspired by Hostel, a movie I didn't really enjoy.

The second is a more "real" Hollywood production shooting in and around L.A. headed up by a friend of mine, Kit Lubold. Kit, a recent graduate of LMU's Film School, heads up his own entertainment company, Far Beyond Tomorrow Entertainment and I've been waiting for a chance to work with him.

The last production is something I'll be spearheading. It's too big an idea to be open about here, suffice to say if it goes through you'll be hearing PLENTY about it.

Life in L.A. goes on, I keep busy by planning fraternity social events, which is both time consuming and rewarding.

If you haven't had a chance to see Paradise Now, the Golden Globe winning foreign film from Palestine, I suggest you make time. I had the opportunity to see the movie with the director and it is a spectacular look at the tensions between Israel and Palestine. Told through the eyes of a suicide bomber, this film is deserving of every accolade it has received.

More as I head out into the production world...

Fun With Judicial Affairs

2005-12-05T21:10:00.000-08:00

I'm a strong believer that stupid policy encourages stupid behavior. Enter college and the wonderful office of Judicial Affairs. Judicial Affairs sole goal is to enforce ridiculous rules and issue ridiculous sanctions on offenders. Many schools, I'm particularly thinking of Notre Dame and Stanford, have come to terms with the fact that, while in college, students are going to drink alcohol. There's no two ways about it. Whether it's a larger social issue or whatever, the stigma with alcohol exists in college. However, that's a discussion for another time.

That being said, a friend of mine was recently "written up" by an Resident Advisor for "violating alcohol policy." This particular case pissed me off for a number of reasons- the first being that the guy who wrote us up was a friend of mine. Another was that the Judicial Affairs officer only sanctioned my buddy out of the 20 or so people who were in the room.

One of my buddy's punishments was to write a letter home to his parents explaining the situation. If you think Greg spotted a wonderful opportunity for satire, you're right. Here is the letter that I submitted on his behalf, COMPLETELY UN-EDITED, never expecting it to actually be approved. The beauty of it is, that Judicial Affairs, after reviewing it, actually sent it to his parents. Ah, the beauty of bureaucracy.

Enjoy.

November 30, 2005

Dear Mom and Dad,

Today is a sad day for the Howard family. I have let you down in the worst possible way. Please, prepare yourself. This could be devastating, shocking and frankly, unbelievable. Ready? The University thinks I drink beer.

Please allow for a few moments for this to settle in.

Two RAs, on a double secret mission, came to my room and knocked one fateful evening. Although people (most likely irresponsible frat boys like Greg Dunaway), were drinking, I was not. However, since I was in the presence of a controlled substance like beer, I am guilty by association. In the days that followed I went to a lengthy hearing headed by Supreme Judicial Officer, Juan Valles. Juan searched in vain for a way to vindicate me, but in the end held me responsible. I felt betrayed. Juan and I were hombres. Some called us brotheros, which is Spanish for brothers.

The days that followed are now a blur to me. I walked from class to class, but I was dead inside. Suddenly, I understood what had to happen. God have given me one last chance. After praying the rosary and expressing myself through liturgical dancing, I wrote an appeal letter. The Student Appeals Committee was the last beacon of hope, in what had become a stormy sea of lies, deception and beer. So I wrote that letter and waited. And I waited some more.

And at last it came. The Student Conduct Committee left me out to dry like laundry in the Middle Ages. They assigned me the following, very serious and very important sanctions:

1. I have been issued an Official University Warning, telling me how bad I am.

2. I have to pay a 50 dollar fine, because, frankly, forty thousand dollars a year just doesn’t cut it.

3. I have been assigned to the Heads UP Judicial program, where I will spend time discussing the problem of drinking during college.

4. Lastly, I have been assigned to write a very serious letter to you, Madeleine and John, telling you what a bad person I am.

I realize you may in fact be crying with tears of shame. I beg of you, continue, we only have a few more lines. Together we can get through this.

To summarize, I want to express how bad of a person I really I am. Drinking is a very, very, very serious issue. It is serious enough for the University to issue sanctions like nobody’s business and serious enough for me to write to you today. May God Bless LMU and the

United States

and have mercy on my soul.

John Michael Howard, PhD, CoOl, GuY

More About The Loyolan

2005-11-30T23:00:00.000-08:00

The local student run newspaper, The Loyolan, never seems to get it right. The vast majority of the writing, in my estimation, is extremely mediocre, the articles dull and the editorial staff simply annoying. The latter issue is more and more grinding on my nerves. It's clear to me that the Editor of the newspaper, Stephen Murphy, is intent on running whatever article will stir up the student body into a fervor, no matter how stupid or inane the content. This attitude was what I first satirized when I joined the humor section of the paper. I should have known better.

My article was ignored. The first excuse I was given by my Editor was that he might "get in trouble" for running a fake news piece, which is an utter lie. IF IT IS FILED UNDER THE HUMOR SECTION (OFTEN TIMES IN A SEPERATE INSERT) PERHAPS PEOPLE MIGHT GET THE MEMO.

Of course the real reason I got the axe was that my article critiqued how the newspaper was run. Nonetheless I continued to write.

My next article dealt with the uproar surrounding LMU students who throw parties off campus. God forbid.

Anyway, I'll continue to write and continue to submit articles to my Editor who will most likely continue to ignore me. And once he ignores me I'll post them here. Who knows by the end of the year maybe I'll have enough articles to create my own insert.

Enjoy.

WESTCHESTER RESIDENTS SHOCKED TO DISCOVER UNIVERSITY

Westchester, CA- In the Westchester community residents were up in arms over the recent revelation that a university, Loyola Marymount, had been hiding for over 75 years. Allegations came to light recently when Westchester residents expressed concerns that 18-24 year old residents seemed to be partying on weekends. Noting that this behavior was indicative of a college community, local Westchester leaders took up the charge to search and discover any college that might be in hiding.

One fictional resident, who shall remain anonymous said, "You know, I've had my suspicions over the years that a University might exist around these parts. It really became obvious when I started seeing these kids in sweatshirts with the letters LMU on them. I thought at first it might be some rival gang from Inglewood, but with all the partying, I put two and two together."

Other residents expressed shock and anger with the revelation of the University's existence. Another anonymous fictional resident said, "I think we need to start endlessly complaining about this. There is no reason a University should exist in the Westchester area, absolutely no good can come of it- plus, I mean, we were here first." Others agreed. "Had I known that a University was stealthily hiding in Westchester I never would have moved here."

No comment was given by the University, nor any explanation as to why the residents seemed clueless as to its existence.

The Step Outline

2005-11-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

In filmmaking ideas rarely go straight from idea to screen. There is a very precise process that filmmakers and screenwriters go through to make sure the movie they have in mind is the movie they end up shooting. One of these processes is the step outline, which is basically a sort of narrative summation of the script. It's most akin to reading the back of a paperback before you buy it.

There are a lot of advantages to putting in the time and effort of a step outline. Firstly, it's a hell of a lot easier to write your script afterwards. Having everything in order and sketched out makes focusing in on the details of the screenplay that much easier. Secondly, if someone in the business wants a detailed summary and you haven't prepared a treatment- the step outline is the way to go. Lastly, a step outline details the twists and strengths of every scene so you lose unnecessary scenes that aren't moving the story forward.

Here's a scene from my step outline, followed by how it played out in the first draft of my script.

1. Susan’s Frustration

Susan sits on the phone in her posh looking office, speaking loudly about how she doesn’t care if the Chargers are headed to the Superbowl. She reminds the person on the phone that if they care about the brother’s well being he will be there. She hangs up and smiles pleasantly and addresses the camera, saying that organizing an intervention for her two brothers is worse than setting up for a multi-million dollar stock broker convention. She says she is happy that the therapists are filming the intervention and hopes the brothers will use the videotape as a constant reminder—but then she is interrupted as her phone rings. It’s her mother. Susan looks annoyed as once again she is headed for an argument. Her mother doesn’t think her sons have a problem. Exasperated, Susan says that if she won’t attend voluntarily that she will come to the house force her into the car.

Putting the phone down, she again looks at the camera. We see her notepad of names that she glances at. On it are many names each with a line drawn through them, except for Rob and Mike. She picks up the phone and dials. With a bit of a smirk she says hello to her brother Rob and tells him there is a wine tasting being put on by the local Irish pub downtown. Susan says that she has already put their names down and will see the two of them, this Saturday at 11. Angrily she informs him that no, they won’t need to bring any of their own collector’s wine for comparison purposes. She recovers and tells him to be there with Mike at 11 sharp.

Twist:
Scene’s central conflict: Susan needs to get the intervention organized
Scene’s strong points: Background/set-up/character introduction, humor of tightly wound sister vs. laid back family

Note the conflict and strong points that I mentioned above. In the script version it was constant guide for what I needed to say vs. what I wanted to say. And now the script version (film nerds- not correct margins):

INT. SUSAN’S OFFICE - DAY
SUSAN, a 40 year old executive, sits at her desk on the phone. Her posh office is sleek, modern and clean. Her dress is reflective of her position, a dark expensive suit. She looks annoyed as she continues her conversation.

SUSAN
I don’t care if the Chargers might go to the Superbowl- you are going to be there... If you care about Rob and Mike you’ll be there and you’ll be there sober and not hung over Billy. I’ll see you Saturday. Leave your cooler-

But Billy has hung up. She looks up and folds her hands.

SUSAN
Planning this has been harder than the CEO convention I worked on last week. I’m glad the two of you are here to document this from beginning to end. Rob and Mike need to understand the sacrifices everyone is making for them.

Her train of thought is interrupted as the phone rings again.

SUSAN
Hello mother... Mother, we’ve been through this the boys DO have a problem. Mom, your car isn’t broken... I swear I will throw you in my car... Fine, I’ll see you Saturday. Good bye.

Susan regains her composure and smiles.

SUSAN
Only two more left.

On Susan’s desk is a notepad with a list of names. All the names have a line through them except for two: Rob and Mike. She picks up her phone and dials.

SUSAN
Hey Mike. Did you get my email about the wine tasting? Good, so you and Mike will be there? Excellent, you have the instructions? Make sure and be there on time. No, don’t bring any wine of your own. I don’t care if you want to compare tastes. Be there on time. I’ll see you Saturday.

She hangs up and sinks into her leather chair.

SUSAN
Well, that’s everyone. This should go perfectly.

The 40 Minute Essay

2005-11-02T17:45:00.000-08:00

Last week I was overloaded with essays. I had a 7 page Screenwriting treatment to work on (more on this in the next update), a huge Asian History paper, a music assignment and finally a philosophy paper. One of them was going to have to get the shaft in terms of my attention. I chose philosophy- not because I don't enjoy the class, but because I am well versed in philosophy and figured I could cook up a reasonable 4 page essay in a short period of time.

In between classes I dove into my room and in 40 minutes I had typed what I thought was a pretty damn good essay.

I was wrong.

My professor laid into me harder than some of the biggest hits I've taken in hockey. I'll quote a few of the better items.

In reference to a lengthy discussion I misattributed to Socrates.

"NO!!! THIS IS THE WRONG ANALOGY."

In frustration with one of my later claims that I also misattributed to Socrates he simply put a huge X through half of one page.

Later he emphasized how stupid I was:

"BUT this is NOT [the right] argument!!"

At the end of the paper he re-emphasized what a piss-poor job I had done:

"3 big problems here: You have not really made [any] point.

You have mistakenly included the wrong argument... and failed to work out the [right] argument.

Your arguments do not [answer the question of the paper]."

In short, I got rocked and deservedly so- my paper sucked.

(Note: this is dangerously close to the sort of blog posting I hate about people's personal lives- I realize this. However, I'm in the midst of working on a screenplay, which I will detail late and honestly thought my professor's comments were humorous. - Greg)

ADG and Greek Week

2005-10-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

Each year LMU has a "Greek Week" where each fraternity and sorority competes for points to become the Greek Week Champion. There are different categories like football, volleyball, a scholar quiz, a few speakers to attend and a huge sort of dance competition at the end called Lip Synch.

As a first-time Greek it was quite interesting to see how the other sororities and fraternities handled the week. Most spent inordinate amounts of time practicing. They constantly were going to or from Lip Synch practice or football practice or any number of other items. The sense of importance that Greek Week took on was to the point of ridiculous. It was if there was no other reason to exist except to win Greek Week.

For my part, I played a little football, practiced for about 40 minutes for our Lip Synch (in 40 minutes of practice, we still were funnier than everyone else) and I went to one speaker who told us that alcohol was bad. Good times. Without practicing one bit, our fraternity finished fourth in football, did decently in the scholar quiz (second or third I don't remember), and took first in volleyball.

Overall, my fraternity (Alpha Delta Gamma) finished fourth in Greek Week. Other fraternities were devastated with placing third or second. ADG is going to have a keg party on Friday to celebrate how well our Lip Synch went. I think this has to do with our general attitude. Some people just don't "get" ADG. I'll digress for a bit.

No one who knew me thought I was going to join a fraternity. I even had a prejudice against fraternities in general (I still possess this prejudice, but now it's directed at other fraternities). That was until I met the guys of ADG. Other fraternities claim to be "diverse" in some weird racial sense of the word, but there is not a different more rag-tag group of men than in ADG. We have some of the smartest people on the campus and we have a guy who drinks a 12 pack of Budweiser before dinner. Yet there is an underlying connection between each and every one of us and it is NOT the letters we wear. It's much deeper. Anyone, anywhere can get letters- hell some of the Greeks on this campus hand them out. We possess a mutual respect and admiration for eachother that unites us completely. This acknowledgement completely distances us from other Greeks on this campus. We could care less about our "appearance" or our "reputation" with LMU's administration.

We don't advertise our philanthropy. We roll up our sleeves and serve the homeless. (Among other things) We don't need to make a t-shirt about it.

We know each and every brother intimately. This is why our pledge process is so vital- by a brother are you known. The converse of this is that not everyone can make the commitment ADG requires. Some prefer to take the easier road.

To get back to the subject of Greek Week- I'd rather spend a few hours sipping a beer with my brothers at Holy Cross than few days with a dance choreographer. Our goal with Lip Synch was simple: try to make people laugh and have a good time. If they get it, great.

I bring this up because Greek Week is a microcosm of the mystique that we seem to possess on this campus. We've been here since 1951, longer than any other Greeks and yet people just can't get a handle on us. It's the reason we've been here so long and the reason we'll be here when I have kids.

And they probably won't have us figured out by then either.

Perhaps it's best that they don't.

Not Good Enough For the Loyolan

2005-10-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

Having been an editor for a long time during high school of Brophy's Roundup, I understand having to pick and choose articles. However, I'm a little surprised that the following satirical article I submitted wasn't run. Perhaps people at LMU aren't smart enough to "get it," or maybe satire is just a no-no in a SATIRICAL section. Or perhaps it just isn't funny.

Anyway, to preface this- the Loyolan had just run an expose on how the the local student body had technically not adhered to it's voting rules. Most people just plain didn't care, but the Loyolan made it out to be the Second Coming of Christ. Hence, a wonderful opportunity for Greg's humor. Enjoy.

ASLMU Screws Up Again

By Greg Dunaway

This reporter has discovered serious allegations that continue to undermine Stephen Yoss's supposed "administration." Last week the Loyolan exclusively revealed that over six months ago, a typo in the Constitution may have illegitimately put Stephen Yoss and Ginelle Howard over the top, had it been discovered six months ago. Now, I can exclusively reveal information that may even further sink the oppressive ship that Stephen Yoss is forcibly sailing into the iceberg of democracy.

According to sources deep within the evil heart of the Yoss administration "The President" was late to an accounting class by over 4 whole minutes. Now, Yoss's minions may claim that he was at a supposed meeting with a supposed school official, but we know better. He was probably trying to fix more election results or kick babies or something along those lines. His Vice President Ginelle Howard (also evil) predictably had no comment on my allegations (probably because I didn't call her) and is now hiding in her office.

It's time that we the students have an uprising. We're tired of this so-called democracy where the people with the most votes win. I say we institute an electoral college where really important people's votes count for more. That's fair. Or even better The Loyolan could just decide through a committee of Editors.

Stephen M. Yoss, I'm tired of your tireless campaign to undermine democracy and bring about the apocalypse. The apocalypse is the last thing we need because it would severely put into question my ability to write my next column about how Ginelle Howard was seen talking on a cell phone to someone who may or not be a terrorist. But that's for next time…

Screenwriting 101

2005-09-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

So what exactly do film majors study? Curious? What follows is some work I did for my screenwriting class.

The assignment: Create a non-dialogue scene with a character trying to achieve an objective. It's tougher than it sounds- learning the language of film is not always an easy transition- although I think I've gotten a handle on it. Enjoy.

INT. PRISON CELL

A PRISONER, is crouched in a corner of a dark, damp cell. Gleaming metal bars stand between him and never ending darkness. What sounds like mice scrounging for food is actually the prisoner frantically trying to expand the hole he has made in the cell’s brick wall. He has one metal KNIFE and one FORK. Footsteps echo in the dark. The prisoner stops. The footsteps draw closer. The prisoner tries to pierce the darkness with his eyes to no avail. The footsteps linger for a moment and then retreat back down the hall. The prisoner returns to his work.

He jabs with increasing anger at the brick. One of his hands is bleeding. One of the bricks seems to be coming loose. The prisoner’s eyes gleam with success. He thrusts his fork at the brick once more. SNAP. Too hard. The fork breaks in half. The prisoner looks as if he could kill someone. He lets out a roar and punches the brick. The brick flies out and lets in a stream of daylight. He looks around scared- did his outburst signal the guards?

No sign of anyone. He looks at his broken fork and knife shimmering in the gleam of light. His scarred, bleeding hand carefully reaches out for the knife. He snatches it and begins earnestly, but carefully working on the next brick. This brick comes out with relative ease. The prisoner’s hands begin to shake with excitement. He starts on the third brick. It too wants to come out easily, but then more FOOTSTEPS. He freezes. There’s too much light in the cell. He hastily begins picking up bricks, but the FOOTSTEPS are too close. He pauses, breathes heavily. He raises his eyebrows and moves quickly. He positions his body against the hole in the cell.

The FOOTSTEPS are now just outside. They stop. CLUNK, CLUNK. Silence. CLUNK, CLUNK. The prisoner is sweating bullets. A rat scurries close to his hands. CLUNK, CLUNK. The rat begins to nibble on the prisoner’s fingers. The FOOTSTEPS finally move away. The prisoner swats the rat against a wall and it scurries away.

The prisoner returns to work, four bricks now lay on the ground. He shimmies out a fifth with his crude, now nearly dull knife. The prisoner lays flat and tries to squeeze through his hole. So close, he needs one more brick. He grabs his knife and begins jamming into it like a murderer finishing the job. CLUNK. It falls to the ground. The prisoner lays down and on his elbows pushes himself through the hole.

EXT. PRISON FIELD - DAY

The prisoner wastes no time in quickly moving through a lush field to distance himself from the imposing brick wall that lies behind him. He reaches a dense forest and pauses. He hears footsteps, but of a different sort. Softer, shorter. He sits down. A GIRL, no more than 11 or 12 is walking in the forest, humming a little tune. She doesn’t see him through the trees.

The prisoner’s face takes on a totally different visage. He smiles in a frightening way. Licks his lips. He stands up and begins walking towards the girl.

The girl stops, and turns around. She screams as he walks faster and faster towards her. She begins to run, but it’s useless. The prisoner reaches out to grab her-

BANG!

In a cloud of blood the prisoner’s head explodes. The girl screams and then begins running. She runs headfirst into a prisoner guard who swoops her into his arms. The guard smiles and tries to calm her. The body of the prisoner remains motionless as the guard walks by, CLUNK, CLUNK, CLUNK.

MTV: Wrap-Up

2005-09-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

The last three days of the shoot can be wrapped up in a single post-I'm ready to write on other things and I'm sure you're ready to read something new. However, I'll try my best to go over all the main points.

Day Four

This was the last day at Washington High. We started with some shots of the guys spinning tires with the camera angle low shooting up into their faces (this was not alot of fun in the 115 degree heat). The crew used their rental car to put up on blocks to substitute for the Dean's car. These shots took a while, but also lended to some creativity. In between takes we hopped on the golf cart provided by the school and improvised a rail shot. We held the camera on the cart as the guys walked "Reservoir Dogs" style towards the camera. It looked pretty cool (as far as a bunch of teenagers walking can look "cool").

We moved inside for the latter part of the day. They were basically classroom scenes of the Dean coming over the loudspeaker announcing that the "Seniors ruled." This more or less did happen. It was the lone thing the Dean actually did that we had asked of him. We filmed this announcement and the ensuing celebration (didn't happen) that included Mike Ransom jumping on a desk and ripping off his shirt.

Also during this scene an extra tried to tell me, Mike Ransom and Anthony Chavez (all pretty big kids) that swimming was a more physical sport than football, hockey and rugby combined. This was a kid who a day or two earlier had stopped filming because his sunglasses had gotten moved. This earned him the nickname "Hollywood." So I already hated Hollywood, and here he was telling me and my friends that because he was a swimmer he could kick my ass. As you can imagine this did not go over well with us. Words got so heated that Ryan had to step in. He later told Chavez and I that he was hoping that the kid took a swing at us so we could kick his ass. Hollywood won't ever be in Hollywood, that much I'm sure of.

We wrapped with me getting a crew shirt from Joelle (she took off early with some more footage to bring back to New York). John Howard and I spent the last few minutes of daylight as extras walking around Chavez as we walked into the Dean's office.

Day Five

Day Five was mostly spent in and around a garage. This was supposed to be the "Planning" stage where the guys are all working on a car and magically come up with the plan. I got a lot of time to work with lights now that we weren't in such a time pressure crunch. Each setup took a lot of time to get right. We didn't want lights reflecting off of the car. But on the other hand the car created a lot of shadows that masked people's expressions and since this was one of the few scenes with important dialogue we needed to see faces.

Other times little things that didn't seem all that important to me (for instance the placement of a rug) took a few different time to get right.

The day did move quickly as the heat was not as unbearable as days past due to some rain. We did some other pick up shots of various students carrying equipment and wrapped almost on time.

Day Six

The last day we worked was basically divided into two half days. The first half day we spent shooting in and around TG's house. We got some shots of TG and a few other guys driving cars as well. This was interesting because Steve was running behind schedule and Ryan kept pushing to get to the thrust of the day. The car shots were unplanned. Biz also took the time to get some nice shots of Phoenix off of Camelback Mountain during the car shots. It's a breathtaking view that will probably add a nice touch if they are used.

The second half of the day we spent around Brophy. We shot all exteriors since the school was so uncooperative. What exactly their problem was being associated with this show I'll never understand. MTV was willing to pay them per day over a thousand dollars. But I digress. I directed foot traffic around the cameras, which was a chore since a school down the road had just gotten out. I enjoyed messing around with Steve and Biz and talking about some funny Brophy stories.

But all good things must come to an end. When Steve finally decided they had all that they needed they loaded up the car and we had to say our good-byes. For all it's problems the entertainment industry is a really wonderful business. Each project develops relationships and brings people together more like a family than most people probably realize. I hadn't mentioned it, but Chavez came down for the last day of shooting just to hang out. The relationships that were forged with Steve, Ryan, Biz and Keith in five days can take months or even years in other settings.

And all in all relationships are all that really matters in life.

I hope you've enjoyed reading this little saga. I'll get back to more regular posting soon.

MTV Day 3: Human Jousting, A God-Awful In N' Out Experience, and Mike Ransom

2005-08-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

This is part 3 of my ongoing series about working with MTV for their show "High School Stories."

Since MTV wasn't paying me to get up early, I decided to avoid the 9:00 call for for the principal actors to be on-set. I strolled on set around 11 (the call for extras) and greeted the crew who were setting up a Jackass like shot in which Nick Lish sat in a shopping cart, Harry, Chavez, TG and to a lesser extent Pat (who ran along side the cart and nearly killed himself by running into a poll) pushed him down a hallway, nearly hitting extras as they scrambled past.

They did this set up a few times, Biz threw me in the shot and Steve predictably kicked me out, which is ironic in a sense because I got more screentime later in the day than the rest of the extras. My lone contribution to the overall story of the segment came, as we were in between shots and I suggested to Steve that he might film some "human jousting" if he got the chance. As is usual when the words "human" and "jousting" are combined, you are compelled to ask "What the hell is that?"

Human jousting involved our group of friends grabbing someone, hoisting them horizontally and running them into another group of friends who had their own man ready to charge. Chaos inevitably ensued. It was also damn funny to watch and be a part of. So Steve immediately liked this idea. I set up one side while Chavez readied the other. Of course it just so happened that the actor who was playing our principal arrived on set at the exact moment we were supposed to start filming, so "Craig" was once again kicked out of the shot to go fetch the actor.

I came back, saw a few takes. This is a good opportunity to talk about what a professional Biz was. Steve and Ryan had covered the action from the usual places (wide shot, close up). Steve yells "I think we got it." Biz stops him, he's got an idea. He has the extras put him in the place of a jouster, gets himself horizontal and holds the camera facing the other team of jousters. And then they run straight at eachother. That's the kind of cool angle that will add a little something to an otherwise standard piece. And it's why his name is Showbiz, he's very good at what he does.

After this sequence, a quick "planning" scene was improvised where the 5 main characters sat around a table and decided who was doing what. Mike Ransom and I are in the background. This scene isn't noteworthy except for what happened in between takes. One of the extras decided he felt like directing.

Extra: Hey! Hey! How about I jump in the scene and go "And then I can go and tell the Dean"...
Steve: (look of complete disbelief)
Extra: That'll be cool right?
Steve: Umm... no.
Keith: Everyone's a fuckin director.

After this everyone was stoked because today's lunch was In N' Out Burger day. Every extra/crew member was gonna get a burger. Mike Ransom rolled in just in time for the following scene. He absolutely STOLE the scene and when I say stole, I mean like jacked a lollipop right out of an infants mouth stole.

The reason we all were getting In N' Out was because someone had heard that we had received a ton of burgers from the Dean in exchange for his lugnuts back. Here MTV got half of the story right. The entire Senior class did get hamburgers, but it was from a classmate's family (it was also Wendy's). Here, MTV just combined the two events so to make it seem that one of our demands was that the Dean buy us all burgers.

So the following scene was born: the 5 heroes walk into the cafeteria where a number of students are seated enjoying their free burgers. We see them and start a mass celebration that ends with the Dean telling us "Ya got me!"

Imagine if you will, myself and Mike Ransom sitting across from eachother in this cafeteria, we each have a cold, not good tasting burger anymore sitting in front of us, that we desperately want to bite into, but we can't because we need it for the camera. We took this pent up angst and turned it into an absolutely chaotic scene that I won't soon forget.

ACTION! I turn around look at the five guys walking in the cafeteria, everyone waits in silence for me to start. I jump up and start screaming, the cafeteria erupts with everyone raising the burgers in the air and charging the guys. Mike Ransom starts jumping on top of his table. He bites viciously into his burger screaming shaking his head left to right violently. Once I see this I can barely contain myself. Mike has the entire crew in stitches. Hamburgers and fries go flying every which way. On every take Mike improvises. On one take he steals the ketchup bottle and starts chugging ketchup. On the next he tells Chavez to chug an entire bottle of Gatorade (my Gatorade dammit).

We ended not filming a lot after that sequence. There were a few sequences with the Principal and the Dean, but for one reason or another I didn't see them. Chavez, Brian (who also showed up just in time for the In N'Out scene) and I spent a lot of time stealing Gatorades from the cafeteria. Note to cafeteria workers: when locking refrigerators, do make sure you can't fit a hand inside.

Ransom's scene saved the day for me, I was tired from constantly yelling, the In N'Out was awful, and I didn't learn a whole lot. His hysterical performance made things go a lot faster.

However, this was not to be the only scene he stole lucky for us, he had another trick up his sleeve.

But once again, that's for next time.

MTV Day 2: Getting a Job, Losing a Job and Partying With the Crew

2005-08-13T17:05:00.000-07:00

This part of my ongoing articles on working with an MTV crew. Part 1 can be read here.

Day 2 began much, much too early. I had crashed at my buddy Eric's house and awoke to the sound of my cell phone ringing very loudly. I looked down, saw a number I didn't recognize and went back to sleep. The same number called back again 15 minutes later, this time I picked up, with the hope that I could convince whoever it was not to call again.

I picked up and heard Ryan Miller on the other end. Immediately he asked me, "How would you like to do some production work?" Hell yes I would. I scrambled up and immediately began yelling at passed out friends to get moving.

The location was Washington High School, which looks absolutely NOTHING like Brophy. And when I say absolutely nothing I mean it's like comparing Rosanne Arnold to Heidi Klum. Brophy is an aesthetically pleasing mission style stucco campus filled with beautiful archways, scenic landscaping and huge buildings. Washington High School is a very urban looking, with lots of bricks, poles and dark hallways.

Once I arrived in the parking lot, Keith greeted me with a smile- "There's Craig. About fuckin time, now get out of here we have a job for you." I wave at Biz, who is shooting an actress pretending to be Brophy's Security Chief, Ms. K. This actress is about 70, dressed in a quasi-police uniform and looks nothing like Ms. K. Ms. K is around 45 or so, used to be a cop and could easily kick half the school's ass. She is not going to like her replacement.

I talk to Ryan who says my first job is to go to Circuit City and pick up some headphones for Keith. Back to the car.

I get the headphones (all the while, myself Eric and Nick yell as we walk through the store, "Out of the way MTV coming through. Out of the way.") and head back. The crew had moved to a new locale and was shooting a hallway scene involving a bunch of students reacting to the prank. One particularly lame shot involved a number of students saying, "They jacked the Dean's nuts."
Ugh. And you guessed it- all of this never happened. Most students were in class when the prank went down.

I had spent some time with Biz and Keith setting up all the lighting for these shots and the ones that followed. You'll never guess when you see it on TV, but we had two huge lighting rigs providing key light (i.e. front light), and back light on all the actors.

We continued in the hallway and shot both a teacher and the Dean coming down the hallway. The teacher stopped to converse with a few extras (ironically not real Brophy students, who we had a number of on-location that day) and then walked past camera. The next set up was the Dean walking past a bunch of Brophy guys (Eric, Mike, Brian) who, see if you can spot this when it airs, are chugging a bottle of Clorox. The Dean then walked down the hallway, ran into a student who was hurrying to class, and told a bunch of kids to tuck in their shirts.

All in all the Dean wasn't a bad actor, but he was about 20 years older than Gmelich and didn't really capture what Gmelich was all about. Gmelich could look at you in such a way that you immediately began looking around until you discovered what it was he was upset about. He also had an extremely dry sense of humor that wasn't touched on at all. But in a 15 minute segment what can you do?

While we are on the subject of actors and extras a few things to note- actors as a general rule are assholes. The people behind the camera are much more down to earth and fun to be around. Actors are delusional. They live in a bubble where they are the most important people on earth and to suggest otherwise is akin to treason. Luckily, on this shoot the adult actors were professionals. The extras on the other hand were oddballs.

However, there is no one, and I mean no one I have worked with who compares with the extra originally known as Lance, later labelled by the crew as "Freakboy."

Freakboy had shoulder length blonde hair, a constant scowl and said nothing to anyone. The consensus was he was on a lot of drugs (later confirmed in part by me) or hadn't slept in days (also confirmed later by me). When he did speak it was always some stupid ass question like "When's lunch?" or "When's the next closeup?" He also bitched and moaned a lot, which was annoying because everyone was working their ass off in 110 degree heat while the extras sat in air conditioned rooms for most of the day. I personally wanted to shove my foot up his ass, because I hadn't had time to change from the night before and walked around in long jeans all day. More on Freakboy later.

The day moved along, we had Domino's for lunch. Keith's quote on that: "Ah, so Domino's is shitty no matter where you go in America." My response: "Well at least you won't be surprised."

After lunch we shot more walkway scenes. I wasn't around for some of it because I was striking (taking down) lighting rigs. I also helped out the Production Coordinator Joelle with some mundane tasks I won't bore you with.

The day wrapped with me giving extras instructions as to when to walk through yet another hallway scene. MTV is honest to God going to have at least 30 minutes of walking scenes to choose from for this show.

At the end of the day Joelle asked me to come into the makeshift crew area. I apparently had some paperwork to fill out. I was officially an employee of MTV. She asked me if I was okay with the daily rate. I had no idea what she was talking about, because I was under the impression I was doing this work for free (this is somewhat standard in Hollywood, you do a lot of Production Assistant work for free in order to move up in the chain of command). So when she said, "We're paying you 150 for today is that alright?" I said "Good lord." She thought I wanted more money.

That night the crew wanted to go out, so Nick Lish had planned a little shindig at his house. The little shindig grew into a huge freaking party by 10 o'clock. The crew got there around 10:30. I left the party with Keith and Biz to take them to the local liquor store. When we got back the party had gotten broke up by Tempe cops because some idiot was out front making noise. We all felt pretty bad we couldn't have shown the guys a better time that night. However, they told me they hit the Tempe bar area, which is always fun.

I also had found out that I was getting fired in a sense that night because Joelle's production assistant who hadn't shown up that day was apparently showing up the next. But the crew liked me and wanted me to come back the next day. Which ended up being good for both me and the guys, because the PA was useless.

So I did head back to Washington High the next day and almost ended up in a fist fight with an extra.

But that's for next time.

MTV Day 1: Becoming Craig, Meeting "Biz," Finding Out Who the Hooligans Are and Getting the Hell Out of the Shot

2005-08-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

As promised, here is part one of my 4 or 5 part (I'm lazy, so we'll see) story about my experience as both cast and crew working for MTV's High School Stories series.

Preface:

My first call with Ryan Miller (Associate Producer) happened a little over 3 weeks ago, when I was in San Diego. He called and asked if I wouldn't mind coming down to a day or two of filming for a show documenting my Senior Class's end of the year prank. (The show is High School Stories, some of you have probably heard of it) The prank, which I didn't think actually went that well (more on this later), would be completely re-enacted and they needed interview segments to complement the re-enactments. I figured they might use a couple clips from me describing the prank and then send me on my way. I was wrong.

Fast forward to last Tuesday. I'm at my boring office job, counting the number of pens on my desk, when my phone rings again. It's Ryan. He's confirming my availability- as if I would turn the chance to watch a TV project being shot- and then asks me if I know of anywhere they might be able to film with a pool. Well, I have a pool. Will I sign a release form? Damn straight I will.

Day 1

The day started about 9:30. The crew rolled up in two cars full of equipment. I finally met Ryan, and was introduced to Steve (Producer), Biz (Director of Photography) and Keith (Audio Guy). Ryan is 27, married and just looks like a friendly guy. Biz looks about 30 and looks like a New York Italian, which he is. Keith is a burly, stocky New York Italian, who looks like he played fullback, which he did. These three have a razor sharp humor and if you aren't careful, can and will rip you into pieces. But the guys all have hearts of gold and are among the best people I've met in the business. Steve on the other hand, is 37 and looks like he's maybe 21, is mild and soft spoken. He's funny, but not as outgoing as the other three.

We made our introductions and headed out to the pool, where I had a chance, in between setting up for the first interview to talk with the guys about the film and TV scene in New York, where all of them are from. I was surprised to learn that all the guys are temporary employees of MTV, who do freelance work. Ryan had just gotten done working on the TV show, Inked, which I had seen and actually enjoyed. I told Ryan I normally hated reality TV, but had found Inked to be pretty interesting. He thought this was amusing because his job on Inked was to find and create stories out of footage. Most of the time this involved creating an entirely faked series of events. For instance in the pilot episode of Inked, the main thrust of the story surrounds the two co-owners battling for full control of the tatoo parlor they own. It's made to seem as if the battle involves lawyers, bitter phone calls and a lot of anger. In reality, one co-owner had left the business well before the TV crews had arrived and the producers had to coax him back to act the sequence of events out (the lawyers and phone calls never happened).

Ryan went on to say that 99% of reality TV is scripted. The rest of the crew chimed in with their own experiences- Blind Date ("totally scripted - you think it's a coincidence they pick people with who are total opposites?") Real World ("absolute BS - they pick obnoxious people who will play along with fake drama") and the aforementioned Inked ("We had to create stories and try and match footage to those stories") A lot more work goes into reality TV than simply shooting and editing.

During this conversation I made it clear to Ryan and Steve that I was a film production, which turned out to be a real smart move on my part.

Back to my pool. Since the Brophy guys were late, Steve decides that I should be the first interviewee. He starts off with a lot of questions about Brophy, Dean Gmelich, and Phoenix in general. But then he throws me a curveball. He wants me to disassociate myself from my group of friends. I immediately know where this is headed. I'm going to be "that guy." The guy who they cut to who says things like "Boy those guys are sure wild" or "Those guys are crazy" or "I wish I were as cool as they were."

But, whatever, I'm not too worried and play along. Just to set the record straight in case the editor's make me look like an ass, I mentioned that I liked Dean Gmelich, I loved Brophy, and that I was a bit of a troublemaker. I also find out that MTV has renamed our group of friends (which we used to call the "F.U.C.K.E.R.s") to "The Hooligans." So I spent a lot of time talking about a group that never existed that I apparently wasn't a part of. That's Reality for you.

The interview lasts over 30 minutes, which would have been okay, except we were outside in the 100 degree heat. I'm going to look like a friggin tomato on TV.

We wrap up my interview and Anthony Chavez and Nick Lish arrive and they each do their respective interviews (which again last about 30 minutes each). Here's the crazy thing, the TOTAL segment is going to be about 14 minutes. Before the lunch break on the first day, they have over 90 minutes of interview material.

About this time I call my buddy John Howard and tell him to head down. I figure they may use him as an extra or something (they don't) or might ask him for an interview (they don't). At least he got to see a film crew at my house.

Lunch is fun, because the guys are from New York and have never been to In N Out burger. Needless to say they enjoyed it. Also my lunch was comp'ed by MTV and free food always tastes better. (John's lunch wasn't- he left soon after this)

The afternoon was spent filming an event that never happened: Chavez sitting by a pool cutting up a ransom note to give to the Dean. Nick Lish and I dive into the pool on occasion and swim around to make the background of the shot more interesting. And then, out of nowhere, the longest running joke of the entire shoot was born- Craig.

Unbeknownst to me, Steve had misheard my name as Craig. While we were diving he made the decision that my face couldn't be seen for the rest of the day, because in the constraints of the story I had to be "that guy" and "that guy" can't be hanging out with the cool kids. So he started saying a lot of "Craig, get out of the shot." Biz and Keith just thought this was hysterical- here they were shooting at my place, using my house, and the producer had my name wrong and was kicking me out of the shot.

I was the butt of this joke for the rest of the shoot. But it was okay, because the crew and I immediately got along and they didn't hesitate to put me to work behind the scenes, which was exactly what I had hoped for.

They filmed the one ransom note scene about 8 times from about 8 different angles. I'd estimate by the end of the day they had well over an hour's worth of footage of that one scene. This would become the standard for the rest of the shoot.

We wrapped around 5:30 or so and said our good-byes. Ryan asked me to come down and be an extra for the shoot at Washington High School the next day. Even though being an extra is shitty, I of course said yes, because:
A. the crew was awesome and this was a great opportunity to learn from pro's
B. some friends and I were planning to go out and party and then head down to the shoot anyway
C. I had nothing better to do than go sit on my ass in an office

I headed out that night with vague notions of sitting in a classroom, shooting the shit with friends all day. How very wrong I was...

Read Day 2 (coming soon)
Read Day 3 (coming soon)
Read Day 4 (coming soon)
Read Day 5 (coming soon)

Anyone But Jarrett

2005-08-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Update 11/20/08

3 plus years later and Jarrett is arrested. Here's my inevitable "told ya so."

http://www.azcentral.com/community/phoenix/articles/2008/11/20/20081120maupinarrest1120-ON.html

For all those venturing to my site for the first time: welcome. If you're curious, nothing Jarrett has done in the last three years has changed my opinion of him or the people he associates with.

The unedited article below.

-Greg

As I've already discussed on this website, the wannabe Al Sharpton (Sharpton by the way is, in my estimation, a class A idiot), Jarrett Maupin has started his political career by campaigning for District 8 in Phoenix. I've decided to start a campaign of my own:

There is NO NO NO reason to elect this proven liar to office. In the years that I knew Jarrett at Brophy, he spent his time:

1. Ostracizing himself, spending time with only those who agreed with his skewed view of the world.

2. Leading the Teenage Republicans. THAT'S RIGHT, I said leading the Young Republicans. Maupin, the next "Rev" (by the way, anyone who thinks they can just bestow upon themselves the title of Reverend, is an insult to the dedication and years of service those in the religious life selflessly give up) spent his time participating in debates and arguing for Republican ideals. That's until he was booted off for BEING LATE and LAZY. Like any true opportunist, he didn't hesitate to flip his views 180 degrees when it offerred him a chance at fame.

3. Lying. He made up numerous accounts of racism at Brophy that not only were never verified, but were sometimes disproven by sheer idiocy of the accusations.

I encourage you to spread the word. Don't let District 8 reward Maupin's years of self-serving slandering.

P.S. Feel free to grab the image. Put it up anywhere and everywhere.

Believe The Truth: Oasis Is Back

2005-07-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

I can't say what a delight it is to pop in a CD and be surprised. Too often these days artists only give us more of what we expect (see Coldplay X&Y). And while that sound might be excellent, the risk takers are rarely noticed, or rewarded by the populace at large.

Oasis, led by two of my favorite people in the world, Noel and Liam Gallagher, have re-discovered and reanimated their band. Their latest CD, Don't Believe the Truth, not only brings back the energy that made their early work memorable, but also branches out to a sound we haven't heard from Oasis.

Tracks like "Love Like A Bomb" sound familiar, but others like "The Importance of Being Idle" and the moving "Guess God Thinks I'm Abel" sound like something off from an entirely different band.

I can't reccomend this album enough. Welcome back Oasis.

P.S. If you are looking for laughs, read ANY interview with the two Gallagher brothers. They are hysterical, offensive and completely entertaining.

My First "Only" Remix

2005-07-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

I caught an interesting piece of news the other day. Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails had posted the original studio tracks to his new single "Only" and was asking for fan remixes.

I really enjoy remixes of songs (check out Linkin Park's Reanimation for an idea of just how "original" they can be) and even though I had never touched a piece of music software, I decided to challenge myself to come up with something that sounded nothing like the original "Only."

So I spent a few hours tooling with Sony ACID, and came up with about 1 minute 18 seconds of what I think has the potential to be a pretty damn cool remix, should I extend it.

I'm sure most musicians out there can figure out how exactly I tweaked the song, but for all the uninitiated- I'm not telling. Go out and try yourself.

It's a hell of a lot of fun.

Here's a link to my remix.
BUT- I suggest listening to the original first.

UPDATE: Taking on a challenge from my friend Rod, who commented, "That song is like eating a cheeseburger and then having someone take it away" I have re-done the song and added a bit more depth to it. No one steals hamburgers from Rod. No one.

Here's the new mix.

Leave a comment and let me know which one you like better.

War of the Worlds: Morbid, Mindless Special Effects

2005-07-01T01:44:00.000-07:00

I'll keep this simple and to the point. Spielberg forgot an essential ingredient to any story: a hero. He also needlessly exhumed imagery of September 11th that I personally did not want to see serialized in a science fiction borderline horror story.

ILM once again dazzled with their special effects, but when the movie is hollow and lacks any emotional punch: Who cares?

War of the Worlds is a movie I probably won't willingly watch for a long time. It lacks any redeeming moments, Tom Cruise is only mildly believable as a working class dad and Dakota Fanning's solid performance is wasted because her character never does anything except shriek.
I could have tolerated the dark, morbid aspects of the film had Spielberg rewarded the audience with any semblance of redemption. Instead the character arcs are weak, we are forced to watch scene after scene of torturous "vaporizings" and other deaths and until the last few frames never actually see any real progression in the overall story (man vs. aliens).

See Batman Begins instead: a movie crafted with care and focused exactly where it should be: on plot and character.

Oh and someone tell Tom Cruise to shut the hell up.

Mother

2005-06-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

This ones a little tough to read I've been told. You've been warned.

Mother

I sit and stare into the gaunt reflection of the man I have become. My face begs for color. My eyes look desperately for hope. Dreams do not disappear all at once I have come to realize. They slowly disappear, on the edge of your conscience, forever just out of your reach. Teasing you. Urging you to let go of whatever it is holding you back. Until finally, you stop and try to remember what your dream was. With one last tear it slips away and you return to the life of monotony you had desperately tried to escape. That's what I had told myself.

I was not about to let my dream slip away.

I had started with such promise. I had written a screenplay at the age of 20 that I sold for twenty-thousand dollars to a slick producer named Gallant. Gallant told me I was going places. Destined for fame and fortune. I moved to LA and spent my early twenties writing, partying, and becoming “the next big thing.” I stepped on anything or anyone who got in my way. I spat on those who would not or could not appease me. Women arrived and left quickly. None deterring my lust or hunger for fame and fortune.

Just before my 28^th birthday my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I packed my belongings and moved back to my hometown. I traded the lights for the dust. The future for the past. I believed, in fact, I was going will my visit to be a short one. I would pay for the best treatment in the world, shake a few hands, kiss a few cheeks of relatives I had ran from and get back to my life. I had left this god-awful world behind and wasn’t about to spend hours shooting the shit with people I hated.

She had driven me away all those years ago. I couldn't stand her self righteous bullshit. I couldn't handle her good Baptist friends. Her weekly visits from the Pastor, who never hesistated to tell me of the hell that awaited me. Her almost nightly chastisements about things she had heard. I hated her and I had told her so. After my dad died I left. With an unquenchable hate, I left.

My first visit to see my mother ripped out whatever was left of my soul. She had lost forty pounds, bald and barely moving. I had to grab a table to keep from falling. I fought the urge to vomit. I had to step outside to calm myself. The next conversation propelled me to for the first and last time in my life consider suicide. Sometimes I often wonder if I should have ended it right then and there. At least then my mother wouldn’t have had to endure seeing her worthless son.

After a tearful hello, kneeling at her bed, I begged her to tell me why she hadn’t called me sooner. With a voice barely above a whisper she said people told her I wouldn’t have the time. With her last remaining strength she told me how thankful she was that I had come. It hit me as a man who has heard his death sentence. She thanked me. I couldn’t look at myself for weeks.

But now I stare into a mirror. I stare into a mirror as my mother’s son. I too have cancer, but only now there is no one to care for me. The love I refused to share now, in my moment of need, returns the favor. My sickly body is now a window in to my soul. God’s vengeful smile haunts me.

The footsteps of roads I have walked in my life echo in my mind. With a loud thud I hear the moment I walked away from my house, vowing never to return. A bang as a slam the door in the face of my father, the last time I laid eyes on him. The slamming of the phone on my mother. My evil now ravages my body. I traded my soul for my aspirations. My drive to succeed mercilessly swallowed my loved ones.

I struggle to rest my head. I stare at the white ceiling. The door into the infinite blackness of my hallway is open. I think I hear mom coming to tuck me in.

Dialogue

2005-05-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

One of the toughest things to establish is the sense of reality that must pervade your stories. I find the best way to do this is through dialogue- if I can believe that the character says what he says, then chances are I'll play along. I wrote a play (one act) for a class a few weeks ago. It is probably the most offensive thing I've written (minus my work in progress novel, which by the way I'm still working on.) Here's a bit of my play- enjoy.

A classic Southern porch is on stage flanked by a beat up Ford 67 Mustang. Through two windows in the house we can clearly see a kitchen with large table and chairs. Part of a living room is also visible. “Sweet Home Alabama” begins to play through a radio sitting on the porch. Uncle Ted, 58, appears stage right and begins to dance and sing along. Although he is no one’s uncle in particular his family still calls him Uncle. His jean overalls jingle as he moves across stage.

Uncle Ted: (still dancing) WHERE THE SKIES ARE SO BLUE!

His wife, Sara, 57, a loving simple woman, peeks her head through the window and takes in the scene.

Sara: Ted, turn down that music!

Uncle Ted: Woman, I am perfecting my dance moves.

Sara: But the neighbors!

Uncle Ted: What- the queer Mormons? I don’t give two shits what they think.

Sara: Now Ted- they are good people.

Uncle Ted: Good for getting the goddamn liquor laws changed in this county. Sonsabitches. 2AM my ass.

Sara: Ted, you cut it out and turn down that damn racket. I’m gonna invite them over just to spite ya.

Uncle Ted: And then I’ll start target practice and we’ll see how funny that’ll be.

Sara walks back inside and then re-emerges. She has the mail in her hand.

Sara: Ted, Ted- Norm is coming back this weekend! He wrote a letter. He’ll be in sometime night.

Uncle Ted finally stops dancing.

Uncle Ted: Well hell, gimme that letter… Dear Dad… coming home with a friend… well hell- sounds like this friend a his is big in Hollywood. About goddamn time we got our moneys worth from that school. Shit, I should just let ‘em come on down here and take the whole goddamn farm, it’ll save me the trouble of selling it off later. Bastards.

Sara: Honey, don’t worry about this stuff. You’re blood pressure-

Uncle Ted: Oh blood pressure my ass. Only pressure is gonna be my hands around Norm’s neck if he doesn’t become the next Spieldon. Or whatever the hell that clowns name is. See, we’re at a disadvantage- he ain’t Jewish. So like I said, next year we send him with a Yamakah thingy and say his name is Holdstein or sumthin. Betcha right there he gets a film made.

Sara: Now honey… Remember the Yorshten’s? They were wonderful neighbors.

Uncle Ted: They were wonderful neighbors if borrowing a shovel involved signing a goddamn release form. Or if they always brought drinks to the neighborhood Barbeques. Only thing that could have possibly worse is if Mormon’s replaced them and shit- got my goddamn wish didn’t I?

God Bless Our Troops

2005-05-04T13:51:00.000-07:00



A U.S. soldier holds a fatally wounded infant on the streets of Iraq. I hope they put two in the head of Zarqawi.

Godspeed.

A Few Poems To Hold You Over

2005-04-29T01:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Not much progress on the screenplay, but have been keeping busy with other creative writing pieces. I'll share a few and talk a bit about how I came to write them. More updates to come.

This particular poem was inspired by a few people I knew who attended religious oriented groups on a regular basis at LMU but didn't exactly live out the "religious life" as it were. This was even worse in Phoenix where I knew countless people who went to "Life Teen" but weren't afraid to get drunk and sleep around. Although, I don't know this from personal experience...

Kelley Cross

Kelley Cross had the hearts and minds of nearly everyone
She ran the school, led the cheers, and prayed constantly
Her teachers sang her praises, “she’s going far” they said
Kelley Cross smiled and let it go to her head

She never bragged nor made a boast
Yet, in her head she was untouchable
Assured she deserved her cut above the rest
I alone however, have a secret to confess

I’m quietly moving out of her comfy bed
A drunken night of lovemaking she probably will forget
For I am not the first nor last to visit Kelley Cross’s room tonight
A sainted girl with quite the secret- an insatiable sexual appetite

This next poem is pretty straightforward. I was sitting in a class and happened to glance outside to a very sickly tree, with only one flower on it. And, in part with some life experience which I'm sure you can all relate to- this poem came about.

Rose on A Dying Tree

A rose on a dying tree
My love- one last gasp for you

One last rose on a dying tree
One last chance to say what you always knew

Next week I'll post a new play I wrote- probably the most offensive politically incorrect thing I've ever done. Either that or I'll post some embryonic stem cell research thoughts. Leave some comments and let me know.

A Few Things

2005-03-27T14:01:00.000-08:00

Firstly, a sincere condolence to the Schindler and Schiavo families- although not to Michael Schiavo who is a total creep. Even a casual glance at the evidence in this case brings up many questions- i.e. Why did Michael wait until 1998 to petition to remove Terri's feeding tube? Perhaps because the money had ran out? Who knows, but God help the Schindlers as they have to sit and watch their daughter slowly starve to death, which must be even more heartbreaking as they have begged and pleaded numerous times to have Terri placed into their care.

Secondly, it has been brought to my attention that I am not as funny as I used to be. In my defense I would like to point out that this is my serious site- the link to my humor site is on the right hand side of this page, although I still may not be getting any funnier at least you'll have the right site.

Lastly, my parents have asked me to enter into a scholarship contest for 30,000 bucks. What kind of contest- a screenplay contest. So by May 1st I need to have a 90 page screen play complete. As you can imagine this will take up a LARGE chunk of my time, if not every free moment, so my updates here will largely consist of- "Made it to page 30. I hate life." etc. etc. Wish me luck.

Being "In" the Business

2005-03-15T02:16:00.000-08:00

Being around the film people in L.A. can lead to interesting conversations about filmmakers, writers, and even stars. The last couple of weeks I have heard more rumors about who is sleeping with who, who is cheating on who, who slept with who for a part, who smokes weed on set etc. The pot culture is EXTREMELY prevalent in Hollywood and not just with the lower classes of jobs. Funnily enough some of the most respected actors and directors in Hollywood are consistently stoned. How they are able to work so well is beyond me.

Oddly enough I've learned that filmmakers often have a very good idea that they are making a horrible picture while they are STILL filming. Why a screenwriter isn't brought in for a polish or production isn't stopped is probably the first question that pops into your head. Apparently studios would rather just continue production and hope that marketing and a few editing jobs can fix major problems than spend the money to actually make any meaningful changes. This sort of logic makes me want to punch people, however, since I'm a film student and they are million dollar suits, I'll go ahead and not do that.

As with any business you have to be careful who you associate with. One very talented screenwriter has written two great scripts that have been totally trashed by bad directing and bad talent (Tomb Raider 2 and Paycheck). I'll wrap up my post with the story behind Exorcist: The Beginning as one final illustration of the business I'm dealing with.

Exorcist: The Beginning was originally shot and directed by noted director Paul Schrader (Taxi Driver, American Gigolo, Auto Focus). The studio, Morgan Creek, upon seeing a nearly finished version decided it was too "smart" and didn't have enough "scares." So they hired noted director Steven Spielberg to re-shoot it. JUST KIDDING. They hired hackjob director Renny Harlin, known for.... Driven? Maybe Deep Blue Sea. And he released a horrible, horrible movie that made little sense and was missing a key element to cinematic success- a script.

So what does Morgan Creek do? They go for the money and say that they are going to release Paul Schrader's "original" version on DVD (as if it was their idea that his version be the "original" version).

Anyway I'm never watching Harlin's piece of crap version again and am patiently waiting for Schrader's vision. Hopefully I'll find a way to appease both the suit and the artist in me.

A Short Story

2005-02-28T18:45:00.000-08:00

I've had enough of the Brophy drama. Changing gears, I'll steer us back to my writing. This is a short story I wrote about a week ago. Enjoy.

Melissa

I sit here with my food and stare at the wall cuz I don’t know how to spend the last hour of my life. I asked for steak, potatoes and a beer. It tastes pretty good. I guess I should reflect. I miss my mama.

I have thirty minutes. I been thinkin a lot about Melissa lately. Melissa was my one chance to turn this all around. She was the only one who ever believed in me. We used to go walkin in the park back in Philly. It would be chilly and I never could afford good heatin at my place, so I took Melissa out for walks. Melissa would make me laugh. I figure I coulda married that girl. No matter how cold it was, I always felt warm around her.

The guard just came by doin his rounds. He gave me a nod. Everyone here knows what I’m in here for. Guards usually treat me well. I don’t give em no guff and they don’t give me no guff neither. I guess I’m down to twenty minutes. I wonder if Melissa knows what’s gonna happen to me. I think she does.

Melissa met me one day at old McGinty’s bar. I usually went there with the construction guys after work. She walked in and the whole bar stopped for just that one moment. That one moment that I can’t get out of my mind.

In prison she never came to see me. Every Thursday I died a little inside when she didn’t come. I guess that’s why today isn’t so bad. My daddy used to say that girls can drive a man crazy. I think my dad knew what he was talkin about. But he loved mama. That’s how I woulda loved Melissa.

Some of the guys in that bar used to say how much they wanted to sleep with Melissa. But they never understood. There’s two types of girls in this world. There are the ones that want you and there’s the one you want. I guess I’m kinda lucky I knew who that was. Maybe some guys go their whole lives stuck with a buncha girls who mean nuthin. Melissa meant something to me.

Ten minutes. I guess maybe I should pray. I don’t know what to say. I pray one day Melissa knows how much I loved her. I hope someone out there misses me. I guess everyone wishes they could go back to one moment in their life.

Melissa one time asked me if I loved her. I dunno what came over me. I couldn’t say nothing. Melissa quickly started talking again after a moment. She musta taken that as a no. God how I wish I could go back and hold her hand and tell her how I felt about her. My hands is startin to shake. Maybe I am a bit scared.

The guard come by again. It’s his last round. Next time is for me. I finished my steak, but I can’t feel anything anymore, it’s like chewing paper. If Melissa was here she’d tell me it’s all gonna be alright. But she ain’t here. I miss my mama. She’d tell me it’d be alright. It’s gonna be alright. Here he come. I love you Melissa.

The New Times and Brophy

2005-02-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

This article http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/issues/2005-02-03/news/feature_1.html, regarding Jarrett Maupin should be read by every Brophy student and alumni. In response I sent a letter to the author Jimmy Magahern. It is as follows:

Mr. Magahern,

You apparently have not done your homework. As someone who went to school with Jarrett, perhaps it would have behooved you to mention to your readers he was a Young Republican at Brophy. Even the most amateur reporter would have to think twice about this sudden change of heart.

Or perhaps including facts would have been appropriate in your article instead of broad unfounded generalizations. When mentioning Brophy's "not so zero hate crime tolerance policy" a simple interview with the African-American students who left Brophy for St. Mary's would have brought up a very pertinent case- Drew Foster.

Drew, a white student, was thrown out of Brophy in an altercation involving an African American student, where both sides used racial terms. The African American student received no punishment. But then, broad generalizations are easier aren't they?

Even some cursory research by you could have verified that indeed the student who wrote the "niggler" grafitti was EXPELLED by Mr. KOPAS (when slandering do try and spell people's names correctly). He was readmitted, but only after completing a substantial amount of community service. Also, Jarrett's story of being called a "nigger" by Xavier personnel was never verified and he could never point out who exactly did the name-calling. But that couldn't have been relevant?

Among my minority friends, the number of which I would estimate to be in the 20s, I never heard of racial intolerance at Brophy. If it did occur, those involved were swiftly punished. At at Jesuit high school, which you so ignorantly labeled "elitist," (tell that to the huge population of students on work-study, who work summers mowing lawns to pay for Brophy or the Hispanic community where Brophy students contribute thousands of hours each year in community service or to those with Cystic Fibrosis where Brophy consistently leads Arizona in donations), there is no room for racism.

However at the New Times reporters like you are rewarded for sensationalism. Congratulations on a piece sure to draw attention to a candidate who will be to sure follow in his mentor's footsteps and capitalize on falsehoods. As a former editor of our school's magazine, I am insulted you couldn't uphold a basic tenet of journalism.

Telling the truth.

Sincerely,

Greg Dunaway
Class of 2004

Update: His response is now in the comments section of this post.

Some Thoughts About Abortion

2005-01-28T17:08:00.000-08:00

This essay deals with the role of government in legislating abortion law. It is written with respect to Catholic Social Teaching.

The issue of abortion never will be resolved in the modern American landscape. The progress made on both sides of the issue had led to a virtual standstill between those screaming murder and those resolved to protect individual rights at any cost. Morality seems to be a dense fog in the midst of these two camps, with both sides claiming “right” on their side. What must be examined then is the role that a democratic government should have in regulating such a debated issue. Do the moral implications of condoned infanticide outweigh the potentially slippery slope of government interference in citizen’s everyday lives? The answer in our modern day society is that abortion must neither be encouraged nor restricted by the government. Whose morals are we to follow? What religion dictates these morals? There can be no answers to these questions which lead to an inevitable conclusion about abortion and many other issues. While a morally repugnant practice, abortion must be kept legal as the laws of our country guarantee the right of a woman to have the final say over her own pregnancy; beyond that no action should be taken other than those rights guaranteed already in our constitution. The corollary of this is that the government must withdraw all government monies going to support a practice many regard as murder.

In the last year American taxpayer’s money went to support abortion clinics throughout the United States. Under the Bush administration last year over 100 million dollars went to support Planned Parenthood, the largest provider of abortions in America. Government programs like Title X and Medicaid provided support for Planned Parenthood to keep operating and turn a major profit in the United States[1]. This money seems unjustified as 47% of Americans do not believe that abortion should even be legal in the United States[2]. Catholic social teaching over the last century has indicated that the role of government must protect human dignity[3]. If a democratically based government’s constituency does not overwhelmingly support an issue as socially important as abortion, the government must not in any way encourage abortion. As it is their money the government is spending, the dignity of those voting must be respected in this case.

The next and most important issue then becomes how exactly, if it all, does the government legislate pragmatically in the United States. Since the legality of abortion has been determined, what moral steps must a government take to protect the rights of women and that of the unborn. In this case the autonomy of the woman to dictate control over her pregnancy becomes the focal point of the debate. As a country, we must respect the woman’s moral agency to make decisions about her own children. No one knows better the situation of a pregnancy than the woman involved; certainly not the state. The Catholic position articulated by the Bishops of the U.S. asserted that "The Gospel of Life… must be proclaimed, and human life defended, in all places and all times.” This position is of course valid and should be encouraged. However, it lacks the sophistication to answer such questions as, “What about the cases where the pregnancy could pose serious health threats to the mother?” Nor does it address significant scientific questions. “When does a life begin?” “Can there be early abortions that take into account the viability of a fetus?” There has been no consensus in the scientific community. If there are no rational answers to these questions, we cannot simply default to religion as a safe backup. Individual morals can not be applied on a such a broad level and effectively govern a nation.

The next moral issue that must be addressed is the rights of the fetus. Certainly one cannot only focus on a woman’s autonomy without mentioning the potential autonomy of a fetus. While the scientific community has no consensus as to when a life begins, there is no doubt that a life is ended in abortion. Strenuous effort then should be made to limit abortions to the very early stages of a pregnancy. If the government can make a distinction that a fetus has the same rights as citizens, then the same rights must be guaranteed. A moral case should be made to insure that pain and suffering be limited to the fetus (and the mother as well).

John Paul II’s encyclical “The Gospel of Life” treats very seriously the threat of abortion on the dignity of the human person. We must all come to:

“recognize in the natural law written in the heart (cf. Rom 2:14-15) the sacred value of human life from its very beginning until its end, and can affirm the right of every human being to have this primary good respected to the highest degree. Upon the recognition of this right, every human community and the political community itself are founded.[4]”

While again, this does address the morality of the issue, the pragmatic approach to eliminating abortion is ignored. Morally abortion should not exist, but it does. The issue then again defaults to- what is our responsibility as a nation to respond to this problem. Morally, perhaps we should focus on a “Gospel of Life,” however, the same political groups that oppose abortion support the death penalty. A quandary of sorts emerges when one tries to legitimately address the issues raised by John Paul II’s encyclical. It seems then a more philosophical approach may be necessary, ignoring short term fixes and the political animal.

What emerges from a close examination of the ideal and the possible with regard to legislating abortion is a picture of compromise. On the one hand, morally, abortion should be rare and frowned upon by society at large. It promotes, at it core, a sanitized version of infanticide. Yet, the issue is not as black and white as it appears at first glance. Popular opinion, the dominating factor in guiding the actions of government, supports abortion. Our modern society allows, for better or worse, for a sort of moral ambiguity to exist. While Catholic social teaching makes valid assertions with regard to governmental support of abortion, it makes no specific charge as to how to address the larger social implications of abortion (i.e. unwanted children, economic hardship). The culture of life it promotes is certainly the ideal for any society; however, the reality is in our current climate, the ideal may be unattainable.

As such, we must react with a calculated response. Encouraging government to enact radical legislation on either side of the abortion issue is not the best, nor even perhaps the most moral response to the problem of abortion. It ignores the larger social and moral issues at stake and realistically may lead to a sad culture of back alley abortions or as is the case in China, forced abortions. Neither extreme is acceptable. Instead, what we must do is foster an environment of education so that women are empowered to make the decision to choose adoption or other alternatives to abortion. Being pro-women and pro-child are not and should not be mutually exclusive of each other.

[1] http://www.covenantnews.com/lefemine041031.htm
[2] ABC News/Washington Post Opinion Poll Jan. 22nd, 2004
[3] http://www.osjspm.org/cst/themes.htm
[4] The Gospel of Life, His Holiness John Paul lI 1995

The Media Lies

2005-01-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

I have a severe distaste for magazines like Rolling Stone that purport to "know" something about politics or war when an artist with such "talent" as Britney Spears has graced their covers multiple times. However, I have found that the deliberate deception going on with the war in Iraq to be spread among the entirety of western journalism as a whole. I would go into more detail, but a soldier on the ground in Iraq has written the best piece I have seen explaining the media's bias in Iraq.

Conservatives, Liberals, ANYONE should read this article to get an idea of what it is REALLY like in Iraq.

I wish all the best to our soldiers in Iraq and across the world. I sincerely hope the failing of our media to tell of your heroic deeds does nothing to hinder you from carrying out your duty.

Conservatives Are Fighting the WRONG Battles UPDATED!

2005-01-11T23:57:00.000-08:00

Why is it that conservatives like throwing their weight behind issues like gay marriage and censorship? Conservatives used to stand against the government poking it's ugly head into places it didn't belong (marriage) and stood ardently ready to defend issues of free speech. Or at least, that's the conservative party I used to belong to.

Let's face it, the upcoming generation of teenagers and college students are very apathetic towards the issue of gay marriage. A survey of College Republican clubs on college campuses found most are still very concerned with issues like taxes, supporting families and fighting terrorism, but are not concerned with gay marriage. If the right fails to see that parading around a dead issue like this is not going to appeal to young Republicans, but may in actuality alienate them from the party- the party will lose it's next generation.

Every day I find moronic Republicans like Orrin Hatch and Brent Bozell re-affirming my switch to the Libertarian party. Orrin Hatch proposed a bill that would fry a person's hard drive if a government sanctioned program found illegally downloaded MP3s. Because the government should be in the business of snooping into citizen's computers... obviously. I'd like to take this time to officially thank Utah for electing this moron.

Another spokesperson for the "Religious Right" Brent Bozell actually took the time out of his busy schedule of whining about Janet Jackson's breast to attack one of the few shows on television that actually affirms some of the values he pretends to treasure. I'll let this quote speak for itself:

Loser: "South Park." The producers of this curdled, malodorous black hole of Comedy Central vomit want to elicit only one sentence from viewers: "Did I just see that on television?" For anyone who thinks television today is not as offensive -- and downright stupid as those "prudes" say it is, we suggest a look at the Dec. 1 episode. At the South Park "Whore-Off" competition, Paris Hilton inserts an entire pineapple into her vagina. A gay man in a biker vest then takes off his pants and puts the entire body of Paris Hilton up his rectum. Remember this episode the next time some TV critic raves about the "talent" behind "South Park."

What Mr. Bozell fails to inform his audience of, is that the show mercilessly attacked Paris Hilton's notoriety as a "whore." In fact, the aforementioned Mr. Slave, went on to deride society as a whole for putting characters like Paris Hilton up on a pedestal and worshipping them, when in fact they should be despised. Just because a show geared for adults, Mr. Bozell, uses adult humor and satire to make a point, doesn't mean it it's "stupid." Mr. Bozell should shut up and get behind Trey Parker and Matt Stone, if he did his homework and stuck to the values that Republicans are supposed to defend, maybe he'd get the joke.

The Conservative movement and some aspects of the "religious right" border on offensive. And that's saying something from a former member of their ranks.

UPDATE: Since I wrote this I've discovered a new conservative movement that actually excites me. "South Park Conservatives," a group of young conservatives who subscribe more to the tenets of Trey Parker than they do Newt Gingrich. A good starting point for the interested is www.southparkconservatives.com.

UPDATE 2: NO, this doesn't mean I've changed parties, this means my respect level for Republicans has gone up a few rungs on the ladder of intelligence.

American Movie Tastes Are Poor

2005-01-03T16:32:00.000-08:00

Yet again American audiences have proven their lack of refinement and taste. Of course taste is subjective, but when a mediocre comedy like Meet the Fockers draws in 162 million in two weekends and movies like Phantom of the Opera are already being yanked from theaters, it's about time for someone to cry foul. And since no one else is willing to say it I will put it bluntly: OUR TASTE IN MOVIES SUCKS.

Sadly, Hollywood is run by the "Top 10" list published in nearly every newspaper and commented on by nearly every news station. This "Top 10" list is not organized by quality of course, but by dollar signs. This weekend for instance, audiences have numerous well reviewed, easy Oscar contenders to choose from. Instead, Americans have chosen "Meet the Fockers" as the best movie of the weekend with "Lemony Snicket" trailing.

The Aviator, an easy Oscar choice this spring, crawls in at number three- making 25% less than "Fockers." Behind "Aviator" in order is: Fat Albert, Ocean's Twelve, National Treasure, Spanglish, Polar Express and Phantom of the Opera and Darkness.

Sideways, the best reviewed movie of the entire year is at number 17. One of Johnny Depp's best performances in Finding Neverland was largely ignored by audiences, checks in at number 15. And a personal favorite of my own, by the director of Hero, House of Flying Daggers is number 21, proving that no matter how beautiful the cinematography, how moving the story is, nor how impressive the martial arts, ignorant American audiences won't see pictures in subtitles unless the protagonist is Jesus Christ.

The blame can be put a bit on the marketing and distributing departments of the big studios, particularly with regard to "Phantom" (whose per theater average ticket sales is better than every movie except "Fockers"). But the rest of the blame sits squarely on the shoulders of us- the moviegoing public, who unless we start changing our habits are only going to encourage mediocrity among filmmakers.

The Conclusion of Chapter One

2004-12-28T01:20:00.000-08:00

So I know you all have been waiting with bated breath (ha, ha) here's the conclusion of Chapter One.

The interesting thing about Travis is that Travis is a very smart person. I think he is resigned to the fact that college is just about his last chance to go wild. Which is interesting, because Travis is in love. Travis loves Collene. Before Collene, Travis loved Karen and before Karen, I’m not really sure because he just refers to her as “the ex.” “The ex” still keeps in touch. I know this because whenever the ex shows up on his instant message program he utters a loud groanal, “FUCK.” Apparently “the ex” is still very much in love with Travis. I am not in love with anyone. Some people say I’m in love with myself, but those people are assholes and I hate them.
It’s Wednesday night and Travis and I are sitting at home with the last remaining Corona. I am very upset because we don’t have limes and Travis isn’t motivated enough to go get in his car.
“You’ve got legs asshole, either go drive my car or fuckin walk. Quit bitching.”
“Fuck you.”
I walk back into our little excuse for a kitchen and glance at the clock on the wall. It is one of a few things that isn’t broken in our house. When I say our house, I mean a two bedroom one bathroom one mini-living room and pitiful excuse for a kitchen, “house.” I love it. I’m a messy person, and since the house encourages my messiness, the house and I get along real well.
The clock reads 7 o’clock. I look at Travis. He isn’t drunk.
“Get in the car, we’re getting beer.”
He begins to stir. “Did you call the girls?”
I hadn’t, but I lied anyway. “Yes, they are all coming, including the hot blonde from math class.” The last part was true; I had invited her on the way out of class. Apparently, two shots of liquid courage transforms me into James Bond. Hurray for Bacardi.
Travis’s car is a white Passat. The trunk is always full of whatever Travis and I are drinking. It has been the vessel of many an adventure. It now sits in a junkyard somewhere, the interior scorched. I miss it.
This night we show up at the local Drive Thru liquor store to find the store empty. I mean deserted fuckin empty. We are in a hurry so we walk around behind the counter and start yelling for someone to fuckin help us.
“Hey Jose, or Jorge, or whatever the fuckin Saint you’re named after, get your ass out here and get me some beer.” Don’t separate a man between him and his drink.
I had taken two shots in the car and was in no mood for games. I looked at Travis and we both knew what had to be done.
Fifteen minutes and four trips later, the car was filled with 15 handles, and 10 cases of beer. We left a twenty dollar bill on the counter. I never knew where the fuck Jose wandered off to, but I imagine he passed out in the bathroom. His job sucked and I don’t blame him.
Heading south on the 405 Travis and I were in business. I took Travis’s cell phone and began to dial. Party time.

My Novel

2004-12-19T23:51:00.000-08:00

Out of the 30 - 40 visitors I get a day between my two sites, only three chose to let me know they would like me to post excerpts of my novel. So, I'm going to take that as a broader microchasm of how the rest of you feel and go ahead and post a bit of the beginning. To give you a little idea of where I am in terms of finishing- you are about to read the beginning of Chapter One (not all of it). I finished Chapter Three two nights ago.

I hope you enjoy a twisted and odd look at life through the eyes of Rob...

A lot can be said about the trip we took. I’ll say most of it. Travis and I live in Southern California, near Santa Monica. It’s pretty, but it’s LA. LA sucks. Parts of LA don’t suck. We lived in a nice slice of suburbia called Westchester. It’s only important because of the jail we get thrown in later. But I’m getting ahead of myself, we have places to go, idiots to meet, girls to piss off. The trip really started as a joke. The trip was a joke.

Chapter 1 - My Name is Rob

I never quite understood why math was important to English majors. English majors, of all other majors, really have no idea what the hell they are doing. Travis and I are English majors. We sit in the back of the same goddamn Math class, listen to the teacher read out of the book, and nudge each other to keep from snoring. Travis leans over to me, “How much are we paying for this school?”
I’m not sure, but I think about it. “Maybe 40 grand, why?”
“Dude, we could go to fuckin Mexico and live like kings for 40 grand. Let’s open up an In N Out Burger down there. Shit, Mexicans love McDonald’s, they’d go apeshit for In N Out.”
I’m compelled to say that In N Out is a private non franchising corporation, but I don’t give shit. Plus before class Travis and I had two shots of Bacardi. Not nearly enough to get us hammered, but enough to make the clock go by faster. The girls in this class are aware that Travis and I are hammered- they haven’t decided if it’s cool or not. Travis and I don’t care.
The teacher continues to drone on about exponential equations. Travis leans over again, “Are we partying tonight?”
“What day is it?”
“Wednesday”
I consider my options. Thursday through Saturday are our normal operating hours. The girls at this college, however, are boring. They are gorgeous, but boring. We could drive to UCSB and pass out in Travis’s car. No, I’m not that desperate. Then in the midst of my thoughts, Travis has a moment of clarity.
“Jesus tap dancing Christ.” A few girls start giggling, Travis is louder than he realizes.
“What? Did you have a thought? Don’t lose it.”
“Fuck you. We have a four day weekend dickhead.”
It takes a moment for this to settle in my brain. Millions of doors are opening to us. We could throw parties at our place, we could party hop the neighborhood, pass out in Travis’s beach house. Again, Travis interrupts my thought process.
“Dude, we should throw a party at the beach house”
And with that, it was settled. He didn’t have to ask me twice. That just left the little chore of getting enough alcohol to last me, Travis and whatever girls decided to join us in our debauchery. Fuck guys. My alcohol is for me and the girl next to me. I may have said this out loud.
“Fuckin A man.” I get a nod of approval from Travis. A blonde girl in front of me laughs. She turns around and stares at me.
She smiles and asks, “Are you guys drunk?”
For a second I think about letting Travis handle this beauty. However, I beat him to the punch.
“My name is Rob, and I’ll be as drunk as you want me to be.”

A Vote Perhaps

2004-12-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

Updates have been lacking a bit and I apologize. I have begun work on a novel of sorts and that has been taking up whatever time I have between work and finals. However, I should be updating more frequently and thoughtfully hopefully as time goes on.

In the meantime, if you would like to see me start posting bits and excerpts of the novel, please let me know in the comments section of this post. It would be easy for me to do and you might find the novel interesting. Or if you would rather I keep the site as is and focus on essays on whatever topic strikes me, let me know that too. We'll see what happens.

The Loft

2004-12-05T23:29:00.000-08:00

The Loft is a building on campus, within shouting distance of my apartment. The Loft is my school sanctioned job. I get paid 7.15 an hour to do basically nothing. This is not to say I do not love my job because in fact, my job is probably the greatest thing since sliced bread. Loyola Marymount pays me to supervise parties and get togethers and as if that isn't great enough, they give the Loft staff money to plan parties. For example I came up with the advertising scheme for our Toga Party: a picture of John Belushi in his Toga, totally drunk.

Needless to say hundreds of college kids showed up and the Loft got a favorable review from the administration (minus some kids who showed up with open beer, which I thought was hysterical; the administration viewed this as a "bad thing").

I have two bosses. One of them is a gorgeous internationally ranked Irish step dancer. She makes fun of me on a continuous basis because I contend that I am more Irish than she is. I base this on the fact that I can drink more than she can and own a pair of Irish boxers.

My other boss and I continually go on In N' Out adventures because neither of us own a car. This usually involves one of us getting bored of playing Halo while on the job and deciding that we are indeed, hungry. Then we call every single person we can recall from memory, including people we do not really know, and begging them to take us to In N' Out. If this does not work, we then degenerate into prank calling people.

In October my job became designing a Haunted House (a.k.a. Haunted Loft). Once completed I scared people for three nights in a row, 9PM-12AM. Keep in mind I was paid for all this work.

Some nights my bosses will randomly decide to take all of us out to dinner. Other nights are devoted to the bosses buying us all drinks.

Easily the best job I have ever had, the Loft serves as a shining reminder that chill jobs exist for chill people like me.

Screenings Are Dumb

2004-11-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

Living in L.A. one of the few perks I assumed would be seeing movies either: A. early or B. that no one else gets to see. The latter has proven to be untrue (unless you count movies I watch for my Art of the Cinema class) and the only movies that are unique are a bunch of Anti-Bush documentaries that are playing at some 3rd class theater near Santa Monica. No thanks.

However, last week I was stoked as I got to see a movie 6-7 months before you will get to. It was called Chaos, and although I'm not allowed to review it (the consensus among the people I went with was: mediocre), I'm going to tell you about the screening process because quite frankly it's the dumbest thing I've seen yet.

After you sit and wait outside in a line you are moved to theater. Then, you sit and wait for about 30 minutes in the theater so that the suits who are running the process can fill the theater to the brim. After the theater is filled (and I mean every seat), a lady walks to the front and gives you a litany of excuses as to why you might not like the film: the sound isn't finished, the color isn't finished, the actors were drunk etc. etc.

Finally, the movie starts. When the lights go up you are assaulted with movie minions with pencils who hand you a survey that asks the WORST questions. Not questions like, "Was the story interesting?" "Was the acting subpar?" "Were there character issues?"

No instead you get questions that scream, "We don't really care about your opinion, now fill out this survey so we can edit down the film to an hour and a half." Questions include, "Was the beginning slow? Was the middle slow? What was the main reason you came tonight? Which actor was hottest etc. etc."

Now, I will relate my experience as a member of the "focus group" that gave opinions about the film after the main audience had left. Twenty of us sat in the first two rows as the "focus group leader" asked us the same questions we had already answered on our worksheets. I was frustrated. Additionally, they picked other audience members with lobotomies- one man when asked what he would title the movie as said, "Batman and Robin." At first I thought, wow, what a god-awful joke, I need to wash my ears out. But no, he had rationalized in his mind why the movie should be called Batman and Robin. I was moments away from cutting my ear when he finally finished. The only reason I didn't leave was because I wanted my free movie ticket, guaranteed if I sat through this horrible exercise.

I can't tell you what I told the focus group lady was because I had to sign a sheet saying I wouldn't. However, interestingly, I will tell you what disqualifies you from being in a focus group: if you study film you aren't allowed in, if you work in the entertainment business you aren't allowed in, if you work for media you aren't allowed in, if you know anyone involved in the production you aren't allowed in. (When I asked about why they didn't let film students in, the lady said it was because they had "Too sophisticated answers.")

Dear God I hope I don't have to go through this crap when I am on the other end of the lens.

A Little Backup

2004-11-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

Quite the interesting picture Americans painted this election. A lot of people have asked me why I think Americans are NOT liberal.

What you are looking at is a county by county summation of who voted for John Kerry (blue) and who voted for George Bush (red).

Since George Bush isn't a spectacular candidate by any measurable standards (with perhaps the caveat being his determination in the pursuit of terrorists), clearly more people were voting "against Kerry." This again reinforces my idea that the libertarian party clearly could have made some gains in this election had the resources of a George Soros.

An Interesting Result

2004-11-03T16:00:00.000-08:00

A little forewarning- this is election analysis is perhaps not my most original work, so if you're tired of politics, you may want to visit my other site or kick, back and RELAX. The world is not going to end.

I was dead wrong in predicting the election for Kerry, when in fact George W. Bush did quite well in securing the necessary electoral and popular votes as well. What does this mean?

Fundamentally, it means what I have said all along- George W. Bush is not a great conservative President- he could have easily been defeated if the challenger, Kerry, posessed just one grain of original or interesting thought. That is not to say that I personally am dissapointed. In the long run I would prefer a President closer to my views (libertarian), than those of Kerry (who knows what his views are, the voters sure did not).

On a broader national and congressional level, certain things are quite apparent. Interestingly the American people are becoming less and less willing to deal with "far left" candidates. Even when the Republicans have a weak showing, (i.e. Bush) voters are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, and will refuse to elect leaders who want to increase government spending, government handouts and raise taxes.

I find this refreshing. It is perhaps time for the Democratic Party, as a whole, to re-think what exactly its party platforms are. It is also time for some 3rd Party candidates to capitalize on the Democrats poor efforts. Particularly, I would like to see the Libertarians get some support, as they actually ran numerous candidates in numerous states. While they had little or nothing to show for it, getting on the ballot is a step in the right direction. The Green Party could certainly make a stand in the next election as well.

Contrary to Michael Moore's (who I think is responsible for a LOT of swing voters actually voting FOR Bush) beliefs, most Americans will usually side with Republicans on core issues. Americans traditionally do not like government intervention in their life, do not like higher taxes, and do not support socialistic ideals. The Democratic Party needs to come up with new issues, and new ideas. Simply offering up a "WE AREN'T REPUBLICAN" candidate isn't going to cut it anymore.

Changing gears- A lot of the post election reaction I have found very disturbing. Everywhere I look someone is running around yelling "BUSH IS A WHORE," "FUCK BUSH, LIFE IS OVER." I somehow doubt the reaction would be as violent or juevenille had the election results been reversed. In reality, little has or would have changed in the every day lives of American citizens had the election result gone either way. I find the partisan rhetoric as stupid as those who espouse it. Those people running around today screaming how depressed they are to whoever will listen aren't doing anything to help this country.

Yet there is certainly a silver lining in this cloud of divisiveness. Amid the partisan ridiculousness and imaturity, I find that those who truly know their politics, know what they stand for and truly love this country- no matter where they fall individually on the political spectrum, are willing to give Bush a chance. And although I didn't vote for him, I'm going to give him a chance as well. He is the new legitimate leader of my country and I wish him all the best.

In the words of someone who cares,

"Let us rally behind our re-elected president as we attempt to reconcile the threads of a nation torn apart by anger and division. I do not like George W. Bush, but he has proven himself as an American leader by succeeding in our test of legitimacy---national elections."

Election Prediction: Kerry in '04

2004-11-01T22:42:00.000-08:00

It saddens me to predict that the next President of the United States will be John F. Kerry. I think the Democrats have done a sufficient enough job of scaring both young people and seniors into voting for Kerry. I'm not exactly horrified at the prospect of Kerry winning because basically Kerry will do whatever the polls tell him to. Plus a Republican Senate and House will ensure a lame-duck Presidency. I'm a little worried about the possibility of Kerry appointing a bunch of Socialist judges, but again perhaps the Republican Senate will stall those appointments.

What worries me is the way in which Kerry co-opted so many people. The way in which far left groups characterized Bush as "Hitler." For better or for worse Bush was a man of strong convictions, a man whose sole goal became to defend this nation. He should not have had to put up with this sort of juevenille demonization. Democrats should be ashamed. I would mention Swift Boat Vets in the same breath, but I only hesitate because these Vets were in Vietnam and I wasn't.

What also makes me upset is the level of kiss-ass the media plays with Kerry. Look at Rolling Stone, an extremely popular entertainment magazine. Please pardon my French, but the level of interaction between the magazine and the Kerry campaign borders on fellatio. Consistently, for the last 5 or 6 months the magazine has published hit pieces on the President and gooey love stories about Kerry. If I buy a Rolling Stone tell me about the next album from Coldplay, not whether or not Kerry likes dogs or cats. This sort of thing borders on propaganda. I'm not even going to start on Michael Moore.

So an advance congratulations to the American people for electing Kerry. Good work. Make sure to vote in a lot of polls, maybe something will get done.

UPDATE: I was wrong. New Post Later Today.

Jon Stewart Used To Be Funny

2004-10-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart used to be funny, but like many other celebrities who take a step into politics has fallen to the wayside. The key to staying funny in politics is ironically to try and stay out of it. The reason that shows like South Park and Family Guy are able to take pot shots at politics is because you never see Stan or Kyle with Kerry '04 T-shirt. Nor does Peter Griffin share a beer with George Bush.

Instead, what makes the shows clever is what they don't tell you. The key is to be funny without imposing your opinion on your audience. Stewart has crossed the line. A now clear ally to John Kerry, I can't watch his show without thinking "This guy is being facetious, he pretends to dislike both candidates, but has an obvious agenda in getting Kerry elected."

Take South Park's recent episode "Douche and Turd." The school holds an election to choose the new mascot, either a douche or a giant turd sandwich. The parody is obvious, (Stone and Parker are not known for their subtlety), but they never tell us if they want the turd or douche elected. They stay above the fray, instead using the episode to point out the stupidity of Sean Combs and his "Vote or Die" campaign. (If you're interested I've been writing about that subject for a while on my other site.) Even though they aren't as high brow as Stewart pretends to be, they never stoop to his level by taking sides.

That's a shame, because the Daily Show has a history of non-partisan hilarity. I wish Stewart would have kept his mouth shut.

I Really Don't Respect Kerry

2004-10-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

Things that I really dislike about Democrats and Republicans are their tendencies to pander. Their mood changes with the wind. A lot can be said about Bush's presidency, but even the casual citizen knows where Bush stands. He is straightforward guy. Sometimes a little too straightforward (i.e. the internets? are you kidding me?) However, while I take issue with some of his foreign policy (but not ignoring the French, secularism sucks), at least I know why I am pissed off.

Kerry on the other hand really doesn't know where to stand. I don't really know how he got the Democratic nomination. He is boring to listen to, he's ugly, and he doesn't really have any record to admire in the Senate. If I were the Democrats I would be kicking myself for not pushing Howard Dean. Who does Kerry appeal to? Billionaires? His running mate didn't do him any favors either. A trial lawyer... A trial lawyer... Who does he appeal to? EVERYONE HATES LAWYERS.

Anyway, the catalyst for all this was a video someone sent me. You can view it HERE. If you think that Kerry's flip-flopping is a casual term thrown around- watch this video. Get to know the candidate you are entrusting stand firm on terrorism.

If you're Democrat you really can't be proud of Kerry.

An Attack on The Two Parties and Defense of the Libertarian Platform

2004-10-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

In a two party system, only true, staunch, ardent supporters of a candidate truly win. Chances are, average Americans will be electing the lesser of two evils. The delusion is that no parties exist other than the Republicans or Democrats; and this is the way the two parties would like you to believe the world works. Every four years the two parties will put forward one candidate- end of story. However, most Americans are lazy and lack the motivation to go out and search among the many "Third parties." And even those who do in my experience, are intellectual sellouts (as is more often the case with those attracted to Nader and sellout with Kerry).

It is convenient then, for these sellouts, in order to justify their own moral misgivings to label groups like the Green party, or in my own case, Libertarians as fringe extremists. The reality however, is that "Third parties" lack the corporate sponsorship (some would say corporate ownership) to purchase the airtime to get out their own messages. Furthermore, these sellouts think it is perhaps simpler to launch personal attacks not only on their opponents, but those who refuse to fall into their own 2 party line as "ignorant," because of the slim chance of a third party candidate actually winning. The reality is those who vote for who they truly believe in are MORE patriotic than the sellouts who do not. An election is not about who gets the most press- it is about electing the man most suitable to run this country.

The libertarian party stands alone as the party who can get this country out of the hands of the government and back into the hands of the people. No other party has a plan to do this.

No politician will ever address the issue that the War on Drugs has failed, nor the fact that the government is the single greatest polluter in America, and you will probably never see them mention the fact that in the 1950's when the U.S. had the greatest standard of living in the world the income tax on American families was at 2%. 2%. By contrast, in the 1990s, the Federal income tax takes 25% of income for the same family of four. Taxes at all levels -- federal, state, and local; hidden and visible -- take about 50% of a family's income. We must work from January to June just to pay taxes.

What is even worse, Republicans and to a greater extent, Democrats, have created an environment where a mother must work in order to prevent the family from going bankrupt. She now has no choice in the raising of her children- she must continue to work. EVEN WORSE, when she does work, her contribution becomes irrelevant to the family because the government steals her contribution. (In other words, one spouse works all year just to pay taxes).

Ask yourself: Does the government deserve to take away half of your paycheck? Do they know better how to spend the money you toil for?

This is the main thrust of the libertarian party. The focus moves away from "What the government should be doing" to "What the government should NOT be doing." Libertarians are ardently against censorship, support the right to bear arms, generally believe in the legalization of drugs, opposes foreign aid (or foreign welfare, as we assert), establishing a tax credit for charitable donations, ending public school failure and ending the welfare state that the U.S. has become.

Real problems deserve real answers- not partisan politics.

A Nod To Peter Jackson

2004-10-01T13:41:00.000-07:00

Spending about 2 and a half hours with the Visual FX supervisor of Lord of the Rings was truly an eye opening experience to the amount of work that went into the greatest trilogy ever put to film. Peter Jackson, perhaps best known for his "The Frighteners" with Michael J. Fox before LOTR has truly accomplished something magical. With the Extended Edition of Return of the King coming this fall, it is perhaps time to recognize the magnificient achievement Lord of the Rings represents.

Shooting 3 films over the course of a year is a logistical nightmare, Jackson accomplished this task by assembling a professional, exceptional crew (the entire number of people estimated who contributed to LOTR now hovers over somewhere in the 25,000). At the top of this massive pyramid was Jackson, faced with the daunting task of satisfying a major studio, film audiences and already established LOTR fans each of whom had their own idea of what Middle Earth looked like. Jackson accomplished this by writing a screenplay that took essentials from Tolkien, respected his work, and visualized his world by first looking to the text- not to the suits at New Line.

The cinematography is spectacular, the casting was brilliant (including the superb, groundbreaking work on Gollum), and even more surprising was the work of Howard Shore. Shore's score is magnificent because not only does it enhance the film, but works on its own as a beautiful composition. A tour featuring selected orchestrations from the film consistently soldout as it traversed across the United States.

Jackson deserves every acclaim he has received for his work on Lord of the Rings- his direction never drifted away from the story at hand, and he was never deceived into thinking (as perhaps George Lucas has) that the effects drive the story. His passion for completing the epic has led for his unprecedented 20 million dollar paycheck for King Kong, a perhaps even daring choice than Lord of the Rings- but knowing Jackson something spectacular is on the way.

Michael Moore Hates America

2004-09-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the release of "Michael Moore Hates America" in LA this weekend, I'm posting some work I did comparing a movie about politics I really enjoyed, "Wag the Dog," vs. a movie I didn't, "Fahrenheit 9-11." Enjoy.

As “Wag the Dog” so poignantly asks us, “Why does the dog wag the tail?” The answer: ``Because the dog is smarter than the tail. If the tail was smarter, it would wag the dog.'' Indeed, and in both “Fahrenheit 9-11” and “Wag the Dog” the tail is the American people. In “Wag the Dog” an overwhelmingly hysterical and bitingly satirical effort from director Barry Levinson the “dogs” as it were, are the spin doctors who craft the media to their will. In Fahrenheit 9-11, however, the dog is Michael Moore, who since exploding on the scene with his best effort “Roger and Me,” has consistently slid downhill in his execution, style and credibility with audiences. The tactics used by both directors are worlds apart and yet should theoretically have the same goal- to create doubt in the minds of everyday Americans as to the honesty of both the media and politicians. While Fahrenheit is at times moving in its manipulation of emotion, it fails miserably at any attempts at conveying a real message. The film is blinded by its sheer stupidity. Where Moore Fails, Levinson and the always sharp screenwriter, David Mamet, succeed. They give us a fictitious (although frighteningly similar to the Clinton fiasco) world to laugh at, and through this laughter, they poke and prod the audience to consider important questions about American politics.

Where the two films are most similar is in their view of the War each film deals with. Although to even compare them is disingenuous as it asks impossible questions (i.e. Is a fictitious Albania similar to a very real and dangerous Iraq?) Moore’s view of the real war in Iraq is that of a gigantic waste of manpower and resources. I suppose Levinson’s view of a manufactured war would be the same of anyone’s – it’s stupid. Yet the true beauty of Levinson’s film comes in the execution of his message through bitingly satirical dialogue.

In Wag the Dog we find so many hysterical exchanges between characters that it is almost impossible to not mention a few in passing. Conrad, the head spinmeister of the administration’s fake war mantra is “Change the story, change the lead.” How often have the American people seen a politician ignore issues and change the subject? I would venture a guess to say that it is probably a daily event. Even more interesting is a scene later in the film where Conrad and filmmaker, Stanley, must create some manufactured scenes from war torn Albania. They have a child actress hold a bag of Doritos in front of a blue screen, and before our eyes Stanley turns this absurdity into a scared child running around with a teddy bear, frightened for her life in the slums. In the age of digital manipulation Levinson reminds us how easy it is to paint pictures designed to deceive the general public. His technique is both humorous and relevant and gets the point across perfectly.

In Fahrenheit 9-11 all attempts at humor fall flat on their face. Whereas in previous films Moore used his humor to his advantage, here it feels out of place and in some places just plain ridiculous. For example, affronting Senators asking them to “sign up” their sons or daughter in war is ridiculous. The pretense that someone can “sign up” another person for war is just stupid. Enlisting in the armed forces is a personal decision, often a heroic decision. Another example of Moore’s humor just not being effective is his portrait of the “Coalition of the Willing.” Pretending that every country in the coalition wears hula skirts and dances next to swaying palm trees is also ridiculous. I assume Mr. Moore has been to Japan, Great Britain, Portugal Denmark, Italy, Australia and New Zealand, and that they all wore hula skirts to welcome him. It’s a stupid scene that reinforces that traditional complaint lodged against Moore’s techniques- he is deliberately deceptive.

“Wag the Dog” brings us to world full of deceit and lies and political maneuvering- a world most of us will never see. While we may be familiar with politicians, like the mysterious President in this film, we never see the spinmeisters like Conrad, who dictates into a radio attached to the ear of the Press Secretary during a press conference. The press secretary repeats what he says verbatim. While it may be a tad absurd, the scene works because the movie never pretends to be entirely serious. It is something we are familiar with, yet brought to light in a different perspective it causes us to question the trust we have with politicians. We must ask ourselves, “I wonder if Conrad exists?” That a question like that gets asked makes “Wag the Dog” a success on a purely cerebral level.

Michael Moore is a talented filmmaker; there is no question about that. Particularly, his editing technique is Fahrenheit 9-11 is effective at times. At several junctures he uses contradictory statements made by the Bush administration, edited side by side to make his point. This is probably the best example of how some people are so easily swayed by Moore, he can and will use all techniques to make his point. But this paper is not about editing, it is about effectiveness. Moore’s strategies of ambush interviews, clever editing and humorous voiceovers have worked extremely well in the past, and are used extensively in Fahrenheit. Yet, it is not as effective as it once was – why? The answer is that Moore’s films have garnered so much attention and critique that audiences now are aware of the techniques. Unlike Wag the Dog, in which no assumption of truth is made, Moore purports everything he tells us to be true. Is it really reality that “the only Iraqi casualties are innocents, nobody in Iraq is grateful for liberation, all the American soldiers are disillusioned, except for the sadists?”

Audiences know better. Everything Moore says and does is taken with a grain of salt. Audiences do their own research, and realize that most if not all of what Moore says about the Bush- Saudi connection is carefully edited lies. It is not the object of this paper to give a review, but to point out that most Americans will stumble upon carefully researched papers like David Kopel's “59 Deceits in Fahrenheit 9-11.” The very thing that made Moore famous, his celebrity, has been his downfall. "Wag the Dog" is a much more successful simply because we can laugh along at the absurdity of the American political process. The filmmakers set out to make a point, and through laughter the audience can understand. We know its all fiction, but its proximity to reality makes it all the more effective. The simple technique of satire and humor makes Levinson’s work much more credible than Moore’s oft-critiqued "Fahrenheit." And when it comes to American politics, a good dose of humor is oft-needed.

And Now For Something Different...

2004-09-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

This site has been formulating in my head for a while. I realized long ago (but never really did anything about it) that people probably don't "get" my humor. Although my site hits indicated otherwise, apparently my raunchy, satirical humor was being taken extremely seriously. Seriously enough to be labeled "offensive and stupid" by people whom I respect.

I disagree.

In fact while I changed a lot about this web site, and effectively shut down my old site- it won't be like this for long. I expect to get back to posting on my old site (up and running at http://chillguy.blogspot.com). But expect some changes, for one I may just assume another identity to make it QUITE CLEAR that I'm not being serious, or I may not.

For now, this place will be my serious discussion website, with the occasional drift in the satiric.

You can pick either site to visit or both. However, I think this solution works best- my email is always open if you have questions.

-Greg